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« Failed Sympathy Elicitations (or Suck It, John McBain) | Main | A Silver Lining Shocker »

January 26, 2011

In Which Jason Morgan Preaches To The Choir

Agreeing with Jason Morgan makes me feel uncomfortable. I could get up on my high horse and pretend that I feel morally wrong agreeing with a hitman but, really, it mostly makes me uncomfortable because it forces me to admit that Bob Guza has gotten one over on me and forced me to take the side of his most beloved hero and that seriously rankles. But sometimes--rarely, thankfully!--Jason says something amazing and I find myself wanting to burst into spontaneous applause or contemplating purchasing a "Jason Is My Homeboy" t-shirt, if such a thing existed (and it probably does because have you seen some of the fan-designed GH gear on ABC's website? It's a treasure trove of things that should not be).

Jason is as impatient and dismissive of Spinelli's book (another real thing that should not be! SERIOUSLY, that is going to be a real book. Sold for real US dollars!) as I am and, for once, his lust for violence is a good thing.

Sam, known for the rest of this sentence by the alias "Captain OBVIOUS" because DUH: I'm sure you're going to be the ultimate action hero. You're going to strong and brave. Oh, and you're bedding all the women, you're going to have your martini shaken, not stirred.
Jason: Okay, if he writes anything like that in the book I'm going to kill him [Thing Jason Said That I Loved #1--Ed.].
Sam: Stop. I think it's sweet.
Jason: Why are you so easy on him? [Thing Jason Said That I Loved #2, even if this one was sort of hypocritical because Spinelli has a throng of enablers, but Jason is the most enabling--Ed.]
Sam: You're never really as mad as you say you are.
Jason: No, I am mad. It's a stupid book! [Thing Jason Said That I Loved #3--Ed.]

Later, when Diane was giving him the cold shoulder because she's peeved that Max is caught up in the whirling dervish that is Brenda:

Diane: You have yet to comment on my curt demeanor.
Jason: You're always like this.

The robot made a funny!

Divider

Speaking of Diane, she was pleased as punch to hear that Theo hired Shawn to do some security/investigative work for him (and also some ass-kicking work on the side. I'd ask what, exactly, Johnny has to do with The Balkan and also, you know, WHY, but that would imply that I am at all interested in this story and I'm not. I paid attention only long enough to see Lulu find the injured Johnny and take him home and heard him say "Just like old times, huh? Ever miss those days? Come on, you and me on the run from the law, hanging out in that New Yor City apartment for weeks?" NO, Johnny, we do NOT miss those days. Those days were AWFUL) and spent the entire episode looking Shawn up and down and...getting aroused.

Diane: I'm sure your services will be much appreciated.

Diane: I think I speak for both of us when I say we look forward to a long and fruitful collaboration.

Diane: I, for one, will feel much safer knowing that Shawn is providing protection.

The italics don't fully convey just how lascivious those words actually were. She was undressing him with her eyes! He's handsome and much more capable, articulate, and likable than Max, but pull yourself together, woman!

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Things happened with Maya and Ethan and...I can't be bothered to watch their scenes. I'm sorry. With the right scene partner(s), Ethan and Nathan Parsons can be tolerable, but with Maya, it's nonstop boredom. I mention them only to wonder what is going to happen to Maya now that Annie Ilonzeh has been cast on the reboot of Charlie's Angels that ABC is filming. Will they recast her? Or will Bob Guza see it as the perfect opportunity to get rid of a Quartermaine and play it off like, "Hey, I WANTED Maya in town, but the actress is leaving and I only like to recast characters I care about, so...."?

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The Quartermaine family got a fair amount of airtime today! Edward made an adorable appearance, and Brook Lynn and Tracy had a heart-to-heart that was filled with both barbs and family loyalty.

Brook Lynn: I'm not going to leave him vulnerable to that Elizabeth.
Tracy: Well, aside from being a little too fertile, I've never heard a bad word about her.

Um, it goes without saying that Jane Elliot's delivery of that line was about as genius as can be. If only compilations of one-liners were eligible for Emmy consideration! Hell, if more people saw her doing her thing, she could probably pick up a few write-in votes in the next presidential election.

