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« The Twist We Never Saw Coming: An Uptick In Quality | Main | I...I Can't Even Think Of A Pithy Joke About Predictability »

March 07, 2011

Asshats Of The Day

Oh, I'm in a mood.

"John, you're not going to try to take responsibility for this, too, are you?" Oh, Viki, who do think you're talking to? Of course he's not going to try to take responsibility for this or anything! John doesn't seem to realize his own culpability in Tess coming out even a smidge. Did it ever occur to him that moments after Jessica learning that her child's father was really Ford and not Brody, he forced Natalie to tell her another catastrophic truth while Jessica's entire support network was either involved in the betrayal or running around town dealing with a whole other family crisis? John didn't think maybe the truth could've been revealed to Jess in some safer, more structured environment? He's right that Natalie is responsible for the lies that made Tess emerge, but he's responsible for how the lies were brought to her attention. 


John is an asshat.

Langston's whole issue with this Ford/Tess business is that it disrupts her relationship with Ford? Not that Ford married a crazy lady in the form of a historically murderous psycho so that the two of them could raise a baby with no help? Shouldn't that be a dealbreaker for him as a human being, rather than just a thing that puts him in the relationship doghouse?


Ford is an asshat.

And for fuck's sake, can someone point out to Ford that Tess is not "all talk" and that she imprisoned and tried to murder her sister and brother-in-law a few years ago? I admit I enjoy Tess when she's just in lippy hedonist mode, but she's actually quite dangerous and perfectly happy to kill someone, apparently. No one can just say this to Ford?! (I guess he wouldn't care. "But my son!") And by the way, James is now complicit, so he's a champ. As is Starr, but hey, Tess kidnapped her kid so I guess turnabout is fair play. Or something.

Isn't Tess supposed to be the revenge alter? Working on behalf of Jess? Of course they've been so inconsistent over the years about how it all works that Tess could perform successful brain surgery tomorrow and it wouldn't really be that shocking. (Can she perform brain surgery on Ford, for starters?)

Now that they're dropping all these hints that Marty actually swapped the paternity tests to make it look like John isn't Liam's father, are we going to end up with Brody -- the person who has behaved most decently in all of this fallout -- having no little munchkins to call his very own? I am seriously going to pull my hair out if we're totally denied a Baby Lovett. 

Okay, Todd and Tea can have their own sick, toxic, mutual "isn't it cute" violence between the two of them. That's fine. But when Todd treats his children that way, it's not fucking cute. And apparently it's supposed to be, considering the fact that Starr was running around all giddy today as if her father hadn't just terrorized her sister and her friends and basically told her she was trash. I realize Starr has been dealing with the sociopath who is Daddy for years, but one would think such events would have some impact. Some?

The fact that Tea and Todd had "I hate you" sex today over the fact that he verbally abused and physically threatened his two teenage daughters and their boyfriends is not hot. Or funny. 


Todd is an asshat.

So many asshats, so little time.


I will not be a happy camper if Marty did switch those results. The only way to remedy that for me would be that Ryder is actually Brody’s and not Ford’s. I don’t really want John to be a father but I’d take him as the lesser of two evils over Ford. If they both end up with a baby and Brody ends up with no baby I just don’t know if I could continue watching. I can deal with a lot of BS on this show. I can even deal with those ridiculous Ford brothers on my screen but Brody not being a father to one of those babies while the two people I dislike the most being fathers is just too much for me to handle.

And yeah, Ford is going to be a great father as he leaves his son alone w/his brother (who doesn’t know crap about babies anymore than he does) and his girlfriend (and a crazy woman too as Tess was still in the apt) to run off to be with the girl you left hanging on Valentine’s day so you could go to Vegas with said crazy woman and get married to her by a vampire. I was never a fan of Ford but I didn’t quite hate him as much as many do until today. If he is Ryders father I hope he gets killed by Tess and Brody ends up with him. Either way I just want Brody to end up being someone's father. I mean if they can give the biggest psycho on the show 3 kids surely they can give the one most deserving of being a father a child. C'mon people!

