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« It's Like Middle School Again, But With Better Clothes and No Braces! | Main | Don't Tell Todd the Babysitter's Dead »

October 10, 2010

Putting the Ass in Classic

When The City was canceled and ABC had a half-hour to fill for a few months before the premiere of Port Charles, a genius person had the idea to run classic episodes of the ABC soaps during that time slot. I think I speak for us all when I say "That's the last time ABC Daytime did something that could be described as genius" and also: AMAZING. Because it was! At several points that spring, due to spring break and illness, I was home from school with nothing to do but watch TV and got an awesome soap education; I clearly remember seeing the episodes of One Life to Live where Karen Wolek admitted to being a prostitute, and also All My Children's Will Cortlandt murder mystery. Again: AMAZING.

That happy soap time was the very first thing that came to mind when ABC Daytime announced their plan to air repeats of their shows on Wednesdays in an effort to "enhance current story and give fans the opportunity to see episodes they really loved and have wanted to see again". "It's just like that time in the late 90s," I thought to myself. "Except...this will probably be terrible."

And oh, how right I was. The first classic AMC episode airs on October 27th and...

Episode #8927 (original air date 8/31/04) --Ryan first confesses his love for Greenlee, and she is both shocked and thrilled when Ryan gives her an engagement ring and proposes. Zach is short with Maria when she says she's committed to her marriage. Kendall has many drinks and blows up about Greenlee and Ryan to Ethan. Pine Valley gets ready for a "Game of Chance" party at Zach's casino.

This certainly isn't an episode we loved and have wanted to see again, which means this is an effort to "enhance current story", which means we are officially in for a Ryan/Greenlee retread, which means that I am shaking my fist at the sky angrily and wailing "RYLEE!"

Present-day AMC doesn't have me acting out with such rage, but it is making me peevish, thanks to its boringness.

On the plus side, though, the return of Erica (and Jack) means that I can play my favorite game: "What Ridiculous Thing Is Erica Wearing?" I need to make my own fun sometimes.

First, she wore a shockingly appropriate top.

Thankfully, this did not signal the beginning of a new, tasteful era, as she wore it with leather pants.

Then, she paired an adorable dress with at least three bump-its.

BumpitObviously, she believes in the motto "The higher the hair the closer to God". Although she'd probably amend it to "The higher the hair, the closer to Ryan"... 

Speaking of Ryan, he continues to be amazing, allegedly. And in case you forgot that this is his defining characteristic, Madison is here to remind you.

Madison: No. Actually, I slept better last night than I have in a long time. It's because of you...[...] But last night, with your arms around me -- I felt so safe. It's like you chased my nightmares away.

How did that episode not get a TV-MA rating?! Disgusting.

Also of note...

JR and Annie had sex, and Scott walked in on them. This is not the noteworthy part, although I do have to say that Melissa Claire Egan and Jacob Young are SO good together, and I am intrigued by what is going to happen with this story when Daniel Cosgrove (once again) takes over the role of Scott. Fingers crossed that it leads to more Chandler sparring!

Scott: I guess I missed the memo declaring you the chosen one.
JR: Not the chosen one. The only one. Chandler is my birthright.
Scott: Your own father didn't see it that way.
JR: Yeah, my father was angry because his wife wanted me and not him. Does that sound familiar?

Oh, snap!

Oh, okay, anyway, the really noteworthy part: Annie and JR start to take each other's clothes off at the precise moment Scott starts to walk upstairs. By the time he finds them in the bedroom, the deed was...done. How many floors does the Chandler mansion have?! Or does he just walk really slowly? It was bizarre.

The rest of the show has been forgettable. Really, I watched three episodes in one sitting today and if you asked me what happened, I'd stare at you blankly and provide the vaguest recap possible. "Well, people love Ryan. And Caleb...was annoying. And there were also people who did things and said stuff to each other. That pretty much covers all the bases, I'd say." Did anything worth remembering actually happen?


In short: No.

Classic would be an episode with some good bonding scenes between David & Greens & Leo! (you know, to show that someone in that town remembers how good David could be & therefore might actually care that he is gone) or an epi of Leo proposing to Greenlee... oops, sorry that was crazy-typing, they wouldn't dare show us something like that, it might just kill Rylee due to sheer embarrassment of how utterly crap it is upon comparison.