Brook Lynn: Well, then you're not paying attention. Elizabeth is a manipulative bitch. I'm sorry, she is. She didn't care about Nikolas, she didn't want Nikolas until she realized that, oh wait, she couldn't get her claws into Lucky so now she comes running around at all hours and lame excuses and that smile and "Oh, hi, Nikolas!"

The worst thing about this? Is that Brook is kind of right. Damn, the writing for Liz is off-kilter and also terrible. When she invited Nikolas to dinner and then overheard Brook Lynn inviting him out that night and suggested that he do that instead in the sweetest tone of voice, like, "Oh, Nikolas, you deserve to do that instead, that sounds so fun. See how nice and selfless I am, Nikolas? See? Because I am. Nice and selfless. Watch me smile sweetly. Smile!" I got secondhand embarrassment.

Although I also got secondhand embarrassment when Brook Lynn said, "This must be fate, because I was just thinking about you." That was just so sad and so...gross. I am baffled by NIKOLAS being the center of a love triangle.

But, yeah, Brook Lynn is crazy in love.

Brook Lynn: I mean, you got the guy that you want, so why can't I?
Tracy: You're not comparing Nikolas to Luke, are you?
Brook Lynn: I'm just saying that you got to follow your bliss. You got to follow your bliss. Why can't I do that?
Tracy: Okay, you make a compelling point. Go ahead, knock yourself out. Get your man. But if he so much as looks at you cross-eyed, I will get him.

Okay, two points:

1) I love both of my grandmothers dearly, so I'd never wish for Tracy to replace either of them. I would, however, like her to be a supportive great-aunt or something.

2) Follow your bliss is the worst phrase of all time and always makes me think of Project Runway's loathsome Daniel Franco. Not a good thing.

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Remember when Sonny found out that Dante was his son and, as Dante recovered from the gunshot wound he received at Sonny's hand, listed all of the ways that the two of them are so similar? Well, I've found another one: they are both fucking childish! Sonny becomes cranky when he hasn't taken a nap and Dante acts like the impish child in a 70s family movie who plots to scare away the suitors of his divorced mother, leading to all sorts of wackiness and a heart-warming conclusion. Really, what was that with interrogating Steven about his intentions? I understand looking out for your mother, but...

Steven: Yeah, your mom wanted to go home and cook. She has trouble with the concept of taking it easy.
Dante: Yeah, you don't have to tell me about my mother.
Steven: That wasn't my intention.
Dante: Look, I'm sorry. I know that you got close in the bus crash and everything, but if you want to wine and dine her, don't you think you should wait a few days?
Steven: I enjoy your mother's company. I like to think the feeling's mutual.
Dante: Isn't that some kind of ethics code-breaking?

Petulance does not suit you, Mr. Falconeri!

Olivia was rightly furious that her son was interfering in her private life. She decided not to go out to dinner with Steven, but compromised and allowed him to make grilled cheese for the two of them before having a long (it was a really long scene, wasn't it? Not that it wasn't enjoyable, because it sort of was--Scott Reeves and Lisa LoCicero work well together and are pretty and if this paring takes off, are destined to be backburnered--but it went on for a really long time) conversation about Steven's inability to take a compliment. He also confessed that he likes her. Like likes her, if you know what I mean and I think Dante does, and he's probably going to be so mad that he'll cyberbully Steve or something.

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Today also saw some movement in the "Lisa wants Terrell to get with Robin so she can get with Patrick" story. Robin is experiencing garage door problems and heaved a heavy sigh.

Robin: I guess I should get used to doing things on my own.
Patrick: [Makes horrified, "What do you mean 'on your own'? Are we not a thing?" face]
Lisa: [Makes gleeful"What do you mean 'on your own'? Are you and Patrick not a thing?" face]
Terrell: [Makes cunning "Does it look like I'm plotting something no good? Because I am, but I don't want people to know that. Damn, I'm not thinking this out loud, am I?" face]

She made a few phone calls (and learned that there is a two-week waiting period for garage door repairs. What the fuck is going on in Port Charles right now?!) and she and Liz started talking about the life of a single mother (at one point, Liz asked if they lived in the same house and I got so excited at how adorable it would be to see Robin and Liz and Cam and Jake and Aiden and Emma as roommates, and then I remembered that Elizabeth is being written off the show, probably in a violent manner, and I got sad inside) and Terrell entered with an oh-so-smooth joke about how he can barely shop for groceries, because you know how single men are? So helpless and hapless! LOLOLOL.

