So Much Dumbassedness
Abby's gold is made of purer gold than all the other gold in the world, and certainly purer gold than can be found in the heart of any other stripper/not-a-hooker; the show has made that abundantly clear. And today it drove home the point that her brain is made of nothing.
Michael: How was the interview?
Abby: Ugh, the job would be perfect for me! They need a legal secretary, but they love the idea that I'm studying to be a paralegal. They even suggested paying for some of my tuition.
Michael: Yeah? That's great!
Abby: It was, until they asked me about the gap in my resume. And then I told them that I worked as a stripper. They couldn't get me out of there fast enough.
I'm trying to think of excuses Abby could have made for her resume gap and my hand is cramping from trying to type all of them, but there are a few: couldn't find a job because of the bad economy; I traveled the world trying to find myself and also worked with lepers; I took a year off from work to follow Jason Morgan around Port Charles with a blissful, worshiping gaze on my face. If she had used that last one, she would have gotten hired on the spot!
Considering how much actual, you know, story the show leaves on the cutting room floor, I can't help but think this conversation was included for a specific reason, and I am thinking it's to tell the audience, "See, it's okay that this grown woman wants to date a damaged teenager, because she's not your typical grown woman. She is fucking stupid".
She has competition, though.
Lisa: Tell one more lie about me, Maxie. Go ahead, I'll make sure you'll regret it.
Maxie: I'm not afraid of you.
Lisa: Maybe you should be.
Maxie: Why? You're going to blow me up in some beaker or try to shoot me up with something like you did to Robin?
Lisa: I never tried to hurt Robin.
Maxie: She's crazy and she's lying.
Johnny: Take it easy.
Lisa: You know what? You're embarrassing yourself, Maxie. So maybe you should go sit down.
Maxie: So? You're a pathetic bitch.
I know it's totally a soap thing to do something horrible (or lots of horrible somethings) and then act aghast and victimized when people accuse you of doing that exact horrible something, but is she kidding? What is Maxie lying about? Delusional cow.
Hopefully, Lisa's completely ill-advised decision to poke Maxie's crazy (it's a good kind of crazy! And she's being protective of her cousin, but she's crazy all the same. Look at how her crazy mind works--she spends three minutes with Johnny and she all of a sudden psychically guesses Lisa's plan?) is going to signal some movement in this story. Movement that will see Lisa being ushered out of town, preferably.
But these moments of unmitigated dumb didn't put a damper on the rest of the show. When the episode ended with Sam seeing The Balkan in her rear-view mirror? I almost started a slow clap at how ridiculous and ripped out of a horror movie it was.
And! I never expected to be typing these words in this order, especially considering that I was burnt out on this particular story back in January, but: Sonny and Brenda's wedding has seriously charmed me. I know! What has happened to me?! An elaborate wedding that, yes, has been dragged out and saw my preferred Brenda paramour sitting like a sad panda all by his lonesome and was nearly ruined by Carly, who faced absolutely zero repercussions for being a mean-spirited harridan (I say that with love) and should have at the very least been on the receiving end of one of Lulu's punches (she punched Dante in the face. It was awesome), but I found myself almost totally entertained by all of it; entertained enough to give it a post of its own at the end of the week.
So I'm actually GRATEFUL for the aforementioned stupidity, because it reminds me of what show I'm watching. "Oh, right, this is GH with its ridiculous, lazy writing. All is right with the world after all".