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« The Waiting Is The Hardest Part | Main | The Day's Dumbest Dialogue »

December 02, 2010

The Plot Thickens, Congeals, and Finally Stagnates

I'm giving you guys the gift of a play-by-play today because... oh, who am I kidding, it's not a gift, it's because at the moment I don't want to torture myself by watching more than once, jotting down observations, and then putting serious thought into what I can't help but assume is going to be some sort of episode about a bunch of Ford/Salingers and maybe a few supporting players.

We open on... oh, a weather report.  Flights are delayed at LaGuardia, you guys.  It's going to rain.  A lot.  (And so it did.)  So instead, we open mid-way through some sort of menacing situation between Eddie Ford and Dani (in peril!).  She looks very disturbed by something he says about someone getting luckier if he plays his cards right.  And when I say "disturbed," I mean she looks at him askance.  She looked far more disturbed yesterday at whatever was going on in that French film (I'm going to give her a pass on that one if it was, say, Irreversible).

Now Tea is expressing her concern for Starr (or "Estrella," rather, because that's how you know she really cares) having to go to Statesville to see Cole after he got in a fight (because, again, prison staff routinely give courtesy calls to ex-girlfriends when someone's been in a fight), but Todd assumes the fight had no real reason and suggests that James Ford would have a legitimate reason to "be explosive," and Tea is appropriately confused that Todd would express sympathy for another human being.  (Okay, really that he would express sympathy for someone who's got the hots for Starr.)

Joey and Kelly are thrilled to see each other, while Aubrey is still basking in afterglow at the hotel.  

Nora shows up at Clint's to confront him about her fight with Bo.

Credits.  If we go by what happened pre-credits, today could be light on Ford/Salingers!  We've only seen Eddie so far.

Joey and Kelly speak briefly about Zane, Kelly's imaginary son/step-grandson and Joey's imaginary great-nephew.

Nora yells at Clint for making her doubt Bo.

Inez and.... crap.  Inez is on.  Bo asks Inez if the break-up with has anything to do with him, while Clint essentially mocks Nora about her insecurities.  He throws out an excellent evil smirk and --

THE FORD BROTHERS.  Okay, so I guess there are lots of them on today's episode and I just didn't realize that because of the weather report.  Damn you, rain!  Damn you!

Oh right.  Ford promises James (who he abandoned for years) that Eddie will never hurt him again.  James ices his wounds.  Maybe Ford can take another beating and the two of them can head out to run a marathon to save homeless puppies.

Starr has brought her mother along to visit her ex-boyfriend because he got in trouble with the principal.  I mean the warden.  Starr speaks not of visiting her baby-daddy in prison for the first time and the trauma I'd imagine that would be, but instead about James.

Todd explains the Eddie situation to Tea.  Seriously?  I was joking before!  But every scene in this episode has a Ford or is about a Ford.  Nate comes home to find Eddie with Dani and is such a hero while Eddie makes some strange comment about Dani having been "all bent over the DVD player," whatever that means.

A cop stops by the Fords to make sure Eddie hasn't come by.  The following actually happens:

    Uni: He was released, about an hour ago.

    Ford: Released?

    James: Wa... (pause) from jail?

I love it.  Surely you all saw Chelsea Handler's fun time at OLTL's expense the other day.  He really does just spell things out for you, that James!  (I painstakingly typed it out for you here.  Who loves you?) And then his mouth just hangs open, just a little. As it does. The perfect emphasis.



Todd and Tea talk about... James Ford.  And Eddie Ford.  And Todd is apparently concerned that Eddie enjoys preying on people who are weaker than him, because Todd knows what he's talking about from years of experience being a predator.  Nate dismisses Dani from the apartment and threateningly asks Eddie what he wants with Inez.  Eddie looks awesomely amused with how Nate menacingly swatted a bag of nuts out of his hand (if Eddie thinks swatting is funny, wait till he meets Marty!).

Inez tells Bo that the break-up with Clint did have something to do with him, and then calls Clint to tell him she never wants to see him again.  I'm sure Clint is devastated that she doesn't think highly of him and that he won't see her anymore.  Crushed.

Aubrey is brushing her hair and chatting up a friend on the phone.  

Joey and Kelly are having a roundabout conversation about why Kelly went to London.  Flashback to her explaining it to Aubrey on the plane.  Kelly 'fesses up that she went to London for Joey.


Joey and Kelly chat, and Aubrey receives some goodies from room service with a cute note from Joey.  Kelly gets Joey to make her a martini because he still hasn't gotten the point that she's back into him all of a sudden.

