I learned a lot from today's One Life to Live!
- Having an asthma attack in high school makes the other kids tease you online in extremely uncreative and unfunny ways. They might even call you "Wheezie," which is apparently the world's cruelest insult. I've just become incredibly concerned about my life-long nickname.
- The Buchanans and Lords and McBains and Lovetts are all super-duper religious.
- Mailmen are frequently very impressed by packages that come "all the way" from France and, of course, like to let the recipients know how exciting this is. International shipping! What will they think of next?
- Long, blonde hair (Hope's) looks exactly like short, spiky brown hair (Cole's).
- If someone has had some sort of a mental breakdown and is institutionalized and is unclear on the distinction between fantasy and reality, rather than putting her in treatment sessions, you should really just find the nearest 18-year-old college freshman to go ahead and fill her in on what's real and what isn't, with no mental health professional present.
- If you're planning to have another DNA test to confirm your lineage because you think you may have been lied to, you should totally tell your potentially-lying birth mother that you might do so.
- If you come into town as a bit of a schemer and a con artist and you turn out to be blood-related to a Buchanan, this is very bad news and you will not get any money from them or ever be welcomed into the fold. Across the board. Unless your name is Natalie. This is very, very consistent writing, I promise.