There Is No End to the Ridiculosity
It goes without saying that the only (THE ONLY) time General Hospital exhibits consistency and continuity is when it pertains to Jason Morgan and his inherent greatness. The rest of the show is a slapdash mess of "Maybe it doesn't make 'sense' that this character would do this, but you know what it would make? AWESOME" and "Let's just pretend that the thing that happened didn't happen. And let's make it happen the exact opposite way" and it's all very frustrating, not to mention shockingly dull, to watch.
I thought that I'd made my--well, saying that I made my peace with that is a pretty blatant lie, considering the four years worth of blog entries I've written detailing my dissatisfaction with all that this show chooses to be. I thought I had at least learned to expect it, then. But then come episodes like today's, in which nearly every line of dialogue had me screeching, in the manner of a howler monkey or Carly, "Oh my god, what is HAPPENING?" NONE of it made sense from a character standpoint, or a history standpoint or an entertainment standpoint.
Steven continues to audition for the role of Catty Gossip on an ABC Family adaptation of a popular young adult series, offering his take on the issues Robin and Patrick are facing.
Steven: Are you hearing what you're not saying? Because I am. You are so angry at Robin.
Patrick: I'm not angry at Robin. I said it was my fault.
Steven: I see. So you cheated in a vacuum? Robin had nothing to do with it, Lisa had nothing to do with it?
Patrick: I should have known better.
Steven: No question. But I can make an argument that Robin is doing nothing to help you or herself.
You could make that argument, but...why would you? Why is this conversation even happening? Giving Steven a story of his own would OBVIOUSLY be asking too much because it would just be way too complicated to insert him into The Balkan's story, and Robin/Patrick/Lisa have filled the Non-Brenda/Balkan quota this show has, but why is this the only alternative?
Steven: She's not trying to forgive, she's not fighting for your marriage. She's doing zero to preserve her family which, frankly, I find a little troubling. Unless, of course, you're beating or verbally abusing her.
Patrick: Of course I'm not doing anything like that. I love my wife.
Steven: Then why doesn't that carry more weight with Robin?
"Because, um, from where I'm standing, she has it pretty good. You don't abuse her! You just cheated on her and had a longstanding, boundary-lacking relationship with your ex-girlfriend. You're a goddamn prince, Patrick! A PRINCE!"
Steven: Look, I'm not saying it's easy to get over infidelity. It's not. But I'm just curious about why she's so much more interested in being the wounded party than in fixing things.
Patrick: Because Robin's been through a lot in her life. She's had a lot of loss in her life and that's how she deals with it: she pushes it away. She locks it deep down and she moves on to the next thing. If Robin had her way, we would be getting a divorce. We'd be co-parenting, we'd be amicable exes. I'm not ready to give up on my marriage. Robin and Emma are the most important thing in my life and I just hope I didn't realize that too late.
Since you should have realized that on your wedding day, I am going to go ahead and say yes, you realized that too late.
There is so much "WHY?" and "WHAT?!" and "HOW IN THE FUCK" in this conversation. Like, how in the fuck is Robin turning into one of the story's villains? I hate everything, basically.
To the surprise of absolutely no one, the ambush on The Balkan was totally botched, because how else could they drag this shithole of a story out for weeks, or months or, JASON HELP US ALL, years. The fallout:
- A creepy Balkan henchman was killed by Brenda
- Sonny snuck into the PCPD to see Brenda
- Lucky's cover is officially blown
- Brenda and Dante's past has raised a few eyebrows. Most notably Carly's.
- Brenda is having nightmares that cause her to wail like some kind of woodland creature, and requires hugs from Jason, which makes Sam uncomfortable and also sad.
You'd think that at least one of those things would be entertaining. And, okay, one of those things was: Carly is SO excited to have dirt on Brenda, even if she isn't sure what the dirt actually is. I had to giggle at her disgusted "Was she crying? Was she babbling?" when she heard that Brenda was acting out of sorts, as if she is so firmly opposed to making a public spectacle like that.
And, actually, another of those things was entertaining. Just not...on purpose: Lucky's screaming at Interpol Whatshisface that "We don't know for sure that my cover's been blown!" was followed, not ten seconds later, by Dante's "Um, I got an email from The Balkan addressed to Detective Lucky Spencer, so...", which made me laugh a mirthless kind of laugh.
The rest of it? Feh. I am less than interested in the state of Jason and Sam's relationship, and I am wholly revolted by everything about Sonny and Claire, and the wailing that Vanessa Marcil did to convey terror was...it was televised, is what it was.
I think we need a palate cleanser. I leave you with the utter adorability of the children of Port Charles dressed up for Halloween.