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« "O" My Goodness: Legendary Soap Stars Reunite | Main | Keeping It In The Family »

February 12, 2011

Rylee Part 987: The Sickening

While it goes without saying that the Ryan/Greenlee pairing and the breathless lead-up to another one of their weddings doomed to fail is offensive and lame and, I'm sure, responsible for a large spike in the number of viewers self-medicating in the mid-afternoon, the last few minutes of Thursday's All My Children were exceedingly soapy.

You have Madison retrieving her lost cell phone from Emma who, it needs to be said, is too cute for words and just begging to be squeezed

--Adorableness, right?

She and Spike deserve better, paternally speaking--

and suddenly doubling over in pain which, surprisingly, doesn't escape the notice of Ryan; I would have thought that his obliviousness would have ruled that out, but it seems like his hero complex is even more powerful.

Then you have Ryan trying to get Mads to tell him what's wrong, before Greenlee enters with two words: "She's pregnant".

And Ryan is like "Say what?"

And I, for one, was delighted (and not just because it will delay the ceremony legally uniting the smug and the douchey. Although now that I think about it, I am conflicted: would I rather these two just put us out of our misery and get married now, or deal with the fallout of Greenlee keeping Madison's secret, which will make Ryan angry--and we are all so impressed by Cameron Mathison's arsenal of angry faces--and force us to sit through weeks or, god forbid, months of the two of them working their way back to each other? Is death an option?). Something entertaining happening at Ryan and Greenlee's wedding--this is truly the plot twist we never saw coming.

Now that I've gotten that shockingly out of character positivity out of my system, let's move on to the grossness.

Greenlee: Ok. I've got to admit I'm getting kind of excited now. Have you written your vows yet?
Ryan: No. I am a man of action. You know? Uh-huh. Acciones.
Greenlee: Mm-hmm. You better get on it because I'm expecting nothing less than Shakespearean poetry.
Ryan: Wow. That's a lot of pressure. Yes, ma'am.
Greenlee: You know you can't spend the night.
Ryan: I know. I know. I wouldn't tempt the gods after everything we've been through. Parting is such sweet sorrow.


1. Gross.

2. What, exactly, have Ryan and Greenlee been through? Okay, so there was the time she fell over a cliff and then hated him for a while when she came back from the dead, but other than that?

3. Please don't bring Shakespeare into this.

4. Don't they know that Romeo and Juliet ends in a double suicide? The writers could either be showing their complete ineptitude and staggering lack of reading comprehension OR...they could be giving us some mighty impressive foreshadowing, but I feel that may just be too much to hope for. 

That was merely the tip of the disgusting iceberg.

As Wednesday's episode ended, viewers were treated to a Ryan Lavery voiceover, which fittingly related to the stories other characters are tangled in (what does it say about Rylee that Ryan's thoughts on their great love easily apply to Crazy Annie and JR as well?). Did you know that voiceovers can be douchey? They can.

Ryan's Voice: This has been a year of so many changes, the highest highs, but also the greatest loss: Zach, our friend. I'm hoping our wedding will offer a chance to help heal some of that pain, but I know it won't be easy. It's not easy when you have two strong, stubborn people trying to make a life together.

Probably not the two words I would have used, but then again Ryan's never been good at self-awareness.

You always want to handle things on your own, not drag anyone else into it, until you discover that you're always strongest when you fight together.

...you drag EVERYONE into EVERYTHING you do!

There is nothing more powerful in the world than hope.  The belief that no matter how many times you fail, this time things will be perfect. And even if they can't be perfect, even if we do lose our way, we take responsibility--

Did I miss the episode when that happened?

--and we do what we can to fix it. Sometimes your future can hit you over the head when you least expect it, so you better be ready to act or you might lose out.  And sometimes that future is filled with a lot of bumps along the road, but if you know which way you're headed, you can always find your way...But the true test, the one we face over and over again, is no matter how many times you get knocked down you get back up again.  That has been our strength. It has gotten us through the worst and will get us through the rest no matter what. What did you used to tell me? "God laughs at those who make plans."  Well, we didn't plan any of this, yet here we are at least, on the verge of happily ever after.

Gross as it may be, I have to admit that it does so perfectly encapsulate Rylee: cloying, cliched phrases about love delivered in a smug tone by someone completely unaware of the horrors he and his beloved leave in their wake.

Then there was the "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue" bit between Greenlee and Amanda, who brought all of these items on Kendall's behalf.

OLD: they didn't actually need something old, because this go-round of Rylee fits the bill, but Kendall sent over the first lipstick she and Greens made.

NEW: Moonstones from Ryan.

BORROWED: Earrings Zach gave Kendall (I have no words. Only curse words)

BLUE: a gumball from Spike, who is the only person in town to realize what a damn farce this pairing is.

Also, I so rarely understand Greenlee's wardrobe, but her wedding dress might just take the proverbial cake. I am all about unconventional wedding dresses and if she wore a white puffy cupcake gown, I'd mock her mercilessly for it, but the dress she chose was so...ugly.



I couldn't get a really good screencap of it, because the camera crew was as appalled as I was and could only stand to linger on it for a second, but there were tiers. And beading. And the color was so dreadful! "What's the one color Rebecca Budig would look horrible in? Let's put her in that, yeah? Oh, I know, put her in SATINY THAT!"

Did anything else happen the past few days in Pine Valley? I feel like something must have, because if it was all Rylee all the time I probably would have, literally, gotten sick, but...nothing really sticks out in my mind. Well, there was JR finally realizing what he did to break Annie. And Annie once again broke Marissa's head by knocking her out, which is always good for a giggle. And Bianca talked about Reese a lot, which hopefully indicates that that ridiculousness is going to be over for real. But it really seemed like it was mostly Rylee, so it was mostly icky.


