On Conflicts and Contrivance
If I were a resident of Port Charles (I normally don't like playing this game of hypotheticals because being a woman in Port Charles in her twenties means that I'd either (a) have slept with Sonny Corinthos or (b) be dead and both of those things bum me out) and had a child, I would never let them out of my sight. I'm talking carrying them around in a Baby Bjorn until they are old enough to enroll in self defense courses, because children in Port Charles wind up kidnapped more often than not and not only that, they wind up kidnapped by nefarious evildoers who have the kind of superhuman speed and reflexes that allow them to lurk undetected outside of coffee shops and steal a child in less than two seconds.
LESS THAN TWO SECONDS.
Really: Emma and Robin go to Kelly's to pick up a coffee and a muffin and after making small talk with Johnny, Ethan, and Michael, start to leave until the waitress calls after Robin that she lost her coffee. While most waitresses would walk the extra ten steps and bring the drink over to the patron who was halfway out the door, this waitress did not, so Robin turned her back for 1.6 seconds and someone (Lisa) dressed just like Robin in a witch costume takes Emma's stroller and makes a break for it, getting a hilarious side-eye from Emma in the process.
"We're going down this road again, bitch? You know, my mom said I can call you a bitch. Bitch."
Not that I want her traumatic ordeal to be a long one, because her short life has been one drama after another, but part of me wants her to be missing long enough to warrant posting a Missing Person poster, if only to see the phrase "Last seen wearing a FREAKING ADORABLE lamb costume".
Friday's General Hospital was also notable for: Ronnie finding evidence tying Sonny to the car-bombing that almost took out Johnny AND Kristina! Yay! And then he gave it to...Claire, Sonny's woman of the moment. Well, one of Sonny's women of the moment, at any rate. I was going to refer to her as his "woman of thirty seconds", because that is also a nifty way to theorize that Sonny isn't even a one woman man, but I couldn't figure out how best to phrase it. Anyway, Ronnie: BAD IDEA JEANS! BAD IDEA JEANS! Granted, not nearly as bad idea as that dye job, but STILL.
He was so happy to hand over this evidence, too. Gleeful, even, like he could have just burst into song. He seems like he would tap dance.
This will only end poorly for you and probably with a grisly demise, Ronnie. Frankly, I am surprised that the only death he has experienced so far is the crushing death of his dream of seeing Sonny incarcerated.
Claire, of course, reacted SMUGLY with WILD OVER-ACTING.
Ronnie: Look, I know you're involved with Sonny. I get it, ok? But, please, please don't bury this.
Claire: I'm not in the habit of suppressing evidence, detective.
Maybe you don't often suppress evidence, Little Miss By-The-Books, but you are in the habit of making terrible life decisions, so maybe dial back the attitude a notch or twelve.
The rest of the show had its ups (Abby and Michael continue to be absurdly sweet. Are we supposed to find them sweet? Do we think that there is something up with Abby, since she didn't want Michael to go with her to get her dry-cleaning, or was it more that she just didn't want a teenager to go with her while cartoon hearts floated around his obviously smitten head?) and downs (um...the rest of it), and I continue to be completely uninterested in The Balkan, and Brenda's relationship to The Balkan and Sam-As-Brenda in an effort to trick The Balkan