Then he pretends to be really good at fixing things and Robin accepts his offer of help. Lisa is DELIGHTED, albeit skeptical of his plan because he's not a handy person.

Lisa: So what's your plan? Are you going to be so inept that Robin's just going to give you pity sex?

I giggled. I also giggled when she skipped (literally! Bitch crazy) away.

Patrick was territorial and offended. That's where things got weird. 

Patrick: Robin, I offered to help you with the garage door. Why didn't you take my offer? [...]I said I would take care of it, so...
Robin: Terrell's taking care of it.

Is it just me, or did things suddenly take a turn for the euphemistic?! Ew, whatever Terrell is taking care of, it better not be in front of Emma!

Comments

If I never get another tweet from ANYONE connected to that stupid book it will be too soon. I want anyone who would actually buy that THING's brain studied for science.

even Lulu said "No" when Johnny asked if she missed the old days. LOL so random.

While I kind of love the idea of a nonsensical "Jason is my Homebody" t-shirt, I think you meant "Jason is my Homeboy". Either way, said t-shirt should be burned with fire.

Also, the writing for Elizabeth isn't off at all. They're clearly writing her as a horrible person so we won't miss her when she's murdered. I hate this show.

"...Elizabeth is going to be killed off, probably in a violent manner."

Which will tie in somehow with Helena's reappearance. You heard it here first.

Not that Liz's probable murder can be redeemed in any way, shape or form. But the possibility that Helena may at last be liberated from the Victor Kiriakis circle of evil, in which the supposed villain/villainess breathes threats 24/7 but never actually does anything, is rather intriguing.

Thanks so much for sharing such great information

Maybe I'm a bit late on this conceptual leap here, but your post made me realize: maybe we WANT Liz killed off in a horribly violent way because that probably means (as she's kinda Spencer) Helena kidnapped her and she can come back! With a greek baby secret. Um. Well that sucks, but she can come back! And that hella doesn't suck!

And I just read what Brett wrote, and I obvs am a bit slow on this. Oh well, better late than never!

Disagree on your assessment of Liz's suggestion to Nik regarding his going for sushi with Brooklyn. I don't see how she was out of line for letting Nik know that they could move their dinner to another night. Her response was one that a mature person would give. I heard no more of a sugary expression in Liz's tone, than I did when she spoke to Robin today about being a single mom.

It is apparent that the writer's are planning to trash the hell out of Liz before her departure. Not only am I appalled by BH's firing, I am infuriated and disgusted by this intentional hate-fueled decimation of her character by those in charge. Never in my wildest imagination did I ever anticipate Liz would exit in such a ugly and unappreciated way. It's no wonder GH is facing cancellation.

"the fan-designed GH gear on ABC's website? It's a treasure trove of things that should not be" ROTFLMAO !!!

I have never been there before and it's just hysterical! The only thing that made sense to me was the Coleman t-shirt but it needs a picture! It's obvious who the writer favorites are when they are the first thing you see on the page. Bleach! I just hate the mob crap! The only character I like anymore is Tracy, and she's a Quartermaine, so limited future life. Sigh! I, also, now hate this show. Poor, sad Liz, may you RIP from this story hell.

I just realized this morning how very long this Robin/Patrick separation has been (wasn't the reveal in August or September?), and how very little (i.e., nothing) has happened -- there hasn't been one substantive conversation about why he did what he did, how their respective baggage impacts everything, etc. I wasn't really expecting otherwise, but I'm still disappointed somehow.

That store is creepy. All the Franco stuff, and property of Jason Morgan, and What Would Sonny Do is bad enough, but... Why is there an infant onesie that says "property of Ethan Lovett"? Is Ethan buying children somewhere?

