Notes On Seventh Grade Scandals
No, wait, I take that back; describing the witless scheming we saw on today's episode of General Hospital as "seventh grade" is really selling a generation of middle school mischief makers short. They'd take one look at Lisa's half-baked plan to break Robin and Patrick up some more and Brook Lynn and Elizabeth's battle to out desperate the other, scoff and then bombard the GH writers with cruel texts designed to make them cry and/or quit their jobs*.
Lisa Niles has gone from being...well, she's gone from being a drip to a stalker to a criminal mastermind to a lovesick weirdo rehashing plans that failed the first place, and now she is choreographing awkward run-ins while blatantly lurking in the shadows. Seriously: she charms Terrell into going to the MetroCourt, bribes a hapless employee for his room number, had said hapless employee give Robin (who was looking for Patrick in order to go over a patient's chart with him, which...was that part of Lisa's plot as well, or just a happy coincidence?) Terrell's room number and then had said hapless employee send Patrick to that very room so that he might stumble upon the sight we saw at the end of the episode--Terrell opening the door in just a towel and then sharing uncomfortable laughter with Robin. Wow, good for you, Lisa, you've seen Three's Company.
Then. Then! Brook Lynn and a profoundly disinterested Nikolas (seriously. As I mentioned elsewhere, Tyler Christopher's lack of interest in this show is so blatant that he may as well pull a Stanley Hudson and just start doing crossword puzzles during his scenes) were at Jake's when Elizabeth and Steven walked in. When Steve went to chat up Olivia, Elizabeth took the opportunity to crash the party, leading Brook Lynn to mark her territory. By getting up and singing. WHAT? I know, it was horrendous and I felt profound embarrassment for all involved (not just because of the singing. MOSTLY because of the singing because holy moly, but also because this war of the words is over NIKOLAS. Who lost his last redeeming quality sometime in late 1998! You could both do better! Yes, Brook, even you! Not much better, but a little better).
I don't know how much longer I can sit through these juvenile and simultaneously DULLER THAN VERY DULL, DULL THINGS stories; I am sorely tempted to wish for Brenda and Sonny's wedding to hurry up and get here, but considering this crop of writers, I know I will wind up regretting that in a big big way.
*Note to self: hire a middle school intern.