Are We, Like, The Worst Parents Ever?
Join me in today's episode of One Life to Live...
Gigi asks the titular question, and Rex points out the minor foibles of his biological parents.
Clint and Aubrey chat about their little arrangement to keep each other's business quiet. After the phone call, Aubrey tells Cutter about Jessica's breakdown and Josh Kelly does a nice little bit where Cutter feels bad about ripping off a family that's been "through the wringer," but can't keep a straight face through the sentence because, nope, he doesn't actually feel bad.
Is my TV stand the only one that might be haunted? Do other TV stands make weird settling noises (that are, as a result, very unsettling)?
Bo and Nora! Long time no see.
Kelly wakes up very naked and tries to sneak out of John's room, the morning after they had a not-drunk not-one-night-stand. He catches her. John is bleeding from the head, which cannot be a morning-after turn-on. Kelly points out that while they were using each other, at least having sober fall-from-grace-sex doesn't involve a hangover. Roxy, who is probably hungover, walks into John's apartment. Is this her management style?
Dorian confronts Echo about wearing Charlie's watch.
Viki tells Joey and Clint about Brody finding Jessica with Robert Ford in Vegas and how Jess is Tess and Clint is overly optimistic. Viki expresses sympathy for Aubrey for marrying into this family of nutjobs, liars, and train wrecks -- but Viki, to know the Lord/Bukes is to love the Lord/Bukes. C'mon!
Aubrey and Cutter make out. It's... not interesting.
Tea does some legal explaining to Vimal as Rama busts in, as one does to a police chief's office.
Gigi opens the bedroom blinds in her rent-free giant carriage house. It's lovely lighting in there. Boy do I feel terrible for all of Gigi's financial struggles. I would hate to live rent-free in a giant carriage house without a college degree. If I did, I sure hope my boyfriend would keep a secret about some relative of his being locked in a Moroccan prison in order to make sure my in-state college tuition got covered. Rex tells Gigi he doesn't want to take her "for granite," (which, really, would require some more nuanced acting, Rex) and then they start to get it on.
Speaking of getting it on, Aubrey and Cutter have just finished doing so, and it's still not interesting.
Joey tells his parents that John and Kelly hooked up. I'm glad I don't live in the same town with my parents -- apparently if they're local, they get filled in on not only all of my hook-ups and indiscretions, but those of all my acquaintances as well. I think all of that information would be very disappointing and (more importantly) traumatizing to my parents.
Roxy uncovers Kelly in John's bed, assuming it's Natalie (again with the over-involved-in-sex-lives family members!) and they scream at each other. Roxy yells at John and compares John/Liam to Roxy/Rex in terms of ways we define family, although that correlation doesn't really work for me. For a lot of reasons.
Dorian tells Echo she's not going to tell Viki about Echo and Charlie because it would be too hurtful right now.
Viki is surprised that Kelly would do such a thing to Natalie since she's been "close to this family for years," which, really? Is that what we call having slept with almost every male member of the family and having borne a child by Viki's grandson while cheating on Viki's son with whom she cheated on her other son? (Not that I blame anyone for forgetting that Kelly is a Buchanan babymomma, since she herself seems to have forgotten.)
Bo actually expresses sadness to Nora that he's working so hard to put his own brother in prison. Which is refreshing. Of course Bo is hugely angry at Clint right now, but I've been wanting to see some sadness as well. He's lost his brother, that's no small thing.
Aubrey and Cutter... something. Meanwhile, Rama implies to Vimal that she's pregnant and tries to talk him into going to prison to earn Clint's gratitude. Somehow. And he inexplicably sees some morsel of wisdom in this and refuses to sign the statement against Clint.
Aubrey and Cutter continue to conspire. Can these two finish up quickly? If they could actually be integrated into the rest of the canvas somehow, I still hold out some hope of potential. As it stands, zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Kelly leaves John's and Roxy tells him he shouldn't be blaming Natalie for the paternity lie because he should be blaming Marty. Oh, I look forward to hearing this train of logic!
Clint makes fake amends regarding Aubrey after learning that his deal with her is working out.
Rex tells Gigi the truth about David Vickers, and that he's basically known about it the whole time.
Dorian cuts up a wedding photo of her and David. Did they get a wedding photo prior to the wedding? Or was this an earlier wedding? Kelly comes home and admits that she got with the same fellow last night that she did the night before.
I appreciate Roxy's loyalty, but her argument is that Natalie lied to him about the paternity of Liam because Marty intercepted Natalie's letter to John. I... what? What? Oh, Roxy. Natalie's mistake did not happen when she slept with someone who wasn't John. While she was not in a relationship with him. While he was in a relationship with someone else. Why is there so much confusion on this issue? John seems confused about it, too. Dude got wronged, big-time, I'll give him that -- but he did not get cheated on. Focus, people!
Gigi learns that Rex covered for Clint in the David situation in exchange for her grant money, and she's pretty much totally fine about it. As anyone would be.
Vimal gets carted off to jail and Joey apologizes to Clint for having thought he'd been the one to switch the paternity tests. HOLD THE EFFING PHONE. It's all well and good for Clint to maneuver his way out of this legally, but didn't he tell the entire family at the wedding that he had the tests switched?! Am I insane? Bo and Nora also wonder what the hell just happened.
Cutter brings flowers to Kelly but gives them to Dorian instead (whoa, where are they going with that?), Echo shows up at Viki's to tell her something, and Clint invites Aubrey and Joey to move in with him.
Rex shows up a Bo's office and tells him he has to tell him something about his son. I'd imagine in this town, Bo just had a flashback to an old DNA test and wondered if Rex was talking about Matthew, Drew, David, or -- hell -- Cristian. "Your son" can't really mean much to any men in this town, can it?