Clint tells Nora (again) that Inez is hot for Bo.

Eddie tells Nate that "for a little girl, [Dani's] got quite a pair!"  This makes Nate ride in on his white horse and punch Eddie.  Apparently he has a pair of his own.

Starr tells her mother that she's trying not to let herself have feelings for James.  Out of respect for Cole.  Or something.

James wants Eddie dead.

These are really short scenes!

Dani comes home and fills in Todd and Tea about the incident with Eddie, so naturally Todd walks out the door to go take care of business.

Kelly drinks more.  And starts choking on martini olives while Joey's on the phone with Aubrey.  

Commercials.  Including one for Optimum with Eli!  I mean Matt Walton.

Joey gives Kelly the Heimlich maneuver and the olive pops out.  I guess they were in a few suggestive positions during this Heimlich maneuver.  What am I even watching?  

Nora tells Bo she trusts him but not Inez.  Inez, meanwhile, very calmly walks into the apartment where Nate and Eddie are in something of a fist fight.  Inez seriously approached this situation with complete and utter nonchalance.  Eddie tells Inez to call off Bo.  Ford and James have a discussion about how Eddie's abusive nature got worse and worse as he drank more and more over the years.  James used to fantasize about killing his father, and hearing these horror stories make Wonderful Saint Ford feel really, super-bad, in case we weren't sure yet that he's totally repentant.  

Inez isn't the least bit intimidated by Eddie, which is really adorable considering she was allegedly so terrified of him that she fled their marital home and abandoned two of her children to have the crap beaten out of them for the duration of their childhoods.  (Are we supposed to like this woman even a little bit??)

Todd introduces himself to Eddie.

Ads.  Hulk Hogan has an elf wedgie.

Todd starts in on his own father and threatens to put Eddie in a wood-chipper if he doesn't stay away from Danielle.

Dani explains the evening's events to her mother.  Dani says she feels like she's still a kid and Nate isn't (she finally noticed!).  They have a little mother/daughter chat about how the decision to have sex is an important and scary one and how Dani should be asking herself the right questions.  None of the questions listed are the rather nagging: "Do you think you might be screwed up about sex since you learned at 15 that your biological father is a serial rapist who your mother's in love with?"

Nate asks Inez how she can keep Eddie away, and she goes off on a mission with her new steely resolve or whatever it is.

Nora and Bo argue, and Bo insists that it doesn't matter if Inez has a crush on him; he's not going to sleep with her because he's "not the one that cheats!"  (Shut it, Bo.)

I feel like I've been held hostage for at least a week at this point.  At any rate, Eddie comes back to the Ford abode and they offer him money to leave.  He's not interested in leaving.

Llanfair.  Kelly is embarrassed about the olive.  Or is she?  Joey takes another call from Aubrey and they flirt on the phone while Kelly's in the other room rehearsing how she'll confess her love to Joey.  She notices the camera he used yesterday to take sexy-time pictures of Aubrey in the bed.

Ads. Apparently there is some sort of holiday coming up and we're being encouraged to make retail purchases.

Joey and Kelly make plans for lunch at the Palace the following day.  Kelly misunderstands and assumes he's going to confess residual feelings for her.

Nora is deeply hurt by what Bo said.  Duh.  Okay, Bo feels really horrible and looks desperately sorry about it.  Robert Woods and Hilary Smith just played the shit out of that few-seconds scene.  Ouch.  Knife in my heart.

Inez tells Clint she'll seduce Bo if it means Clint will get rid of Eddie for good.

Nate calls Dani and assures her he'd kill his father before he ever let him touch her.  She'll probably appreciate that because the women on this show prefer murderous, ragey men.

James cries to his brother.  It just doesn't work.  I mean if the point of it was to make me feel really bad for laughing at him, it worked really well, but I don't like that feeling.

Blair counsels Starr to keep her heart open.

Tea surmises that Todd threatened Eddie's life.  So, we're assuming at this point that Eddie will be killed before too long and we'll have a big whodunit storyline in which half the town is a suspect and then it turns out to be... I don't know.  Maybe Eli's not really dead?

End of episode.  They have mercifully put us out of our brief misery.  Wow.

Destiny out.


I love these recaps - particularly as I haven't seen the show in a while as I can only watch it on youtube, and I kind of got out of whack with it all. But I'm relying on you to keep me updated! I also just saw Chelsea's scene for the first time thanks to you. Happy days. But my favorite part of this whole piece is "Hulk Hogan has an elf wedgie". Genius.

