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« The Outlook | Main | Note to Bo: When You Forget Everything After the First Beer... »

January 04, 2011

A Non-Event Even Less Eventful Than Usual

You've known me long enough to become familiar with some of my quirks and oddities, like how I sometimes become obsessed with people behind-the-scenes at soap operas and spend a lot of time constructing elaborate backstories for them. I've been thinking a lot lately, for example, about the gravelly-voiced man who does the ABC promos. What is his deal? How does he cope with the fact that it is his job to blatantly lie to the public?  "A perfect day becomes a perfect nightmare," he said during the promos for the General Hospital bus crash in a most intriguing manner. "They won't just hope for a miracle...they'll fight for it". That doesn't even make SENSE and yet I found myself thinking that there was a chance this story could approach interesting, which is ridiculous because HELLO. Do you think he feels guilty? I hope he does. Not in a "is driven to drink" way, but more a "gets home from work and sits down with his wife and says 'It was a rough day, Karen'" way.

Because this bus crash--and it is impossible to overstate this--is (was? Is it over? I am guessing Olivia's going to have a vigil and that Allie is probably going to die, because her line "It's just a bump. No big deal" signed her death certificate. The only way to make it clearer that she is going to die would have been to give her a few anti-Jason bits of dialogue) unfathomably dull. UNFATHOMABLY. Most, if not all, of GH's non-sweeps non-event stories are heavily promoted feasts of boredom, but this! NOTHING EVEN HAPPENED. They didn't happen IN SLOW MOTION.

(Seriously, I checked at least five times during today's episode to see how much longer was left. When I was confronted with the fact that we were not, as I thought, heading into the last commercial break but had only reached the midway point, I wept.)

There were a few things that DID get a reaction out of me (man, am I relying on the caps lock today or what? I think this is why I have grown so fond of Carly. She speaks the way I type!), but they are the same things that always get a reaction out of me, like...Sonny being selfish.

Sonny: How are the--how are my kids?

This could be a botched line reading, sure, but I am going to give Maurice Benard the benefit of the doubt here (right?! I hope you were sitting down when you read that) because how perfectly Sonny is that?! He can't even keep the facade up for an entire sentence and decides to cut right to the chase: what does this mean for HIM?

Brenda's answer?

 

Brenda: Molly's good, and I saw Michael, he's okay...

She is going to have a hard time keeping track of all of her step-children. Just kidding, their wedding will probably never happen. But if it does, her inability to remember the complicated Port Charles family trees will put her in danger of being taken advantage of by a grifter, coming to town pretending to be Sonny's child in order to hit their stepmother up for money.

Also!

Dante: Why do you always insist on thinking the best of Sonny?
Brenda: Why do you always insist on thinking the worst of Sonny?

For the love of Jason Fucking Morgan (who, by the way, was not even the first hero to make it to the bus crash--Dante was! Does that mean that Dante now officially out-heroes Jason? Or am I going to hell for even putting that thought out into the universe?), does nobody remember the time Sonny SHOT DANTE IN THE CHEST? I know that Dante's petulance is really more about his father marrying the woman he all of a sudden has loved for a really long time than it is the gaping bullet wound, and that any snark would be wasted on Brenda, who thinks the shooting was no big deal, aside from how much it upset Sonny, but seriously: Shot! In! The! Chest! Dante deserves to be pestered for a lot of things, most notably his hair, but his issues with Sonny should be off-limits. If you can't get annoyed with the guy who SHOT YOU IN THE CHEST every once in a while, who CAN you get annoyed with?

I feel like something else must have happened over the course of that episode, since it was, like, ten hours long, but my mind is a blank. I have vague memories of Cam being predictably adorable and new Morgan showing himself to be a pretty good little actor, but other than that...nothing. Yeah, ABC, it was totally worth it to have the promo for this damn story airing round the clock on every channel known to man, because it was obviously compelling stuff.

Comments

You are too funny...I have not watched the show in such a long time-seems like I am not missing much. Thank you for your take on the recaps so much BETTER than watching this Freak show! Guza suchs mucho!

