AMC In 30 Seconds
That's about how long, give or take a few seconds, I make it through most episodes of All My Children these days, thanks to the fast forward button. What would I do without the fast forward button?! It, gingerbread lattes and lip balm are basically the only things that keep me a functioning member of society.
And it's also how long I have to discuss Monday's episode. Monday was...a DAY, and I think I have the beginnings of a cold, and sentences and paragraphs are not happening, no matter how hard I try. But you can pretend paragraphs are here! Imagine really long paragraphs and run-on sentences (it is my writing, after all) instead of the list of questions, some unanswerable, that follow.
- Is there a platonic equivalent of chem-testing? Because Madison and Kendall's brief scene at the start of the episode seemed to be that, whatever it is called, and I think it was quite a successful one. I'd love to see them bonding, not least because it would cause Greenlee's head to explode after running all over Pine Valley screeching "Me, me, why isn't anyone talking about how this is effecting meeeee?"
- Can we just FedEx the Emmy to Alicia Minshew now?
- Why do the writers continue to go to the "Jack and Erica lock horns over Greenlee!" well? I know the past few AMC writing regimes haven't been known for their creative storytelling, but I find it amusing and also depressing that they are all so uncreative in the exact same ways.
- Although Erica did get in some quality jabs.
Erica: Do you not hear yourself? You're making this all about you.
Erica: Stop trying to make this a pity party for you.
Erica: I'm sorry, you can't take a little rehashing? Two little boys are going to grow up without their father. Gabby and Miranda without their Uncle Zach.
When Erica and her four feet of highly sprayed hair are right, they are really right.
(Also, Zach is technically Gabby's uncle-daddy, but I guess that wasn't the time or the place for the proper terminology. And it's totally in character of Erica to just gloss over complicated or unattractive things, like horrendous DNA donations or the fact that she has grandchildren)
- Holy fuck, what was Greenlee wearing?
It's like an edible materials challenge on Project Runway that would earn the ire of all of the judges. Michael Kors would make a comment about being eaten by a head of lettuce, and Nina would be too disgusted to even speak.
- Is anyone else kind of, sort of interested in where this Jake/Amanda/Cara/Griffin story is going? Today marked the first time in a long time that I felt anything for Jake besides revulsion and I even saw a glimmer of acting talent in Ricky Paull Goldin.
- I was going to wonder why everyone was so surprised that Madison had an OB/GYN appointment because, hello, do women in Pine Valley not go for a yearly checkup? And then I realized that not a year goes by when a Pine Valley woman isn't pregnant, so they really do only go to the doctor for prenatal appointments...
- Isn't Denise Vasi pretty? So pretty! But...goodness, when Madison was babbling about being pregnant and Randi darkly said that she really bad morning sickness, and Madison fell all over herself apologizing for being insensitive? I was so confused! Her facial expression and tone of voice did not change at all, so I had no idea that Randi was upset or wistful or sad or hungry, or whatever she was supposed to be feeling.