Note to Bo: When You Forget Everything After the First Beer...
...something fucked up happened. We humans do not black out after one beer. When something that is total common sense has to be told to you by Rex and you still don't even take it into consideration? You're in serious brain power trouble.
"Eh? Drugged? Nah, Inez is a really, super wonderful woman who apparently seduced me while I was too far-gone to make any sort of reasonable decisions! Just because at the same time this was happening my wife was being held captive by Inez's ex who was sending fake text messages pretending to be Nora telling me to sleep with Inez, that doesn't mean it has anything to do with me sleeping with Inez! Where do you see this connection? I frequently get loaded and forget everything halfway through the first beer!"
You make me crazy, Commissioner! And stop being nice to that horrendous woman -- you seriously think you're not in a "I guess it's time to establish some boundaries" situation yet after breaking your marriage vows and getting kicked out of your home?
Oh, and a note to Cristian: First of all, you are adorable.
Second of all, passing out naked and sleeping overnight in a bed with a woman you made out with several times the night before (and the woman happens to be a former sexual partner of yours) means that you betrayed your fiancée. Sure, it's not as bad as it would've been had you and Blair gotten it on, but this is not a "free pass" scenario, sir. (Also, a "pillow person??" Nice.)
And note to David: Shut up.
Honestly, One Life to Live is very good at camp, but keep camp where camp is appropriate. Today wasn't anywhere near as bad as David's appearance yesterday (the Have-a-Seat stuff is perfectly campy and fun, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was expected of me in response to the Moroccan prison business -- if you want us to care, don't play tragedy as a camp-fest), but it just exhausts me to think that he'll be back for a few episodes or a few weeks or even months and once again keep Dorian freakin' Lord in storyline jail.
Note to Ron Carlivati: Hey you! Old friend! Thanks for throwing that bone on Monday and Tuesday. You gave us two full Ford-free episodes to start off 2011! I thank you for that.
Oh yeah, so the Fords were on today and so were their irritating girlfriends and everyone said things that made me cringe and.... who am I kidding, I didn't even see the first twenty minutes because of the special report from Washington, so I shouldn't complain. It's just that when I do get to tune in and have to be subjected to an over-heated hard-up Langston panting about how much she "wants" Ford and then see Ford congratulating James about his suave "lines" used on Starr, and then have to watch this show try to garner some sort of sympathy for Inez and Nate by having Nora rip Inez apart in front of her son, well it's enough to make me want to be randomly passed out in a Llanview courtroom with a redhead standing over me for (apparently) several hours thinking I'm dead. (Seriously, they had one major character take another major character's pulse and say she's dead and then not address it at all in the next episode? I....)
Yeah. Destiny out.
Had to come in here and edit this now that the rest of the episode has aired. I would be remiss if I did not provide the juiciest moment of the day. But first, an honorable mention to Tea, whose "Oh...kay, I can do that" after Nora came storming in and told her to butt out of the situation was pretty stellar.
This is not the D.A. she's used to! Nice work, FloLo (can we call her that? I am always so tempted).
And then of course, the main event.
Take that, Inez! Damn that felt good. Wonderful as it was, was anyone else's favorite detail the expression on the face of the court officer? Everyone else was freaking out during and after the slap, and he just looked like he fell in love with his day job at that very moment. He also had a bit of a, "Eh, the bitch deserved it" look, and he and I are therefore kindred spirits.