Hyperbole and Other Llanview-esque Mistakes
"Girls like that don't stay single for long." In case you missed it, this line was uttered by Ford about Starr. I'm not joking. Check your DVR, check it out online, check the script. To be clear, teenage girls with small children, famous rapist ex-con fathers who are prone to violence against the men in their daughters' lives, and babydaddies imprisoned for murder. Girls like that. Don't stay single for long. I mean, you better make your move fast because she is a catch.
And! The word "amniocentesis" has 300 letters in it when typed by Ford.
Oh, good news! You can totally walk into whatever private hospital room you want to and just hang out, in case you were wondering. Luckily Brody knew that so he could "be there" for Natalie.
Okay, I'm being unfair. Friday's One Life to Live was actually a pretty classic soapy episode. Two simultaneous paternity tests (one potential father being a possibility for both) by two twins, a cliffhanger ending with the appearance of an abusive father, a major character turning himself into the police for murder, a gone-crazy psychiatrist getting some inside information on someone she's vowed revenge upon, and a big already-grown-up paternity reveal. And as much bad press as she gets for hamming it up, the big red bow for me was Kim Zimmer proving why she is royalty in this game by delivering a pure old-school soap opera performance.
My bone to pick is this. So now Clint knew, possibly all along and possibly for a couple of years now, that Rex is really his biological son? And can't stand the guy, so set up some elaborate ruse to keep Rex from learning this? I don't buy it. Not for one single solitary second. I already didn't buy Clint sending David off to rot in a Moroccan prison, as David has Buchanan blood. I have no problem with Clint hating David; he should. But if this whole thing is supposed to be the Asa-fication of Clint, they've got it dead wrong. Asa was all about blood, even if he hated the person with the blood. Ben was his sworn enemy whose life he would've happily ended until he found out Ben was his son (I shudder to recall). Clint doesn't have to like David, Clint doesn't have to like Rex, but if he were really like Asa, he'd suck it up because they're family. He'd hold them to standards and call them out on their crap, but he wouldn't turn them into his victims. No way, no how. This is not Clint. And I like ruthless Clint. But there are limits; there were always limits. And this is just reckless storytelling not only with a legacy character but an entire legacy family and essentially the entire last thirty years of the history of this freaking show.
I mean I guess I should be thanking my lucky stars that this isn't "Nothing says I love you like a car bomb!" familial storytelling like over on that other ABC soap, but it's only a hair better, really.
And the bottom line for me?
This douche. Is Clint Buchanan's son. I just... I...