How about the "fan made" mousepad with Franco's graffiti tag written in rose petals. Nothin' says love in the afternoon like a serial killer's calling card.

My guess is all the "I'd rather be watching General Hospital" items have gone unsold.

I can answer the question "What Would Sonny Do?" He'd throw barware, stutter, and then shoot one of his children in the chest.

I urge you to peruse page 2 for a t-shirt with an EFFING CHALK OUTLINE OF A BODY. Also, try not to vomit when you see the "Sonny's Sweeties" shirt on page 5.

I'm drawing a blank here. There's a fan made onesie that reads "I <3 Susan". Am I losing my mind? Is there a Susan on GH? Perhaps pouring over the fan made merch killed a sizeable portion of my brain, and I'm forgetting someone obvious?

Fan designed GH gear?!?!?!?! OHH.EMM.GEE. I think I'm going to be nauseous. This is wrong on soooooooo many different levels. I just...I can't.....I mean REALLY?!?!

For a show which has been sorely lacking in black men for the last few years (I mean, it was the only soap still on the air without one even as a background character...how is that even possible?), they've had two attractive ones in the last month, AND YET, neither of them was cast as the one who is supposed to be so smooth he can woo Robin away from a guy so adorable I can forgive him for just about any indiscretion (including, regularly behaving like a spoiled four year old). WTF?!

Liz doesn't really seem any different than she's always been when it comes to a man she wants and another woman being involved. #justsayin

Here's my question of the week: Why did the Balkan need Siobhan to find out the location of Brenda's wedding? He couldn't just ask her himself in his capacity as her lawyer? He needed to get Siobhan to ask Lucky to ask Spinelli?

Unbelievable bullshit moments of the week:

1) Theo ONCE AGAIN going all "I don't understand the term 'attorney/client privilege'" again in various bullshit ways.

2) Terrell basically turning Robin's living room lighting all disco strobe with his shitty wiring skills. Yeah, that totally can happen.

3) Siobhan being needed by an international crime figure who has basically been able to stay under the radar for umpteen years for...what exactly? A complete an utter bullshit storyline, that's what.

There's so many, I can't post them all. Let me just say that if you're going to go with this level of cheeseball, why not go all the way with it and get back to the days of freezing the world and aliens living in Port Charles. If you're going to live outside the realm of reality, why not take it to the limit?

Guza is forever putting Liz in triangles and quads for years after Lucky #2 showed up in 2000. It's getting old and redundant.

1)Lucky#2/Liz/Jason - 2000
2)Jason/Liz/Zander - 2002
3)Ric/Liz/Zander - 2003
4)Lucky#3/Liz/Jason/Sam - 2006 - 2007
5)Lucky/Liz/Nik - 2009
6)Liz/Nik/Brook - 2010/2011

hey ladybug-- think you missed one

Liz, her sister Sarah, and Lucky #2-- not sure of time frame

but your are right-- Liz is always involved in triangles, quads

OMG-- I just checked out the ABC store--not that I didn't believe your wonderful blog but who buys this stuff??? Really who buys it and who makes it??? "FAN MADE" what fan-- who creates the stuff. "Property of Ethan Lovett" baby onies??!!! what why is that necessary. "Sonny's sweeties" again why????

My favorite a pink baby onies "Property of Erica Cane" misspelling Cane-- it is KANE-- Made by a Fan-- really?

tish - I also saw one that referred to "Maximista" (pretty sure that's "Maxinista"), and one that listed character first names and included "Jacks" (pretty sure Jasper Jacks goes by the nickname Jax, not Jacks). You'd think ABC would want to get in there and at least do some quality control...

I thought it was always "Maximista," particularly since her name is Maximilliana...

As for the Liz polygons:
0) Liz/Lucky#1/Sarah/Nik (Liz liked Lucky but Lucky liked Sarah who liked Nik)

1.5) Liz/Lucky#2/Sarah (Liz and Lucky had only been broken up for a minute when Lucky and Sarah decided that all the working-out they'd been doing together should get horizontal).

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