Siding With Sonny And Other Awkward Things
I was going to make this a poll. A poll along the lines of "If you could rid Port Charles of any useless, horrible, obnoxious, terrible, I could keep listing negative adjectives but I think you get the point I am trying to make character, which character would you choose?"
And then I remembered that my irritation with Spinelli has reached such a fever pitch lately that the poll choices would be something like:
a) Spinelli. Does he even have a first name? If he does, I probably hate it.
b) Oh, right, it's Damian. Damian Spinelli. Yup, I was right. I hate it.
c) Damian "The Jackal, OMFG, I hate that nickname" Spinelli.
d) Claire Walsh...and Spinelli. In a murder/suicide story, maybe. With on-screen organ donations, which I know doesn't mean anything in daytime but still, let me DREAM.
I...really can't stand the sight or sound of Spinelli, is what I'm saying. I've never really been a huge fan of the character, but he has his moments of charm and Bradford Anderson handles himself capably when he gets good writing, but he has stopped being comic relief and started being the reason my eye twitches every day at 3PM. and the reason I've aligned myself with the enemy.
Spinelli: Mister Sir has crossed the boundary of intent and good taste.
Sonny: What the hell's he saying?
I know, right, Sonny? He makes no sense and is terrible. Want to be friends? Let's hang out.
Brenda: I know. It's just nothing. Um...
Spinelli: I cannot stand idly by as you are led astray by dubious charm and false promises. Please, escort Mister Sir out.
Sonny: No, don't even think about it.
Brenda: No, everything's fine. Please, just--it's okay. I want to be with Sonny. Let's just move on from this.
Spinelli: You are operating under a false premise. The man you once loved in the first blush of youth no longer exists. Time and tragic events have hardened the previous Mister Sir into a cynical, faithless lothario that leaves broken hearts in his wake.
Sonny: Will you stop babbling! 'Cause I'll stop you from babbling!
DO IT, SONNY! Stop him from babbling! Stop him from babbling forever. I'll be your alibi!
Brenda: No, no, no, no, no! Let's all calm down. Please, everyone, let's calm down. Okay? Spinelli, I really appreciate that you want to protect me from bad things in life, but you don't need to protect me from Sonny. I trust him.
Spinelli: I fear that is a grievous error.
I fear that I might actively seek out fanfiction that writes Spinelli off of this show.
Sonny: You... go wherever you go. I don't care where you go as long as you don't say another word.
Brenda: Yeah, it's okay. Just-- you just go for a little bit.
Sonny: Tell me that guy's not a freak. Come on.
Brenda: No, no, no. What-- don't call him a freak. Why do you call him a freak?
Sonny, his voice dripping with sarcasm: Okay, he's normal. Can we go? Come on.
If you ignore...um, everything about Sonny that isn't his seething hatred of Spinelli, he kind of isn't so bad sometimes!
Do you know how terrifying it is to watch this show and have your exact facial expressions mirrored by SONNY CORINTHOS?
OTHER THINGS I DON'T KNOW
Why is Sonny and Brenda's reunion playing out so...lamely?
I do kind of know the answer to this. Answers, actually. One: their reunion is being written by a writing staff presided over by Bob Guza, so lameness is a given. The only thing MORE given than lameness is Jason propping. Two (and please don't judge me too harshly for my complete middle school hysteria): their reunion seems lame because IT IS LAME compared to what could have been between Jax and Brenda!
What? And also, why?
So...did Johnny shoot the random henchman working for Jerry? And did he then get shot by Jason in return? Or is Port Charles just that unsafe that there is a chance you can just walk into a hail of bullets? And why the eff would Johnny get involved in any of this? And why couldn't he just go to the hospital?
So bizarre, but it also led to some amusing moments. Brandon Barash is my preferred bearer of comic relief.
Johnny: All right, here's the deal, Florence. Either you patch me up or I go to your chief of staff and let him know that I saw you running out of Robin Scorpio's room with a syringe in your hand.
Johnny: I still have that needle and whatever was in it that you were going to inject into your lover's wife.
Lisa: Okay, first of all, he's not my lover. It was just one lousy night and I've been paying for it ever since.
Johnny: I lay corrected.
In similarly hilarious news, Lisa has absolutely no idea how to react when faced with someone else's devious plan and she threw him a dead-eyed "I have no idea how to react to this" look.
Were they totally chem-testing Nikolas and Lisa?
If he's not trying to get into her pants, there is literally no reason for him to be saying those words to Lisa in that order.
Is Lady Jane new here?
Jane, to Carly: You have two sons. Could you help one at the expense of the other?
The show faded to commercial before we could hear Carly's response, which I am sure was, "Could I help Michael at the expense of Morgan? Um, fuck yeah I could."
How is Laura Wright's hair so perfect?
Speaking of hair, whose is more ridiculous? Ronnie or Dante?
Normally, Ronnie's ink-cartridge stained hair has no competition because it is so completely insane.
I am wondering if this is Guza's attempt at ripping off--I am sorry, paying homage to--Life on Mars, but in reverse. And, you know...poorly.