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« A Non-Event Even Less Eventful Than Usual | Main | Whatever Happened To Predictability? »

January 05, 2011

Note to Bo: When You Forget Everything After the First Beer...

...something fucked up happened. We humans do not black out after one beer. When something that is total common sense has to be told to you by Rex and you still don't even take it into consideration? You're in serious brain power trouble.

Bo

"Eh? Drugged? Nah, Inez is a really, super wonderful woman who apparently seduced me while I was too far-gone to make any sort of reasonable decisions! Just because at the same time this was happening my wife was being held captive by Inez's ex who was sending fake text messages pretending to be Nora telling me to sleep with Inez, that doesn't mean it has anything to do with me sleeping with Inez! Where do you see this connection? I frequently get loaded and forget everything halfway through the first beer!"

You make me crazy, Commissioner! And stop being nice to that horrendous woman -- you seriously think you're not in a "I guess it's time to establish some boundaries" situation yet after breaking your marriage vows and getting kicked out of your home?

Oh, and a note to Cristian: First of all, you are adorable.

Cris

Second of all, passing out naked and sleeping overnight in a bed with a woman you made out with several times the night before (and the woman happens to be a former sexual partner of yours) means that you betrayed your fiancée. Sure, it's not as bad as it would've been had you and Blair gotten it on, but this is not a "free pass" scenario, sir. (Also, a "pillow person??" Nice.)

And note to David: Shut up.

David1

Honestly, One Life to Live is very good at camp, but keep camp where camp is appropriate. Today wasn't anywhere near as bad as David's appearance yesterday (the Have-a-Seat stuff is perfectly campy and fun, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what was expected of me in response to the Moroccan prison business -- if you want us to care, don't play tragedy as a camp-fest), but it just exhausts me to think that he'll be back for a few episodes or a few weeks or even months and once again keep Dorian freakin' Lord in storyline jail.

Note to Ron Carlivati: Hey you! Old friend! Thanks for throwing that bone on Monday and Tuesday. You gave us two full Ford-free episodes to start off 2011! I thank you for that.

Oh yeah, so the Fords were on today and so were their irritating girlfriends and everyone said things that made me cringe and.... who am I kidding, I didn't even see the first twenty minutes because of the special report from Washington, so I shouldn't complain. It's just that when I do get to tune in and have to be subjected to an over-heated hard-up Langston panting about how much she "wants" Ford and then see Ford congratulating James about his suave "lines" used on Starr, and then have to watch this show try to garner some sort of sympathy for Inez and Nate by having Nora rip Inez apart in front of her son, well it's enough to make me want to be randomly passed out in a Llanview courtroom with a redhead standing over me for (apparently) several hours thinking I'm dead. (Seriously, they had one major character take another major character's pulse and say she's dead and then not address it at all in the next episode? I....)

Yeah. Destiny out.

Divider

Had to come in here and edit this now that the rest of the episode has aired. I would be remiss if I did not provide the juiciest moment of the day. But first, an honorable mention to Tea, whose "Oh...kay, I can do that" after Nora came storming in and told her to butt out of the situation was pretty stellar.

Tea

This is not the D.A. she's used to! Nice work, FloLo (can we call her that? I am always so tempted).

And then of course, the main event.

Slap1

Slap2

Postslap

Inez

Take that, Inez! Damn that felt good. Wonderful as it was, was anyone else's favorite detail the expression on the face of the court officer? Everyone else was freaking out during and after the slap, and he just looked like he fell in love with his day job at that very moment. He also had a bit of a, "Eh, the bitch deserved it" look, and he and I are therefore kindred spirits.

Comments

Why is it that soap writers think a story is served with having so many characters rendered stupid? A far better story lies in equal combatants making chess moves and characters making choices that are in line with their history.

This Bo and Nora story, other than the performances, is awful.

Inez and her boys need to go the heck away--Langston can ride shotgun. Awful characters polluting this show.

David? Awful. There was nothing remotely entertaining about his latest too-long return. In addition, the idea that Dorian will be villainized because she refuses to listen to anything this moron has to say is insulting. For a writer who supposedly loves this couple he has done more damage to them along with TW and his constant boring returns. It is about time Dorian get a man who loves her no matter what and fights for her. I hear A Martinez is available. Fire the Fords; hire him. Dorian is way too fun to be languishing on the sidelines. Wake up show!

The only times that I can tolerate Rexx is when he's with Bo, Natalie, Roxy, Viki, Dorian or heck, anyone but Gig.

Bo, Bo, Bo. When Rexx quickly figures out that you've been drugged, then listen to the idiot!

seriously why do u HATE the fords and langston and ford, who by the way are beyond sexy crazy hot? I don't get it. make me understand the hatred u have for them.

gjb, honestly I do feel like in my posts I have worked tirelessly to explain why I hate the Fords and their ladies (so much so that I've tried to shut up about it in the last few posts to avoid becoming a broken record), so I don't know what else to say other than the usual, "bland and generic characters played by bad-to-mediocre actors." That said, I sincerely don't want to "make" you understand because I completely envy you if you enjoy them! I wish I could because they are major players in a show I want to love all the time.

That slap was a delight. Everything about Nora's confrontation with Inezzz was a delight and I must concur with Dayplayer!Bailiff as he looks wistfully off into the distance, as if replaying the slap in his mind while 'Dreamweaver' accompanies it, and holds Nate back from attempting to be ineffectual at Nora.

And Tea basically shutting up and stepping aside? Brilliant. Take that plucky defense lawyer whose afraid of no one. Allegedly.

Bo's stuff with Nora before she got to court was really sweet and made my heart go pitter pat... and then he screwed it all up by defending the passive bint AGAIN when Rex was basically screaming at him that THIS DON'T ADD UP!!

Blair and Cris are adorable and funny but you think they'd both know by now what champagne does to you. Also, Cris being all relieved that he didn't "cheat" on Layla cracks me up. Stupid man. I love their friendship, I certainly don't mind if they go the 'with benefits' route but I prefer their friendship to anything else.

As for the Fords... jettison the lot of them. And have you noticed how much one doesn't miss seeing Todd around either? Alas... all good things...

gjb...it's louise's opinion (one I think she has very eloquently explained over time). No one is required by law to like the Fords (thank goodness).

to all the Ford/Langston haters or just Ford haters, I FEEL YOUR PAIN. What's with the writers and marketers? Are they deaf, blind. Do they seriously think they're creating appealing soap with this repetitive, simplistic, not to mention gross and stupid junk? I want to root for the women when I watch. Langston is just as piggy as Ford at this point. Makes me just hate OLTL which isn't a good thing.

The Fords might be good in moderation- well, James and Bobby might be good in moderation, if they would stop trying to "redeem" Bobby already- but they are NOT shown in moderation. They're on almost every single day and I just can't care about them. Nate and Inez are horrible beyond all belief, and I hate what those boys have done to the previously strong Starr, Langston, and Dani.

The Fudds would only be good in moderation, if, by moderation, that meant we could shrink them - and Langston, and put them under the sink in an old coffee can, only to be seen when old bacon grease is poured on them. They are just as appealing as the bottom of an old frying pan, and with just as much talent.

Langston has become as insulting a character as Robert Fudd is. Being sexual is one thing - what Langston is exhibiting seems more like a fungal infection. Bad taste on display with all of them.

Ford was interesting back when he wasn't on every day and he was just a slimeball. But then they got rid of Markko and now we're supposed to see Ford as some kind of tragic hero? Sorry, but NO.

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