These are the classic episodes I would like to see:
- Angie & Jesse: the beginning
- Tad the Cad Martin sleeping with Marian Colby and Liza finding out.
- Bianca telling Erica she's gay
- When Leora died and David's reaction

I could think of a few more but not one of them involves Ryan so chances are slim that they will air.

That is the best title I have ever seen. Ever. I don't even care what is going on in this train wreck of a show, as long as I get titles like that. I'm going to tell my sister right now..she really needs to laminate that and use it at work (as long as she doesn't get fired).

Um no offense is Susan Lucci taking plastic surgery advice from Jackie Zeman, if so she needs to stop.

That profile pic up there makes her look all weird.

Love Jerica and I love their new home. Despise Ryhole and please explain to me why people love this mountain geek? He is horrid and he and Erica as a couple is just like Rylee to me.

All this airing of 'classic' shows means is that ABC Daytime can film/tape one less show a week .. 52 less shows a year .. I bet it cheaper than the residuals they have to pay to re-air those 'classic' shows. But as someone who stopped recording/watching AMC but occasionally watches online this means on Wednesdays I can catch up or not ...

"Oh, okay, anyway, the really noteworthy part: Annie and JR start to take each other's clothes off at the precise moment Scott starts to walk upstairs. By the time he finds them in the bedroom, the deed was...done. How many floors does the Chandler mansion have?! Or does he just walk really slowly? It was bizarre."

Or maybe J.R. is just a one-minute man.

If anyone could clue me in on what I am supposed to like about Caleb I would appreciate it. He is one of the worst characters I have had the misfortune of watching on a show in quite a while yet everyone in town just loves him to death and if you don't then you are some kind of asshole. Also no one "stole" Cortlandt from him. If he wasn't being an ungrateful, idiotic, grumpy ass he would have never been selling Palmer's company and JR would have never been able to get his hands on it.
And I am done with Scott and really wish they weren't recasting. I hate characters who do awful stuff but continue to behave like their crap doesn't stink (like Ryan, Jake, Krystal and 95% of the rest of PV). You stole from a dead man and boned your cousins wife...you are in no position to throw stones, jerkwad!
At least JR knows he's a dick and relishes that fact.

Anything from 2004 on is not classic. I'd go pre 2000 for classic, and I'd love to see some eps from the 80s-- or even late 70s. Give me Palmer and his dobermans. Let's see the Chuck and Donna story. Let's see Phoebe again! I loved those character when I was a teen watching the show, and I'd love to see them again.
All this does is remind me that the show has not had a really original story in years, and we're STILL spinning our wheels with Rylee, which had it's expiry date around the time of this episode.

Seriously? This is ABC's grand plan? To increase viewership by producing less episodes and then airing non-classic "classic" episodes thereby giving their twelve remaining viewers an opportunity to sample the non-Ryan Lavery/non-Guza scripted dreckitude -- thank you, Andre Leon Talley! -- on the other networks?

Sweet Jeebus -- I smell the beginning of the end for ABC Daytime. Kudos, Brian Frons.

IF AMC was to air a "Classic" show from the 70's or 80's I would watch it in a heart beat.... a shame.....

I would love to see a Leo show also.. ahhhh JD... he was so adorable

"I am intrigued by what is going to happen with this story when Daniel Cosgrove (once again) takes over the role of Scott. Fingers crossed that it leads to more Chandler sparring!"

I hope it reminds Greenlee why she came to Pine Valley in the first place - to chase after Scott. Whatever gets her away from the vortex of suck that is Ryan Lavery. How adorable would Rebecca Budig and Daniel Cosgrove be?!

I also desperately hope that ABC runs a Leo episode. My inner 14 year old is giddy just thinking about it.

I loved Daytime to Remember. Sadly, the ratings were atrocious. Maybe it was Reba McIntyre's fault.

Well, the only notable thing I got out of Monday is that Alicia Minshew may quite possibly have a MORE perfect body now than she did BEFORE she had that adorable baby.

But I don't think that qualifies as news.

I totally agree with Angie's choices and I'd like to add: Natalie being thrown down the well, Helga falling off the roof, Brooke's plane crash, the original tornado (far better done than the new one with all of the cheesy digital effects), Mona's funeral, Jenny's jet ski explosion, Dixie's affair with Adam being revealed to Brooke at the boathouse. Oh, and the whole comical Dr. Kinder storyline with Erica, Opal, and Marion. Sigh. The good old days...

I did a double-take at that profile shot of Susan Lucci. She's a Loretta Lynn doppelganger!

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