"This Is Some Show", She Said In A Voice Drenched With Sarcasm
On paper, it seems like Tuesday's episode of General Hospital had it all. A confrontation between a (-n awesome. Yes, I said it, awesome. You only have yourselves to blame, really, always saying, "Mallory, you don't like ANYTHING". Well, I DO. It just turns out that that anything is Carly, shrieks and all) mother and the older woman trying to date her son. An estranged couple sharing a tender moment (I...am a sucker. I wish Jason Thompson and Kimberly McCullough would just half ass it, even once). Blackmail. Crazy people. Heartbreak. A car chase. It even had blasphemy (really, did anyone else gasp and wonder if the floor would swallow Sam whole when she uttered the words "Well, maybe Jason's right"?! MAYBE?! What kind of a sycophant is she? A bad one, obviously!)!
All of that sounds almost...soapy doesn't it?
AND YET: Dullsvile. Yawn City. Bore Town.
I mean, let's look at the last scene of the episode, following the aforementioned car crash where Jerry (oh, right, Jerry is back. Because we've all been clamoring for that) possibly perished (because I am so sure that the show is going to for real kill off the villain they love to trot out for ghastly, completely illogical deeds), after killing an innocent lab tech and whispering sweet nothings to a dead body ("Tonight is my last chance to bring Alexander home"? Somebody please photoshop Jerry's face onto the cover of a Harlequin novel).
Dante: No one survives that crash.
Jason: Jerry's survived a lot.
Dante: Well, we got to wait for the paperwork. But if he didn't survive, maybe this whole thing's over.
Lucky: And then, what? We just tell Brenda and Siobhan that everything's okay? That they're safe? We don't even know for sure that Jerry was actually The Balkan.
Jason: How is it snowy if it's not winter yet? Did...did the weather break?
Okay, he didn't, but he might as well have, because CONFUSION was plastered all over his face.
Laura Wright has a bevy of facial expressions that I can only describe as amazing, so it works out well that Carly's default state is "reacting to things in an absurd and over-the-top manner" because she gets to show off.
I also loved her talk with Abby. I mean, yes, she is completely oblivious to the fact that the various traumas Michael has experienced are almost completely her fault. Choosing to co-parent with Jason and Sonny basically ensured that he'd experience jail time and a severe case of PTSD; the only question there was when those things would happen. But, really, wouldn't most mothers react...coldly when faced with the prospect of her child dating someone older? I know that he's 18 and all, and that he is not your typical teenager, but...doesn't it raise a few eyebrows and numerous red flags when an adult wants to go on a date with someone who wears a school uniform? I was with Carly there, frankly. And not just because she and Abby looked like contemporaries when they were onscreen together.
Sam? Not with Carly.
Sam: I'm not going to tell Abby to stay away from Michael, and neither should you.
Carly: I don't need you to tell me how to deal with my child.
Sam, laughing condescendingly: Michael's not a child. He hasn't been for a very long time.
Carly: I want Michael to hang out with kids his own age.
Sam: Carly, Michael said the kids his own age are afraid of him. Michael isn't going to have the life that you planned and if you can't accept that, if you try to control that, you're going to lose him.
Carly, plainly thinking "I hope you die in a fire":
Sam is right that Michael is not a child, though. I am starting to wonder if he is even human. At the very least, he is part teddy bear.
As much as the prospect of Michael and Abby dating makes me uncomfortable, it was still sad when she took Carly's advice and told him that she wouldn't be able to go out with him, especially since he was so excited, talking about how he had "A million plan B's" if she didn't want Italian food, and saying they could date around her course load. You could see his heart visibly shatter, like Ralph Wiggum in "I Love Lisa". And when he asked if it was because she's afraid of him? So sad. He needs a hug from an age appropriate person.
I...don't even know what to say.