So Many Depressing Things
In the days after a snowstorm (another snowstorm and at least one full day of being snowed in!), all people talk about is the weather: how much snow there was, when the next snowstorm will be and what we did on our day(s) off. I am panicking about this last one.
Because what I did yesterday was read and watch TV which, yes, is generally an ideal way to spend a lazy afternoon, but what happens if they press me? What if they ask what I read and watched? I can't answer them honestly, because what I read was Hush, the gut-wrenching story about the death of a child who had been molested by her brother and what I watched was General Hospital, which showcased Michael's confession that Carter raped him in prison. If that one-two punch of disturbing and depressing doesn't get my name passed along to a criminal profiler, I don't know what will!
IN MY DEFENSE, both things were really well done: Hush is just masterfully written and Michael's big moment brought us some genius work from Chad Duell, Laura Wright and Steve Burton (not a typo!).
I have a lot of problems with the way General Hospital chose to let this story unfold, dragging it out ambiguously for so long so that they could pull the "What? No, that didn't even happen a little. My goodness, you people jump to the worst case scenario!" card in case there was viewer backlash or network trepidation and I am disappointed and angry that they didn't bring Elizabeth into this story and I am irked that Jason's pain is as much a focus of these scenes as Michael's, but I have never had a problem with the acting. Chad Duell handled the initial fallout remarkably well and I had faith that he'd do the same if/when the truth came out. And, oh, did he ever. When the Emmys roll around, his biggest problem is going to be deciding exactly what to submit for his reel. And also hoping that I am no longer an Emmy jinx. Remember how I spent months shouting "They might as well engrave Drew Garrett's name on the Emmy right now?" and then he lost and also got fired? Yeah.
While Jason and Michael's conversation was really well done (and I have to say again that Steve Burton did a great job. When Jason teared up, I...well, I actually didn't tear up, but I did see why other people would!) (How sad is it that an actor doing, you know, his job is cause for celebration?), Michael's confession to Carly had me completely gutted. It was fantastic.
Jason: Abby was attacked tonight and Michael stopped the guy. Abby's in the hospital, but Michael's really worried about her.
Carly: Oh, god, is she okay? How badly was she hurt?
Michael: She's pretty beat up.
Carly: Oh, Michael.
Michael: She said she wasn't raped, but, uh, she might be covering, you know? Trying to pretend it didn't happen, not telling anybody, hoping that it would just go away. That's what I did, Mom. I didn't want anybody to know this, but when I was in prison....I was raped.
They rocked it: Carly's worry as Michael struggled and faltered to find the right words to use, and then the way she swallowed him in an enormous hug? I got goosebumps.
(Do you know how valiantly I am struggling not to make a "Laura's got the Wright stuff" joke?! VALIANTLY)
The rest of the show was...also dark and depressing, in a variety of ways.
I am just going to put this out there, with my usual "I think that Vanessa Marcil Giovinazzo and no, I will never get used to typing that last name, is a goddess and I spent a lot of my middle and high school years obsessed with Brenda and Bob Guza may ruin my dreams, but he can never take away my pleasant Port Charles memories" disclaimer: everything about Brenda telling Dante what happened to HER BABY was almost laughably bad.
Firstly, VMG and Dominic Zamprogna have absolutely no chemistry together, romantic or platonic, and it was bizarre to see Brenda pouring her heart out to Dante while he remained...I guess it was supposed to be stoic, but it seemed unengaged and like they were in completely different scenes.
Secondly, I am not going to tiptoe around it: VMG was awful. For most of the "big" "reveal", she seemed completely disinterested which I guess is fair, because we are ALL disinterested in it, but then she seemed to remember "Oh, right, this is supposed to be a BIG MOMENT" and threw in some gaspy sobs, and the overall effect made me seriously uncomfortable.
And also, how sure are we that THE BABY (and, I should note, Brenda referred to him as "her" baby, not "our" baby, so Carly's jumping to a gross conclusion is going to blow up in her face and I am going to giggle) is actually dead? It's possible, sure, but something about how Brenda noted that Suzanne knew about the pregnancy and was there when Brenda lost the baby made me raise an eyebrow. Although maybe my eyebrow raised because I forgot who Suzanne was! When I realized that they meant Adrienne Barbeau, I--well, I wasn't interested, exactly, but I did wonder if there is some super sinister agenda there.
The awkwardness between Dante and Brenda did lead to a genuinely sweet and funny moment, after Lulu walked in on Dante comforting the great love of his life and went home to rant to Maxie.
Lulu: I went all the way over to Dante's place and guess who got there first? Brenda.
Maxie: I was gonna guess that.
Lulu: Guess what they were doing? Holding each other.
Maxie: I wasn't going to guess that.
Lulu: She was, like, in his arms and in his neck.
Maxie: Were they naked? Was it foreplay, like you should have knocked first?
Lulu: No, they were clothed. But so what?
Maxie: Were they...horizontal?
Maxie: Were they groping each other? Was there anything inappropriate?
Lulu: It was a very meaningful and important embrace.
Maxie: Did they look like they were having fun?
Lulu: No, they looked miserable.
