Inappropriate Make-out Partners, Unite!
There was certainly a theme to Friday's episode, and it made me a little sad for the days when One Life to Live had clever episode titles. The good old days.
Gigi and Cristian made out because they were both feeling dejected about their relationships and had consumed ridiculous amounts of champagne.
Kelly and Rex made out because Kelly planted one on him and then the two of them had a bizarre confrontation about who was to blame. And Rex was made paranoid by thoughts of his girlfriend Gigi possibly spending the evening with some champagne-swilling dude in Paris on the West Bank (okay, good one, writers!). And Kelly is still pining away over the love of her life, Joey Buchanan. Or at least he's been the great love of her life since the show hired someone to play him. Had she even mentioned him once since her return?
Starr and James made out because her babydaddy's final wish for her after going off to prison for having committed murder was that she get together with James. (That's a real sentence!)
And Starr, in her anguish, assumed he meant to get it on with James as soon as humanly possible. By the way? James summed up Starr's excellent life in spectacular fashion. To wit:
James: Starr, listen to me, you are not ready for this, not right now. Your life is a mess, okay? You were just kidnapped twice. Hope's babysitter was murdered. Your daughter's life was threatened, Starr. You watched me get buried alive and you almost killed yourself! And now your boyfriend is being shipped off to prison for ten years. Okay, you don't want to just start something new, that's not what you want.
Yeah, I mean when you put it like that, Starr should maybe wait a day or two until she hooks up with somebody else. Maybe next week? I mean you can hardly blame her for thinking she should move on right away, considering on what was essentially the worst day of her entire life her freaking father threw a party and didn't even stop by to throw a little support her way. And every single one of her friends and family (other than her mother, of course) attended said party instead of staying with her. Of course you can hardly blame Todd, either, for thinking he had every right to throw such a party since everyone did indeed accept his invitation happily and immediately -- everyone, including the victims of his various attempted murders and rapes, and ultimately his two-time rape victim!
Incidentally, it was refreshing to see Starr get to actually have some anger at Cole, who consistently makes illegal and dangerous choices and gets treated by half the town like he's some poor victim with no agency of his own. He's a criminal with no impulse control and it was high time someone in his life noticed. (Did anyone else think their relationship montage the other day was hilarious? Virtually every clip was during one of his imprisonments, addictions, withdrawals, etc.)
In non-makeout storylines, John finally called Marty off of Natalie and Natalie finally decided to fight back.
Bring it on, ladies!
Meanwhile, Ford got all up in Dorian's face, and he should thusly die.
Oh yeah and Rex heard that Echo is his mother. Eh.