Subtext Is A Funny, Funny Thing
People said a lot of things today on General Hospital. They didn't say them out loud, though; they said them with their eyes. 1
The most obvious--and, it so happens, most awesome--example of a conversation laced with delicious, delicious subtext was Elizabeth and Brook Lynn's exchange about Liz's motivations with regard to Nikolas. They clearly--CLEARLY!--loathe each other, but both spoke in an even, sugary tone of voice with insincere smiles plastered all over their faces. I also enjoyed that they both kept looking over to the door to make sure Nikolas wasn't walking in to see them sweetly sniping at each other. ALTHOUGH, if Nikolas's earlier line is any indication, he probably wouldn't have noticed, like, at all:
Nikolas: I'm sorry, did we schedule some Daddy time and I just somehow tuned it out?
Translation: "Yeah, I never, ever listen when you talk, so..."
Anyway! Back to the aforementioned sweet sniping. Elizabeth paid a visit to Wyndemere with Aiden who is so cute that it is OVERWHELMING. You know how I feel about fat-headed babies (and I have to say again, that is the highest of compliments! I was the fattest-headed baby)! And he has the chubbiest cheeks! And an arsenal of baby eyerolls! But that's to be expected, with Liz as a mother; her literal double take when she walked in and saw Brook Lynn and Nik napping on the couch was hilarious. Nikolas went to go get changed and the claws came out.
Elizabeth: Aiden, Nikolas and I are going to have a family day, so you don't really need to be here.
Translation: "If I have to look at your skanky face for one more second, I am going to contract an STD".
Brook Lynn: You know, just so we understand each other, if were going to play this game, I'm going to make it known that I did not overlook the fact that here you are banging on his door ready to manipulate Nikolas again.
Translation: "I'm opportunistic. As we all know, we can identify our own kind. You and me? We have a lot in common".
Elizabeth: I'm really sorry if you have a problem with it. I would send Aiden over by himself, but he isn't walking yet.
Brook Lynn: That's so funny!
Translation: "I hope you die".
Brook Lynn: I actually get what's going on here. You woke up and realized that you're not getting Lucky back and so that leaves you a single mother of three. Struggling. And then, poof! Off goes the lightbulb. Nikolas is rich and he can take great care of you guys, so here you are. Trying to parlay this Mommy gig into getting him back. It's not going to work.
Translation: "Skank. You know, if you're looking for easy money, I'm sure Carly could think of some extra work for you. You just have to do it on your back".
Brook Lynn: Alfred insisted that he help me make it. It was so cute.
Nikolas: Of course he did. He thinks you are a [Alfred voice] most charming lady.
Translation: "Hey, if Alfred likes her, you should, too, audience! Who would disagree with ALFRED? He is ADORABLE!"
Brook Lynn: Lady? Wow, well I must be faking it good enough for Alfred, so...
Nikolas: You are a lady where it counts.
Translation: "And by that, I mean that you have a vagina. Hey, that's enough for me".
Siobhan: Jason Morgan is suspicious. I can't just back him off by batting my eyelashes. Jason is relentless and smart. He's going to figure it out.
Translation: "Lucky Spencer, bless his heart, is neither of those things. He is never going to figure it out. Probably wouldn't if I flat-out told him, either..."
Diane: Perhaps you will recall, in our last writing session, your vivid description of lock-picking.
Translation: "Diane is hilarious in small doses and the writers--or one of them, anyway. The most depraved one--thinks Spinelli is hilarious in large doses, so huge, campy doses of the two of them together is like a million LOLs in one, right? Right? Right?! LAUGH AT THEM, DAMN IT."
It was like a kick to my heart, it was, when Brenda visited Jax under the pretense of offering condolences on Jerry's "death"/status as the evilest of evil-doers. I mean, I love any and all Brenda and Jax scenes, but it went so quickly from "I'm sorry about your brother" to "I'm in love, and I don't care who knows it! Why aren't you happier for me?!"
Brenda: We're getting married February 18th.
Jax: Wow, that's soon.
Translation: "I wish Sonny was dead".
Brenda: Look, I just owe you a lot and I just wanted you to know that I'll always love you.
Jax: I love you, too. You know that.
Brenda: And I'm happy. Just like you, right? You're really happy too, right?
Translation: "Or as happy as any emasculated sad sack could be married to that shrieking harpy".
Brenda: So I was thinking that maybe you'd want to come to the wedding.
Jax: You know I wish you every happiness. I really do. I just can't come to the wedding.
Brenda, nodding hyperactively: Why not? [Why was she nodding "yes", then?! --Ed.]
Jax: Because, honestly, I believe that sooner than later, you'll realize that you made a bad decision.
Translation: ...that one speaks for itself, I think.
Brenda's complete inability to read a room is, unfortunately, the most consistent trait the writers have given her lately.
Brenda: I get it.
Jason: You do?
Brenda: Of course. You want to find a reason to cancel the wedding because deep in your heart, you don't want me to leave you.
Ethan got beaten up, in a story that I am not interested in AT ALL because he and Maya and his urge to raise money to give to Maya so she won't need to be married (I know!), and Johnny had his favorite physician come take a look at his Australian friend (who, hilariously, wanted nothing to do with her. "Get out of here, then. You're a psycho anyway. You'd probably make things worse!"). He went to the hospital to summon her and it was kind of amusing.
Johnny: I wish Olivia well, and I'm very grateful to Dr. Drake for saving her life, but the only person I have plans with for today is [Lisa]. You're going to have lunch with me, and I'm not going to take no for an answer!
Translation: "I have dirt on your crazy ass, and I'm not above exposing you in public for BEING a crazy ass, so if you don't want that to happen, you're going to do what I say. Let's laugh together in a way that's not at all suspicious and weird!
Brandon Barash and Brianna Brown seem to be having SO much fun with this, though. They did a fantastic job with the feigned smiles and forced levity.
In what could go down as one of the biggest shocks of this new year, Patrick (!) wasn't convinced by Johnny and Lisa's attempt at being twinkly and flirtatious and realized that something was up. Good news, right? The neurosurgeon's showing us some smarts, finally.
Yeah, about that.
Patrick: There was something that didn't ring true between you and Johnny. The more I thought about it, the more I remembered seeing him the night you tried to inject Robin's IV. Turns out that Johnny had an appointment with Dr. Patterson the same evening.
Lisa: There were a lot of people in the hospital that night.
Patrick: They never found the syringe that night. You handed it off to Johnny, didn't you?
You know what's a mistake? Figuring out a crazy person's plot and then INFORMING HER THAT YOU HAVE FIGURED IT OUT, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, PATRICK?! Wait until you have proof first!
1Where is Tyra Banks when you need her? I could use one of her ridiculous made-up words right now, a la "smize".2
2This is the first time in history that anybody has ever wanted Tyra Banks somewhere. 3
3Now I am wondering who is more self-absorbed: Tyra or Sonny Corinthos?