You know what didn't happen? They didn't move two of the most injured people and the medical professionals to the camp with a fire, and therefore heat and light. Was cold supposed to be helping Olivia - it's not like they didn't move her at all to prevent further injuries? And shouldn't Maxie have been at the fire, since getting cold exacerbates her heart condition? Yes, of all the ridiculous things - like why Michael didn't use the phone the FIRST time he was at the road - the campfire thing bugged me the most.

I actually saw the GH promo WHILE WATCHING GH today. 'Splain it to me, Lucy.

There were actually some good parts about today's show-- Cameron; Matt and Maxie; scenes in the hospital; Abby... oh, and my personal favorite line.

Morgan: Mom, I'm pretty sure you couldn't have stopped the bus crash just by being there.
Me: No, but Jason could have. He could have looked at the bus and it would have stopped to bow down to his holiness.

Mallory, I thought I was so clever when I realized that Allie was gonna be a goner but I guess great minds think alike :)
After all those lines that Maxie has been throwing out about how she doesn't know what she would do if he ever died, I'm really glad that Dr. Shawn-Douglas Brady didn't die.

You all can make fun of me if you wish...but I found myself wishing for Toxic Balls today. TOXIC BALLS people! Sure it was nonsensical. Sure it was stupid. But at least I had playing Where's Waldo with Rebecca and some seriously fun stuff inbetween the nonsense with the toxic balls.

If this entire non-sweeps stunt was just to make Toxic Balls look better..well played evil Guza...well played.

Also, am I the only one who teared up at the white couch and Dante bleeding story?

I've maintained for a long time that they should just let the promo people write the show. As long as they cut it down to promo length, it will be a lot more interesting and compelling.

I just tuned in to the show for a few minutes on SoapNet just out of morbid curiosity and I think I nearly nodded off.


Oh, but Cameron and Maxie and Matt are kind of adorable. Adorably boring. But adorable.

I fell asleep watching part of the bus scenes on YT....zzzzzz.

Carly, Alexis and Liz should have been on the bus with their children instead of Olivia. Each of the mother's should have been hurt in some way instead of killing 2 random day players.

Lol!!! well said lol! well said.

No doubt Allie is going to eat it with that bump on the head line, not to mention the new-found happiness she spewed at the hospital over a new guy. WAYYYY too much happiness to live in Guza's world. It's like watching Chopped on Food TV or Project Runway or any of the other myriad of competition shows. Whoever is doing the most smack-talking or seems the most sure of themselves during the pre-vote interview is most definitely going to be the wearer of the red shirt. Allie, sorry, hon, but you won't be beaming up.

It was like nails on a chalkboard when Carly was whining incessantly in the car with Jason yesterday over WHEN, WHEN will she ever learn that her children are the most important thing to her?! Uh, never, Carly. Never. Just give it up.

I'm beginning to think that you can't REALLY be loved by Sonny unless he shoots you at some point. Carly in the head, Dante in the chest. Brenda better get a flack jacket and FAST.

This was a HUGE missed opportunity for this to be the Jackyl's grand exit off this show.

Here is my whole problem with the bus crash. How in the hell was EVERYONE thrown from the bus?? I mean, what? Did the door open and they all spilled out? Did the roof get ripped off and they all were thrown?? Everyone should have been trapped ON THE BUS not all strewn across the snow. Wait. There I go again looking for logic in this show.

Injecting just a tiny bit of reality into the blogger comments - windows in busses are designed to pop out easily when there's a crash for the obvious reasons. To make it easy to get out when the bus is on its side or about to slide down the side of a mountain before it explodes (oh wait. That didn't happen) or just before it gets sucked up into the Bermudirondack Triangle (which it did, apparently). Grain shovel Wham! to the producers for not ponying up for at least a graphic of a bus longer than three seconds of it on the mountain road.

