The Recap to End All Recaps
Okay, not really. Mostly I am so excited about Ted King's first air-date this Friday and the fun rerun tomorrow so I can barely concentrate -- no, seriously, that's how cool I am. But I will recap nonetheless and this time I'll keep it clean. Unbiased. Educational. Um, legible?
Cristian's working out at Serenity Springs and Blair approaches him to ask him to take another look at the painting. He notices a logo, and I notice that I should really get to the gym.
Joey is at the hospital, checking out his nephews. Aubrey looks guilty, and Joey (genius that he is) surmises that she's still upset about mean old Kelly. Mean old Kelly, meanwhile, is chatting up Cutter, who tells her he knows what's up because she said "Cutter 'Wentworth'" with "Wentworth" in air-quotes. (I am kind of digging Josh Kelly's delivery here. They may be onto something with this fella.) Kelly explains that she put it in air-quotes because she believes Aubrey to be his "lovah," which she pronounces in the awesome way Rachel Dratch and Will Ferrell used to in those SNL sketches where they played pretentious professors who shared way too much about their lovemaking to random strangers.
Clint's at the Buke stables. Echo shows up and sort of half-quotes The Music Man ("trouble with a capital T and that rhymes with D and that stands for Dorian"), except when it doesn't rhyme it makes Echo a lot less cool than Harold Hill, thank you very much.
Dorian in a serious red jacket wonders aloud how to prove that Rex is really Clint's son.
Langston and Ford .....oh. Langston and Ford. Crap. He tells her Nate was covering for Inez.
Back we go to the courthouse, where Inez is explaining that she and Bo didn't really get it on, which Bo reacts to far too calmly. He better step it up a notch after the credits.
Langston and Ford are.... oh. It's them again. Ford points out (astutely) that Inez abandoned two of her children to a violent and abusive father, so "who knows what she's capable of."
Inez 'fesses up that she drugged Bo, and Bo and Nora somehow manage not to punch her across the face. Inez says all of his with no facial expressions, because it's totally not a big deal. Bo doesn't seem very angry.
Langston and Ford are... seriously? Jesus. Dorian seems to know there's some connection between Aubrey and Ford.
Joey and Aubrey behave in a sugary and dull manner in a hospital corridor.
Cutter and Kelly circle each other in towels. Cutter needs to wear his towel a little lower. Just sayin'.
Langston and Ford are -- SWEET MERCY. AGAIN? So Dorian tells Langston that she saw Ford and Aubrey together and they were all over each other.
Clint complains about Rex to Echo, who explains that Charlie adores Rex and Shane, to which Clint says, "Well, good, Charlie wanted a son; I gave him one!" Oh, Clint. Clint Clint Clint Clint. Ouch.
Bo tells Nora he believes Inez and they share a sweet smile. Okay, good, but BITCH SLIPPED YOU A ROOFIE, BO! TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS!
Cris explains to Blair that the watermark indicates that the painting is an original.
Bo and Nora embrace. Nora tells Bo to arrest Inez, and he has the all-out mothertrucking nerve to look taken aback.
Echo wants to know what happened to Clint to turn him this nasty.
Inez blathers about how she didn't kill Eddie. She says that SHE HAD NO CHOICE but to attempt to date rape Bo. OH YOU TEDIOUS HEADACHE OF A WOMAN, YOU HAD A CHOICE.
Clint points out that Echo's living in a bit of a glass house as far as judging his morals is concerned.
Langston and Ford. Langston makes a few smug faces as Ford explains that he and Aubrey are old friends.
Joey/Aubrey/Kelly/Cutter: more of the same. Joey's suspicious of Cutter, Cutter tells Kelly she's pathetic (but we like it when she's pathetic, Cutter!). It dawns on Joey that he doesn't really know that much about Aubrey. Quick, somebody call Mensa!
Cris and Blair are doing what I assume is some Llanett.com research on the painting.
Cutter tells Kelly she's hot and shouldn't be so desperate and kisses her. Aubrey blathers about the intensity of her connection to Joey.
Ford explains about meeting Aubrey and how she talked about the intensity of her connection to Ford right after they met. We cut back to the same scene between Aubrey and Joey in case we viewers didn't catch the parallel (or, more likely, to make us feel brilliant for having already done so).
Echo admits that she's not such a paragon of virtue but she feels bad that she's lying to Charlie. Clint looks all twisted up inside in the awesome, stoic Jerry ver Dorn way. Echo tells Clint she's falling for Charlie and that she hates herself for it. Okay, yeah, ver Dorn is playing the crap outta this scene with not a single word.
Courtroom. They are doing what I dreaded and that is hurling false accusations at Inez to somehow make her look better because she actually is innocent of conspiring with Eddie. Can't we get what we want and see them focus on the confirmed crimes that she did commit?! I feel a rage episode coming on. She's going to get away with this completely, isn't she?
Clint tells Echo things started to fall apart when Asa died.
Inez explains what Clint did. See how hard that was? NOT HARD. Good grief that woman's an idiot and completely unsympathetic in every way. But of course Bo and Nora don't believe her, because why should they? Seems you should fill someone in on these things before you try to rape them.
Clint tells Echo he's basically gotten to "be" Asa.
Ford tells a dull story about how Aubrey dropped him after learning that he wasn't a famous filmmaker (but apparently he's successful enough to teach film at a renowned university without even a Master's degree unless he miraculously earned it last spring so... okay).
Kelly scolds Cutter for kissing her and he tells her she should take a good look at him, and he tosses his towel to the side. You know, off-camera.
Bo and Nora start to believe Inez's story. Naturally they are very curious about Clint's involvement but they're still managing to not rip this woman's face off, so I'm confused. They start piecing together the events in a way that adds up to Clint's guilt. Bo places Inez under arrest THANK THE LORD. Inez acts all wounded, as if what she did wasn't illegal. Bo and Nora kiss and Bo goes off to see Clint. Shit's goin' down, y'all. Nora turns around and gives a spectacular death glare to Inez.
Echo tells Clint it's still possible to be the man he used to be. This is definitely getting to him.
Kelly comes home and Dorian tells her she should get some information on Aubrey from Ford. Joey tells Aubrey not to worry about what Clint or Kelly think of her. Cutter walks in on their sweet nothings and somehow feels threatened by all the vanilla in the room.
Cris and Blair learned that the painting's artist is in Paris and they make plans to head to France so she can check things out and he can see what's up with Layla.
Cutter tries to make Aubrey jealous by mentioning the hot chick at the gym.
Ford tells Kelly about Aubrey and she shows him the magazine photo and asks if he recognizes Cutter. He does.
Clint's looking at himself in the mirror. Oh. There's Bo in the mirror, too. OH YES. HERE WE GO. (How much do I love that this is happening at the Buchanan stables?!)
Nora asks Inez if it had ever occurred to her to come to Nora and Bo with all this, and Inez said it did and has absolutely no good explanation at all for why she didn't because there isn't a good reason and she is just a dreary, boring jellyfish of a woman.
Bo pulls a gun on Clint OH MY GOD IS IT TOMORROW YET IS IT TOMORROW?!
Crap. Rerun tomorrow! Well... is it Thursday yet? I just got chills.