Joey is adorable. I don't like Aubrey or her bangs. That's all I got because I fast forwarded 99.9% of the episode. You should get a prize for watching the entire thing. Thanks for signing off with Destiny Out. You didn't last time and I was sad.

Oh Louise, how you suffer for our sakes! I love how the show keeps insisting I love characters I hate (Fords, Todd) and hate characters I love (CLINT!).

What's your thoughts on nuJoey so far? I like him, he seems like a nice decent guy who's a far cry from the show's other heroes. And I hope he picks up Sky's fallen flag to lead the "I Hate Rex" charge.

The slapstick scene with Kelly, nuJoey and the olive was kind of a throwback to me. GT is really good at physical humor and I did giggle during that stuff.

Of course, I may have just been relieved to see a scene that wasn't about various Fords.

Todd and Tea looking down their noses at Eddie laughable. Todd snarling about anyone for beating up those weaker than him is utterly and completely ludicrous. Are we supposed to have forgotten the way he kicked the crap out of Cole and Markko?

Die in a fire, Todd.

I thought Cole broke up with Starr and said that if she came to visit him he wouldn't see her? Did that get reneged at the end or something? Me am confuzed. That being said, it was nice to see Blair and Starr having a mother/daughter conversation. Even if it was about a Ford... the way everything on this show seems to be about.

Bo and Nora were the best part of the show hands down. When Bo let loose with the 'I'm not the one who cheats' and then followed it up with 'YOU DROVE ME TO IT!' (Caps are mine because that phrase makes me ragey.) I about reached through the screen to punch Bo myself. Not cool, dude!

It's going to be very hard to watch when the shit gets real here... stuff is going down.

And I totally expect them to pin Eddie's inevitable death on Elijah.

Whatever happened to the show we were watching in October and December? Is this the same show?

It took me 10 minutes to watch this episode because I ff'd all of the Ford nonsense. I am sick and tired of them all.
The most annoying part is how manly Bobby Ford keeps telling US how he will never let Eddie hurt James EVER AGAIN!! Give me a break, first of all isn't James a grown-man? I am confused, maybe he's supposed to be a teenager like Nate played by a 30-year old.

James isnt helping me like him either with all his crying and boohoohoo facial expressions. Please get them all out of my tv/computer screen!

Too many Ford/Salinger scenes so yeah it was a meh day on the show.

Can we please have a really good "Who Killed Eddie Ford?" whodunit. I think that would be fun to watch.

I am not buying anything the writers are trying to sell me with Todd threatening Eddie and his new found wrath for child abusers . Like Dandesun said, Todd has been as much of a bully over the years as Eddie has been so it's all a farce as far as I'm concerned. I assume the wood chipper comment was a nod to Fargo. Since Todd is as crazy as the dude who made such use of the wood chipper in the movie it seems accurate.

Bo & Nora's scenes today were the best. RBS & HBS are always a joy to watch. A definite OhNoHeDidn't moment when Bo said "I'm not the one who cheats". Low blow indeed. My heart sank for Nora.

I can't decide if like NuJoey or not. I hate Kelly so his scenes with her were not making it easy. Still need more time to get used to him I guess. I really hope they make more use of him than just the middle of an Aubrey/Kelly triangle. It will also take some time for me to decide what to make of Aubrey.

I love when Tea calls Starr "Estrella". She has always seen Starr like a daughter.

I think I'll give NuJoey a chance. I just have to get over my sadness that Nathan Fillion didn't come back. I will just have to settle for watching Castle every week :)

Otherwise, I'm kinda glad I missed this one. The Fords, their teenage mother, their AWFUL OTT father - there is nothing good about all Fords all the time.

I know I'm gonna incur the wrath of everyone but I'm kinda groovin' on John Wesley Shipp's Eddie. Yeah, he's perfectly awful and has no redeeming value whatsoever, but every show needs a real villain (and he's totally mean to that worthless Inez so he can't be all bad, right?).

Here's hoping Eddie doesn't get offed before we get a bevy of beefcake shots...

(Oh yeah -- and NuJoey's kinda hawt!)

I like Eddie Ford! Anyone that will go to toe with Todd is okay in my book. When OLTL gets around to "who killed Eddie" I want Inez, Nate and Bobbie to all end up either dead or sharing cells with Cole.

Kelly is annoying!

Eddie Ford is good as a villain to hate but sadly don't think he's long for Llanview. Whole point is to prop the ugliness that is Robert Ford. You know- turn rapist, abuser of weak young women into a HERO! Find me a barf bag NOW!

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