Why Can't We Have Nice Things?
Why, All My Children? WHY? Why, when I like something, do you fall all over yourselves to set that something on fire? You never move that quickly when it comes to storyline progression, but hurting my feelings turns you into Olympic level sprinters.
Recently, I said these three words: "Rev. Ricky? J'adore!" .
Then, mere weeks later, EVIL HAPPENS*.
Ricky, on the phone with a partner in nefariousness: What the hell was that? I've spent months trying to get Kendall to trust me and let her guard down and now the amateurs just bust in and toss her house? I don't want excuses! Now you listen to me. Kendall Slater is a smart woman. She's already asking questions. Now, if I'm going to find what we're looking for, I'm going to need her to keep thinking of me as her friendly neighborhood minister and not the man who killed her husband.
I know we're all asking ourselves the same question and that question is "What the crikey fuck is going on right now?", but let's put that one on the backburner and ask another, equally important question: if you're concerned about protecting your newly created identity and keeping your crimes a secret, why do you have a conversation about both of these things in the middle of a hospital hallway?
But UGH. Why did Ricky have to be involved in Zach's death? It's like Donna Swajeski said "I think this storyline needs to go in a completely implausible direction" and David Kreizman said, "But I had been hoping we could just make it completely uninteresting!" and then, in unison, they said, "We should totally make Rev. Ricky a killer!" I bet they even high-fived, either oblivious to (or all too aware of) how obnoxious this "plot twist" really is.
Now, we have another item to add to our rapidly-growing "Kendall Hart Slater Seriously Has The Worst Life Ever. Seriously. Seriously" list and we can anticipate another melodramatic promo once Kendall learns the truth! Have you caught the latest promo, which gleefully spoiled Ricky's true intentions?
Gravelly-Voiced Promo Man kind of half-assed it, no? He's usually much better at making mundane situations sound, you know...interesting. But I guess I can see where he was coming from. "ANOTHER commercial about Kendall's unspeakable tragedies and near-death experiences? I do one of these every week! And how the hell am I going to say "As she recovers, she uncovers a murder" without sounding like a total schmuck? Screw this show."
*So obviously I am not going to spend even a second talking about how freaking cute Scott and Madison are together, because if I do that--if I mention the goofy way I smiled at this exchange:
Scott: How do you feel about telling the world that you made a baby with a guy who just got out of prison?
Madison: And a one night stand at that!
Scott: What are you talking about? It's not a one night stand. I asked you out again.
Scott: Right now. Would you like to go out with your baby daddy?
The writers will turn one or both of these characters into a serial killer and the other into a cannibal. So I am just keeping my mouth shut.