I don't watch AMC, but the title of this post is awesome!

Wow, I haven't watched AMC in years and thanks for reminding me why. Rylee? Yuck. The couple is horrible.

If the rumors are true that AMC is on its last legs due to money issues then it wouldn't surprise me in the least that Rylee ends up on GH which would mean one of the reasons why GH fired RH.

I think Jess's wedding dress on OLTL was uglier. At least this one is all one style from top to bottom. Jessica's was a hot mess. Looked like her 5-year-old designed it.

I hate ryan lavery the douchest of douches. He does not have the right to say "ZACH" and "FRIEND" ever ever ever!!!!!!!!!. Look at everything he has done to ZACH AND KENDALL. If I wrote it all down there would be not be enough space for anyone else to write there comments. Kendall(it is so OFFENSIVE that she must always kiss there behind ) let the smug one borrow the earrings that her Zach gave her!!!!! Holy Sweet Hell I wanted to throw a chair at the television!! Please make these two go away. (over a cliff would be nice)

That's what I was going to say? Ryan calling Zach a friend. Well I can remember a few times that Zach was a friend to Ryan...though he didn't deserve it..but Ryan a friend to Zach? When would that be? When he was sleeping with his wife and stealing his casino? When he removed Spike from Zach for Spike's own good? When he asked Zach to support Greenlee..right before Greenlee kidnapped Spike and almost killed him? I can't even type the words Ryan=Friend to Zach without gagging.

And yes..earrings for Greenlee that Zach had given Kendall. I have NO words. Well i do but I am too polite to print them.

Here's something sadder than all this - I only watch these days, hoping for some small mention of my Zach & what do I get for my trouble?? Douchey presenting Smug with the very earrings that my Zach gave to his beloved Kendall! GADS!!! Oh well, my bad, as they say - I shoulda known better.

Thank you Kathy S for reminding us of some of the things this douchelord has done. The funny (As in so sad that I want to take heroin.) part is that this is from the past couple of years.

There is also the fact that Ryan hero worshipped ACS (Alexander Cambias Sr.-Zach's father) and that everyone thought that was great. They hated Michael and Zach for being Michael's brother. They didn't hate ACS or Ryan for liking ACS? Yes I'm still pissed about something that happened 6-7 years ago.

Along with that is the fact that after poor whittle Ryan was shot and it ended up that it was his brother: NO ONE CARED. It was bad when it could of been Ethan or Ryan. It's okay that it was Jonathan? There was never an apology ever to Ethan and Zach. In fact it was business as usual for the whole town.

Then there's also the fact that while they hated Zach for being Michael's brother they didn't hate Ryan for being Braden Lavery's brother. (Except Jack who was chastised for doing so.)

Lastly Ryan egged on Ethan to hate Zach. He talked up ACS as a hero and loved that ACS respected him. Yet no one thought that wrong. Even when he started killing off people. No one ever asked Ryan what he thought of his hero. Never!

That is why I hate Ryan Lavery and will never accept the current propaganda that they were friends and only went through a couple of small scuffles. That's like saying that Victor Newman and Jack Abbott's relationship on Y&R is truly misunderstood and that they never really hated each other.

I would like one person to give me one example of Ryan being a friend to Zach. Just ONE!! But I can list a few ways that Zach was a friend to Ryan. I won't bother listing them . . . AMC doesn't care.

I did tear up at the mention of Zach, but not because of Ryan's words, but just seeing "loss" and "Zach" in the same sentence makes me cry . . . to this day.

Mallory, thank you for letting me know that I am not missing a damn thing on this mess of a show. Not that I really needed reminding . . . w/o Zach . . . there is not show!!

dress = hideous!

AMC = hideous

I've always hated couple names but have called Ryan and Greenlee "Gryan". It reminds me of a name of a hairy beady eyed troll which fits perfectly, huh?

AMC has some of the worst writers on daytime.The Shakespeare references/Romeo and Juliet comparisons are so obnoxious and cheesy.

Zach wasn't Ryass's friend. But he was mine. And all this crappy writing isn't going to make me forget what the show did to him and to a lot of people who loved him. Some mistakes can't be ignored. They must be dealt with. Evidently AMC has no real idea of how to do that. Fools.
Kendall returning to her place as the Rylee butt-licker, lending Greens earrings Zach gave her made me sick. Just saying.
What a terrible mistake I made, watching this episode. What was I thinking? Yes, AMC lost Zach. And then they lost me. I'm sorry your column exists predictated on your watching this crapfest, Mallory. You are braver than I.

I know I'm a lonely voice in the wilderness, but I actually liked everything this week that wasn't Rylee related. I loved the whole 'let's operate on Kendall in an ambulance!' story, and I loved that she saw Zach and Griffin was at first ecstatic because he thought she loved him, and I liked Jake and Cara, and crazy Annie was hella entertaining, and watching JR actually behave like an adult was awesome.

And Thursday, Spike blinding Jake with the flash was extra hilarious.

And David was awesome with the Kanes.

Jack was a douche, though. So it's a good thing it looks like he's going to be the only guest at the Smuggerson wedding.

I keep repeating, it's no coincidence that ratings on AMC started to tank when Rebecca Budig came back and Rylee became the center of the show. Add to that, the loss of Thorsten Kaye and Alicia Minshew out on maternity leave for months AND the loss of David Canary. As long as Budig and Mathison are kept front and center, AMC will continue to die on the vine.

Is it just me or are other people constantly on the look out for cliffs for one or both of these people to fall off. I just need a break from the ickiness!

I miss my AMC--it was a great show-- Loved the Martins' and Tyler's. Loved the storylines-can't watch now-- too depressing thanks for reminding of that!

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