In Which Jason Morgan Preaches To The Choir
Agreeing with Jason Morgan makes me feel uncomfortable. I could get up on my high horse and pretend that I feel morally wrong agreeing with a hitman but, really, it mostly makes me uncomfortable because it forces me to admit that Bob Guza has gotten one over on me and forced me to take the side of his most beloved hero and that seriously rankles. But sometimes--rarely, thankfully!--Jason says something amazing and I find myself wanting to burst into spontaneous applause or contemplating purchasing a "Jason Is My Homeboy" t-shirt, if such a thing existed (and it probably does because have you seen some of the fan-designed GH gear on ABC's website? It's a treasure trove of things that should not be).
Jason is as impatient and dismissive of Spinelli's book (another real thing that should not be! SERIOUSLY, that is going to be a real book. Sold for real US dollars!) as I am and, for once, his lust for violence is a good thing.
Sam, known for the rest of this sentence by the alias "Captain OBVIOUS" because DUH: I'm sure you're going to be the ultimate action hero. You're going to strong and brave. Oh, and you're bedding all the women, you're going to have your martini shaken, not stirred.
Jason: Okay, if he writes anything like that in the book I'm going to kill him [Thing Jason Said That I Loved #1--Ed.].
Sam: Stop. I think it's sweet.
Jason: Why are you so easy on him? [Thing Jason Said That I Loved #2, even if this one was sort of hypocritical because Spinelli has a throng of enablers, but Jason is the most enabling--Ed.]
Sam: You're never really as mad as you say you are.
Jason: No, I am mad. It's a stupid book! [Thing Jason Said That I Loved #3--Ed.]
Later, when Diane was giving him the cold shoulder because she's peeved that Max is caught up in the whirling dervish that is Brenda:
Diane: You have yet to comment on my curt demeanor.
Jason: You're always like this.
The robot made a funny!
Speaking of Diane, she was pleased as punch to hear that Theo hired Shawn to do some security/investigative work for him (and also some ass-kicking work on the side. I'd ask what, exactly, Johnny has to do with The Balkan and also, you know, WHY, but that would imply that I am at all interested in this story and I'm not. I paid attention only long enough to see Lulu find the injured Johnny and take him home and heard him say "Just like old times, huh? Ever miss those days? Come on, you and me on the run from the law, hanging out in that New Yor City apartment for weeks?" NO, Johnny, we do NOT miss those days. Those days were AWFUL) and spent the entire episode looking Shawn up and down and...getting aroused.
Diane: I'm sure your services will be much appreciated.
Diane: I think I speak for both of us when I say we look forward to a long and fruitful collaboration.
Diane: I, for one, will feel much safer knowing that Shawn is providing protection.
The italics don't fully convey just how lascivious those words actually were. She was undressing him with her eyes! He's handsome and much more capable, articulate, and likable than Max, but pull yourself together, woman!
Things happened with Maya and Ethan and...I can't be bothered to watch their scenes. I'm sorry. With the right scene partner(s), Ethan and Nathan Parsons can be tolerable, but with Maya, it's nonstop boredom. I mention them only to wonder what is going to happen to Maya now that Annie Ilonzeh has been cast on the reboot of Charlie's Angels that ABC is filming. Will they recast her? Or will Bob Guza see it as the perfect opportunity to get rid of a Quartermaine and play it off like, "Hey, I WANTED Maya in town, but the actress is leaving and I only like to recast characters I care about, so...."?
The Quartermaine family got a fair amount of airtime today! Edward made an adorable appearance, and Brook Lynn and Tracy had a heart-to-heart that was filled with both barbs and family loyalty.
Brook Lynn: I'm not going to leave him vulnerable to that Elizabeth.
Tracy: Well, aside from being a little too fertile, I've never heard a bad word about her.
Um, it goes without saying that Jane Elliot's delivery of that line was about as genius as can be. If only compilations of one-liners were eligible for Emmy consideration! Hell, if more people saw her doing her thing, she could probably pick up a few write-in votes in the next presidential election.
Brook Lynn: Well, then you're not paying attention. Elizabeth is a manipulative bitch. I'm sorry, she is. She didn't care about Nikolas, she didn't want Nikolas until she realized that, oh wait, she couldn't get her claws into Lucky so now she comes running around at all hours and lame excuses and that smile and "Oh, hi, Nikolas!"
The worst thing about this? Is that Brook is kind of right. Damn, the writing for Liz is off-kilter and also terrible. When she invited Nikolas to dinner and then overheard Brook Lynn inviting him out that night and suggested that he do that instead in the sweetest tone of voice, like, "Oh, Nikolas, you deserve to do that instead, that sounds so fun. See how nice and selfless I am, Nikolas? See? Because I am. Nice and selfless. Watch me smile sweetly. Smile!" I got secondhand embarrassment.