I love when people on this show are allowed to have sweet and funny friendships! And I love how Maxie had all of these possible scenarios in her head. I also love that Maxie's hair is approaching the vicinity o cute!
After that brief detour into the world of cuteness, let's go back to DREAD and HORROR and HEARTBREAK.
Brenda went to talk to Jax, and learned that he and Carly split up (Yes, AGAIN. Read on for more about that particular rehash of a rehashed rehash) and--well, first, Brenda got a couple of quality digs in.
Brenda: Look, I realize that this woman's your wife, but she's crazy and selfish and its not like I needed help changing a tire. There's actually a real threat to my life and you could do something to help and, by the way, I didn't know I was supposed to hide it.
Jax: Carly kicked me out. She said our marriage was over, so I'm living back in the hotel.
Brenda: Why, because of this?
Jax: Because of this.
Brenda: I'm sorry. I just lied. I'm not sorry. I'm not sorry that you're free of that woman. It's just my honest opinion.
Then things all went to hell.
Jax: Why are you marrying him? You know he's only going to bring you misery, right?
Brenda: Oh, right and you made me so happy. Look, just because your marriage is over, don't be vindictive towards me.
Jax: You know, sometimes love just isn't enough.
Brenda: But Sonny and I aren't you and Carly.
Jax: It's not just the pain you and Sonny caused each other, you know. It's the pain you caused others. It's Lily lying in St. Andrews cemetery. It's your nervous breakdown. It's all the people who've made sacrifices to help you, Brenda, and all the women who risk their lives and their sanity to try to help Sonny and now youre running back into each other's arms and ignoring all that and I'm just afraid it's all going to catch up to you in the end.
This era of General Hospital ruins, literally, everything that it touches but for some reason it hurts even more when it ruins Jax and Brenda.
So, as I mentioned before, Jax and Carly are once again "over" "for good". WHAT THE HELL? Even taking into account the extreme laziness and aversion to creativity these writers have exhibited for years, the frequency with which they go back to this well is a little much. And I say this as a person who always looks forward to seeing Laura Wright yell about things! But come on! Either keep them together or break them up for real and pair them with other people. My patience with their cycle of screaming matches/tears/makeup sex/short-lived happiness is...okay, I don't HAVE any patience with that cycle. We go through this once a month.
Jax: I'm expected to forgive you every time you feel like sleeping with Sonny, but I lie to help a friend and that's a dealbreaker?
Carly: You didn't forgive me. You throw it up in my face every time we get in a fight. I sleep with Sonny and that entitles you to lie about anything, any time you feel like.
"Uh, yeah, it does, Carly. Because it's fucking disgusting."
Jax: Diane probably has a drawer full of divorce papers that we never signed so let's not put the kids--no, let's not put ourselves through this again.
Let me paraphrase the rest of their fight.
Carly: I can't be married to you, Jax. You're a liar. And a cheat. And if you were honest, you'd admit that you don't want to be with me, either.
Jax: Don't tell me what I want.
Carly: Don't tell me not to tell you what you want! We all know what you want!
Jax: A conversation with someone who uses an indoor voice?
Jax: Someone to ask me how MY day was when I come home from work?
Carly: YOU WANT BRENDA, JAX. BRENDA! Nobody knows WHY you want Brenda, because she's a selfish mess of a human being. She's a moron, Jax. And I bet she has STDs. A lot of them. She lived in Rome, for god's sake. But you're all, "Oh, I don't mind. Here, Brenda, let me pop open a vein so you can have my blood! I'll do anything for you!"
Jax: Actually I--
Carly: Don't interrupt me!
Jax: I...thought you were done talking.
Carly: I'M NEVER DONE TALKING.
Jax: No shit. Look, Carly, you want out? Fine. But you're the one leaving, not me.
Carly: Oh, wow. That's great, you attack me and you choose Brenda over me and then you steal the line I wanted to throw at you at the end of this argument? Wow.
Jax: Carly, this is serious. This is about our children.
Carly: Um, screw our children, okay? SCREW THEM. This is about ME. And how as soon as Brenda came WHORING INTO TOWN, you were all, "Oh, I just need to find a reason to leave my devoted, caring wife so I can be with that little dwarfy twit and not feel bad about busting up my marriage".
Jax: Carly, there are lots of reasons for me to do that, such as "everything you have ever done, ever".
Carly: Whatever. You're going to run back to her and ask her to choose between you and Sonny and I don't now who she'll choose, and I don't even care, except I do, and I hope she chooses Sonny just because it will make you cry.
Jax: I am not going to run to Brenda.
Carly: Okay, fine, then die in a pit, alone. See what I care.
How many times have we heard that conversation?!
There was some tragic fallout today, though, as poor Morgan had to ask Jax what the hell is going to happen now. In doing so, he proved just how much he knows his mother.
Morgan: Did Mommy cheat on you?
Morgan: Did you cheat on her? Because you know how jealous she gets.
Their conversation did have a silver lining, though, aside from the adorability that comes with all Jax/Morgan scenes: Jax promised to take Morgan and Joss sailing this summer and I got my hopes up for some scenes of fat-headed Joss wearing a sailor suit and/or a life preserver! Fingers crossed!