It's A Nice Day for a...Weird Wedding
Damn it all to hell.
I was all set--ALL SET! I had some lengthy, which probably goes without saying because hello, diatribes about how Tracy and Luke should have been shenanigans-free married for real years ago and how the writers have made both characters look so foolish and pathetic and how much I hate, hate, HATE GH's twinkly wacky music. "Haha!", the music taunts us. "This is whimsical! Well, actually, it is maddening, but in a whimsical way! Laugh monkey, laugh!" and how when Luke interrupted the minister and his "Oh, no! No!" was accompanied by that godforsaken piano music of sinister glee, I almost choked on the candy cane Tootsie pop that I was enjoying which (a) is a delicious treat and (b) would have been a HUMILIATING way to die--to be ranty about Luke and Tracy's wedding.
But then Luke and Tracy said their wedding vows and Tony Geary and Jane Elliot were just so good and every complaint I had just vanished and my heart was warmed and I let out a completely involuntary "Aww!"
Luke: I set a trap for you. You flipped it. You caught me. But I love you. We are perfect together. We are each other's unlikely surprise. Totally unexpected. So that's why I'm standing here in full out unapologetic husband mode. I love you Tracy Spanky Popsicle Quartermaine. I want to call you my wife and know it's more than just another nickname.
Tracy: Okay. Well, you're right about the unlikely and unexpected surprise thing. You brought me back to life. You gave me something to look forward to. You gave me a reason to get up in the morning and every night, I look forward to our next adventure. Luke Spencer, I will love you til the day I die.
Jane Elliot is always impeccable (I've said before that I want nothing more in life than to have her narrate Serial Drama blog entries, but I'd even settle for getting to watch her read the blog silently. I can just imagine her letting out a knowing murmur or sneering at a particularly unfunny pun.), but Tony Geary, as we know, sometimes has a tendency to go over-the-top. Maybe he got that out of his system during the start of the episode, which was one wacky episode after another? Whatever the case may be, they were so good and ended the episode on such a high note that I am actually looking forward to watching tomorrow. Yes, you read that correctly: looking forward to watching General Hospital, written by Bob Guza.
Of course, not even Jane Elliot and Tony Geary could make up for some GLARING problems, namely: how the hell can Tracy and Luke get married and not have BOBBIE and MONICA and NED and DILLON there? Okay, Ned and Dillon were unlikely to appear, and Bobbie and Monica would mean too many veteran characters on-screen during one episode, which would have offended Guza so much that he'd write in a shootout and kill them all with one fell swoop, but the writers couldn't have spared ten seconds for someone to explain away their absences? Why not cut the scene with Spinelli and Carly yet again discussing the plan to dig up dirt on Brenda and Dante, which was both unentertaining and a recap of every conversation those two have ever had? Ugh, this effing show.
Then there were the fashion problems.
Lulu and Maya? Gorgeous!
The backs of their dresses? Kind of not so much.
Brenda, meanwhile, shops at Mandee.
...has started sticking his finger into electrical outlets for a cheap thrill?
I have zero complaints about Carly and Alexis.
Laura Wright should wear this color at all times.
And Nancy Lee Grahn? Yowza.
Alice is so utterly tiresome and Bergen Williams is so bad at acting that I normally roll my eyes at the very sight of her, but her depression over the wedding was kind of comical, if only for Lucky and Ethan's disturbed reactions.
Lucky, glimpsing her widow's weeds: O...kay.
Meanwhile, at the hospital, Robin and Patrick engaged in flirty banter. Now, I definitely feel like they need a LONG estrangement before reconciliation is even remotely possible, but...I was charmed. Damn their chemistry and cuteness.
Patrick: I hope it goes without saying that I'd love to spend time with you and Emma. Whatever makes you comfortable.
Robin: Well, Christmas is supposed to be a magical time for kids. As Emma's parents, we are supposed to provide her with wonderful memories, so...would you like to come home and spend Christmas with us?
Like I said, I was charmed. I may have even giggled. I'M NOT MADE OF STONE.
Speaking of stone, that's just about how thick Lisa's skull is, because she observed this new found chumminess between Patrick and Robin and thought to herself, "All of my plans are, first of all, terrible, and, second of all, failures. So you know what I'm going to do! Make another plan!" She made a mysterious phone call to someone whose voice she'd love to hear (?) and it was all very sinister. Do I bother hoping that this latest scheme will be well-written or, at the very least, campily entertaining? Or do I resign myself to the fact that Fun Lisa is a thing of the past?