Although I also got secondhand embarrassment when Brook Lynn said, "This must be fate, because I was just thinking about you." That was just so sad and so...gross. I am baffled by NIKOLAS being the center of a love triangle.
But, yeah, Brook Lynn is crazy in love.
Brook Lynn: I mean, you got the guy that you want, so why can't I?
Tracy: You're not comparing Nikolas to Luke, are you?
Brook Lynn: I'm just saying that you got to follow your bliss. You got to follow your bliss. Why can't I do that?
Tracy: Okay, you make a compelling point. Go ahead, knock yourself out. Get your man. But if he so much as looks at you cross-eyed, I will get him.
Okay, two points:
1) I love both of my grandmothers dearly, so I'd never wish for Tracy to replace either of them. I would, however, like her to be a supportive great-aunt or something.
2) Follow your bliss is the worst phrase of all time and always makes me think of Project Runway's loathsome Daniel Franco. Not a good thing.
Remember when Sonny found out that Dante was his son and, as Dante recovered from the gunshot wound he received at Sonny's hand, listed all of the ways that the two of them are so similar? Well, I've found another one: they are both fucking childish! Sonny becomes cranky when he hasn't taken a nap and Dante acts like the impish child in a 70s family movie who plots to scare away the suitors of his divorced mother, leading to all sorts of wackiness and a heart-warming conclusion. Really, what was that with interrogating Steven about his intentions? I understand looking out for your mother, but...
Steven: Yeah, your mom wanted to go home and cook. She has trouble with the concept of taking it easy.
Dante: Yeah, you don't have to tell me about my mother.
Steven: That wasn't my intention.
Dante: Look, I'm sorry. I know that you got close in the bus crash and everything, but if you want to wine and dine her, don't you think you should wait a few days?
Steven: I enjoy your mother's company. I like to think the feeling's mutual.
Dante: Isn't that some kind of ethics code-breaking?
Petulance does not suit you, Mr. Falconeri!
Olivia was rightly furious that her son was interfering in her private life. She decided not to go out to dinner with Steven, but compromised and allowed him to make grilled cheese for the two of them before having a long (it was a really long scene, wasn't it? Not that it wasn't enjoyable, because it sort of was--Scott Reeves and Lisa LoCicero work well together and are pretty and if this paring takes off, are destined to be backburnered--but it went on for a really long time) conversation about Steven's inability to take a compliment. He also confessed that he likes her. Like likes her, if you know what I mean and I think Dante does, and he's probably going to be so mad that he'll cyberbully Steve or something.
Today also saw some movement in the "Lisa wants Terrell to get with Robin so she can get with Patrick" story. Robin is experiencing garage door problems and heaved a heavy sigh.
Robin: I guess I should get used to doing things on my own.
Patrick: [Makes horrified, "What do you mean 'on your own'? Are we not a thing?" face]
Lisa: [Makes gleeful"What do you mean 'on your own'? Are you and Patrick not a thing?" face]
Terrell: [Makes cunning "Does it look like I'm plotting something no good? Because I am, but I don't want people to know that. Damn, I'm not thinking this out loud, am I?" face]
She made a few phone calls (and learned that there is a two-week waiting period for garage door repairs. What the fuck is going on in Port Charles right now?!) and she and Liz started talking about the life of a single mother (at one point, Liz asked if they lived in the same house and I got so excited at how adorable it would be to see Robin and Liz and Cam and Jake and Aiden and Emma as roommates, and then I remembered that Elizabeth is being written off the show, probably in a violent manner, and I got sad inside) and Terrell entered with an oh-so-smooth joke about how he can barely shop for groceries, because you know how single men are? So helpless and hapless! LOLOLOL.
Then he pretends to be really good at fixing things and Robin accepts his offer of help. Lisa is DELIGHTED, albeit skeptical of his plan because he's not a handy person.
Lisa: So what's your plan? Are you going to be so inept that Robin's just going to give you pity sex?
I giggled. I also giggled when she skipped (literally! Bitch crazy) away.
Patrick was territorial and offended. That's where things got weird.
Patrick: Robin, I offered to help you with the garage door. Why didn't you take my offer? [...]I said I would take care of it, so...
Robin: Terrell's taking care of it.
Is it just me, or did things suddenly take a turn for the euphemistic?! Ew, whatever Terrell is taking care of, it better not be in front of Emma!