All Of Their Children Are Very Dull And Poorly Written
The prospect of All My Children getting a new (old?) head writer is really interfering with my ability to write about this show. I worry that saying something like, "This show is relentlessly boring. I wish the writers understood that soap operas aren't supposed to put viewers to sleep" could be interpreted as "Hey, the viewers want something they can't take their eyes away from. You can't take your eyes off of a slow-motion trainwreck, right?!?!" Not that I'm self-absorbed enough to think that ABC Daytime makes their decisions based on how much angst it would bring into my life (ALTHOUGH, that would explain A LOT about the last few years in soaps), but I am just leery of even putting it out into the universe.
That being said...something here needs to give because OH MY GOD this show is boring. NOTHING happens. And what does happen has HAPPENED BEFORE. It is like watching a never-ending repeat. A never-ending repeat of an episode that you deleted from your DVR without ever watching it in its entirety on account of the dullness. I mean, really, how many days in a row can we watch:
- Amanda being insecure about Cara?
- Annie becoming unglued over Marissa, of all people (I know that Melissa Claire Egan does unhinged like no other and I admit to cackling when Annie told a knocked out and groaning Marissa to shut up as she came up with a hasty cover story--"the nosy bitch surprises the intruder!"--but she deserves better than going crazy over a romantic rival AGAIN)?
- Ryan being the recipient of fawning lines about how "kind" he is and how "heroic" he is and how "integral to the show, to the point where there's no story he shouldn't be a part of because what story can't be improved by him bugging his eyes out and pulling a douchey attitude with everyone he encounters"?
It is PAINFUL.
Although there is one--and I do mean one. As in "the loneliest number". The cheese standing alone. So on and so forth--bright spot: Daniel Cosgrove reassuming the role of Scott Chandler. He is so charming and twinkly and interesting.
I was one of the few people who didn't mind Adam Mayfield as Scott. I mean, he was fine. He did an adequate job with what the writers gave him...which was nothing. I don't know if it's because Daniel Cosgrove is more experienced and better at bringing little things to each line, or if the writing for the character has improved dramatically or if I am just still utterly charmed by his turn as Freddy Mason on Dirty Sexy Money, but I am so enjoying his return so far and I feel like he has chemistry to spare with Stephanie Gatschet AND Rebecca Budig. Can you imagine a triangle between the three of them? Greenlee and Madison sparring over a love interest that was actually worth a damn?! It would be all kinds of entertaining. So it definitely won't ever, ever happen.