So...Wendy Williams. "Access Llanview." That happened today. So she guest-starred as the host of a tabloid TV show that served as a framing device for today's episode of One Life to Live, for... I have no idea what purpose. She didn't interact with any of the characters; she just offered up some exposition, but I didn't realize that today was a Very Special Episode for people who haven't watched in six months. I'm all for new viewers but this was just bizarre. And most importantly, where was Charlie Sheen? I thought he was going on all the talk shows from now on.
Well, if I got to host a show about Llanview, here's what I'd have to say to the three viewers:
Before Rex finally told the truth to Bo about where David is, Bo went all Clint on Rex about how David was such a traitor to his family, so they no longer care about him, which... doesn't that seem a bit at odds with his expectation that Clint should forgive him for getting involved with his wife? And should totally accept Rex as his son, despite Rex having tried to con the family in the past? Pick a philosophy, Bukes!
After Rex finally told the truth to Bo about where David is, Rex made some pathetic argument about how he put his own family ahead of Bo's. His living-rent-free girlfriend's tuition -- that's what he put ahead of Bo's family. It's not as if Rex's family's lives were at stake -- but Bo's son's life was and is at stake. I wish Rex had just stated it like is. He put Gigi's college tuition ahead of the life and freedom of Bo's son.
Thankfully, Bo did not let it go. Today anyway.
So now what is Cutter up to? Is he just offering up someone for Dorian to talk to in order to win points with Kelly? Because I have bad news for him about what Kelly's been up to. Maybe he's the smartest man in town and will realize Dorian is basically the most awesome single chick in town and fall madly in love with her and pull a "Sorry, Sis!" when he lands not only the spectacular Dorian but a load of cash as well. Oh, wait. Just kidding. I imagine we're all gearing up for another tedious round of Dorian and David whenever he comes back to visit the show for a month. I CAN'T WAIT.
And now a special segment...
Characters Who Are WINNING
Brody. He took action, and actually tried more than just saying, "Please." Now while I don't buy for a second that Jessica's family has no legal recourse in this whole Tess situation, Brody isn't going to give up and has already attempted, you know, more than one strategy.
Nora. While she and Bo should have given Matthew more information already, she did finally let the poor kid in on what the hell is going on right now with his Uncle Clint.
Joey. Sure, they've had him be duped regarding just about everything on the planet lately, but at least he finally remembered having seen Eddie Ford in Clint's house.
Eddie Ford. The show remembered his murder hasn't been solved!
Characters Who Are LOSING
Charlie. He made out with Echo today in his wife's living room. Seriously, are they firing Brian Kerwin? Did he quit? This isn't exactly a "keep him around" move. You don't cheat on Victoria Lord! And if you do, I'd assume you're supposed to devolve in a downward spiral of self-hatred, not put the moves on the other woman again in the middle of Llanfair!
Rex. Apparently he let David rot in a Moroccan prison because he was "so scared" for his family. And, bullshit.
Ford. My thinking Ford's a loser is nothing new, but today he hit new lows when Jessica's mother tearfully begged for his mercy to help with her mentally ill daughter and he refused.
And finally, if I were the host of a TV show about Llanview, this is definitely the image with which I'd end my show: