My Eyes, My Eyes! or Who Is Too Big For Her Britches?
The list of things I never need to see is a long, long one. I'll grant you that. But a sultry, hot-n-heavy sex scene between Rex and Gigi definitely falls on that list somewhere between Dick Cheney in a bathtub and my parents getting it on. I honestly can think of few soap opera hook-up scenes that generated less heat than that. (No wait, Todd and Marty. But for such different reasons. By the way? More on that later.) I'll give them credit for making one good call -- they played it with a comedic edge -- but that's it. Were we supposed to be happy for them?
In other desperate-attempt-at-generating-interest-in-a-couple news, Langston needs to be taken out back and shot. Really, it's just time to put her and us out of our collective misery. Not only is she stupid, duplicitous, and dull-as-dirt, she's now decided that she is in some position to insult Blair. She's decided she's in the position to suggest that she could get herself a man that Blair could not. Look, I make no pretense that I'm impartial when it comes to Blair, a character whose choices and actions I often disagree with but cannot help but always root for (oh, except for the singing... I never like the singing), but... I mean first of all, Blair had already played this game before. She'd propositioned Ford in order to expose his player ways, and it worked. Of course when he showed up to sleep with Blair, Langston answered the door and bought his lie that he was there to see her, but regardless of whether she bought it or not, Blair explained to her what she had been trying to do -- and yet this time around, it wouldn't occur to that little bint that Blair is just trying to prove the same point? She actually thinks Blair is just trying to seduce Langston's boyfriend?
And has the nerve to throw attitude at Blair, suggesting that she is "tired" and embarrassing herself? Oh suck it, Langston. Blair has more to offer any man than Langston could ever dream of. This is really just making me long for Cris and Blair to start up their friends-with-benefits arrangement again, but I have to keep reminding myself that we're less than two months away from the arrival of one Ted King in Llanview.
Meanwhile, Blair's ex was across town manipulating their daughter Starr into signing some suspicious document and getting irritated with her that she's in a "bad mood," and basically being an all-around candidate for Father of the Year. Oh and he insulted his two-time rape victim a few times just in case his oldest daughter might not completely loathe him enough, and fortunately Starr did call him on that (though not enough... never enough). Todd did tell Starr today, "Shoot me if I'm glad that Cole's out of the picture," and I am anxious for Starr to take him up on this directive. Shoot him, Starr, shoot him!
THE DNA RESULTS ARE IN, THE DNA RESULTS ARE IN! (Why did the results for Jess and Natalie take about two weeks but the results for Rex took one day?) Oh, but wait. One, two, three, or none of them may have been tampered with. My head hurts.
Pretty convenient that all three involved parties were right in a row alphabetically in the system so we didn't know which one(s) the dude was messing with. And I actually mean that -- that's a pretty convenient coincidence!
Also? WAY TO PLAY IT COOL, NATALIE.