We actually thought the last couple of days were pretty good except for the silliness in general. We really thought/hoped Jason would crash into Dante's jeep. Then Carly could say it was all Dante's fault. How did Dante find out about the crash and why was Brenda in the jeep with him? Why, when they found Mike and Molly in the road, didn't he tell Brenda immediately to put Molly in the Jeep to warm up? Does Brenda even know how too turn a vehicle on? Doesn't matter, Molly probably does. And this is a cop's Jeep. One would think he'd have a major league first aid kit in there somewhere.

NLG/Alexis - we love her. Scrubs? They're telegraphing what happens to Matt with his cutting arm all messed up - hey didn't that happen to Alan a looong time ago? Abby sitting next to Sonny? Should be interesting. Suzanne specifically mentioned strip clubs as one of the reasons ASEC couldn't take Sonny's money because the dancers are exploited women.

Except for Theo Hoffman, and not the Balkan crap - the Hoffman character himself - there was absolutely nothing interesting happening plot-wise with anybody on this show in the last four months. The bus crash at least sets up some things for the background characters to do for a while. Then we can sharpen the grain shovels (Wham!Wham!) for Franco's return and for the excruciatingly long build-up to S&B's wedding.

I just love the fact that we have a bus crash without a bus!

But in honesty, I DID tear up with Olivia's couch story, I really did.

And I loved how mini-Alexis Kristina's become. AND I loved the scene between Alexis and Sam.

I actually liked this episode. No one got shot!

Well I'm gonna contradict my moniker, because I admit the promos compelled me to turn in to yesterday's episode. Certainly not the worst GH episode I've ever seen (to echo Neka's point - bonus points for no one getting shot!). Matt & Maxie - all kinds of adorable, just as I knew they would be. I'm almost tempted to turn in occasionally to see what's happening with them. "Almost" being the operative word, lol.

While I totally appreciate the sentiment that no one getting shot is a good thing...cause yeah I so agree with that...isn't totally sad THAT is how low we have set our standards for entertainment as far as GH goes? No one got shot today.

Why did Brenda even mention Molly? Last time I checked, she wasn't one of Sonny's kids.

Kathleen, Sonny's seed spreads so sneakily that statistically she COULD be Sonny's.

I don't understand how this whole story from bus departure to rescue is going to be all of 4 episodes plus some vigil episodes at the hospital which will probably be about Sonny remembering he has children for 5 minutes and Dante crying into his gross shaggy hair over Olivia.

I have to say though Chad Duell was very good during this whole boring story, he definitely brings a little glimmer of hope to this show. If anyone deserves to be hero worshiped for awhile it's Michael after all the writers have put him through. Of course he won't be the hero because Jason and Dante arrived to stare and do absolutely nothing to help so they are obviously the heroes. Hopefully seeing Michael step up, take charge, and take care of others, especially his family, makes viewers remember that he is not the son of Sonny Corithos but the grandson of Alan, Monica, and Bobbie true GH legends.

I love how every time you mention Sonny having shot Dante in the chest, you use all caps and, often, multiple exclamation points. It seriously makes me LOL.

Was it really necessary for everyone in PC to end up with broken arms and legs, just to kill of Abby, a bus driver, and maybe Olivia? Couldn't those three "key" characters have been in a car together so that maybe somewhere in PC, something interesting is actually happening? It's so compelling to watch them order defibrillators, prep OR's, and work around the clock to....uhh...so nothing really happens (at least nothing I actually give a crap about).

The only thing I enjoyed was Maxie, Matt and Cameron... truly that was it....

Although Dante getting to the accident before St. Jason was a bit of a surprise-- didn't Guza would allow Jason to upstaged in the hero worship department.

What I find amazing -- Sonny is able to justify almost killing 3 of 4 children and Brenda is horrible to watch (I used to love VM as much as Brenda--now not so much)

My favorite line in this: "She is going to have a hard time keeping track of all of her step-children. Just kidding, their wedding will probably never happen."

Hahaha! I know I'm late commenting (I've been on a GH sabbatical since Christmas and am only now getting caught up on what's going on), but this line was too funny. Mallory, your wit always amuses.

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