John has his issues but I don’t think he can really be to blame for Tess coming out. I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t have mattered when or how Jess was told, Tess’ coming out was inevitable one way or another and Natalie is responsible for about 99% of it. I don’t care for John in general but putting any responsibility for Tess coming out seems like just another excuse to hate on him when there’s probably plenty of other reasons other than that (like the fact that he has always treated the women in his relationships like crap in the first place). Brody shares more blame in this fiasco than John does and Brody is my favorite character and can do no wrong.

I also didn’t care for Vicki encouraging John to be Liam’s father if in fact he is Brody’s. I felt she really had no business in that matter. She was also a bit hypocritical about Natalie acknowledging she lied and how it was wrong but “she did because she loves you” to John. Um no, either you’re going to condemn the wrongful act outright (Clint did the same thing for Jessica – out of supposed love for her but he still got vilified) or not. There really should be no “buts” in Natalie’s case either. She was just as devious as Clint was. I believe Clint really did change the paternity tests out of love for Jessica way more so than Natalie doing it out of love for Jessica or John. She was thinking of herself and only herself as she always does. She had plenty of chances to make things right before the wedding and chose not to. She does not deserve anyone's benefit of the doubt. I get that Vicki is her mother and is not likely to vilify Natalie like she would Clint but just keep your mouth shut about it and don't encourage the man she lied to to just forgive and forget. That just rubbed me the wrong way.

It was fun watching Tea go crazy on Todd until they started having sex. Then I didn’t want to watch anymore. Apparently Tomas knows who Todd really is so seeing where that goes will at least keep me interested.

And I’ll say this until it sinks in to TPTB. Christian has so little ties to anyone in Llanview anymore other than being a sounding board for Blair and has not had a real story in years so either change this or give David Fumero the pink slip already. I hate seeing him lingering like this.

It was Bess that kidnapped Hope.

I think the show was trying to convey, in some bizarre way, why Tea and Todd would be together after all these years and everything they've gone through and basically cement the fact that these two are masochists. Not that we didn't already know, but they clearly get off on screaming at each other. (Psst! The show is telling us what to think.)

I'd much prefer Brody to be the father of Jess's kid than John not being the father of Nat's kid. Any configuration that leaves Robert Ford without familial ties to the Lord-Buchanons is fine by me. It'd be much easier to get him off this show if his character wasn't somewhat legitimized by this baby.

Just... ugh.

Actually Tess didn't kidnap Starr's baby. It was Bess, the gatekeeper.

Thanks, you guys! I knew that Bess was the kidnapping mastermind but somehow I thought Tess was still involved somehow... now I'm thinking maybe this was when Tess was just in a weird jail cell in Jessica's brain. Ugh.

Not that Ford married a crazy lady in the form of a historically murderous psycho so that the two of them could raise a baby with no help? Shouldn't that be a dealbreaker for him as a human being,

The show seems to think that if you stick a baby in his hands and it doesn't spontaneously combust that it makes him awesome, when all it really does is leave him not only as the rapist who had sex with a clinically insane woman, but who MARRIED her when she offered him MONEY to keep her out of the asylum where she belongs, because the LAST time Tess was out she not only nearly murdered her sister, KIDNAPPED a baby, but was so messed up that she caused the DEATH of her own child. But, hey, it's okay. Her rapist put a ring on her finger and changed a diaper, and that's supposed to make him a 'great guy' even as he turns down his rape victim's mother tearful plea that her daughter needs psychiatric care! The guy should be in jail for reckless endangerment of the infant at the very least. He's a horrible father and a horrible human being. Why does the show insist on propping and promoting him?!

Louise. I love your columns and Serial Drama. ITA that John is an asshat. He knew Jessica's history but he insisted that the whole truth come out that night with no regard to Jess's mental health. I recall Natalie telling John that very night that she was worried about Jessica finding since "We just got her back from mental illness". She should have been told with her support system and a psychiatrist in attendance. Sorry, John it's not rocket science. But John never takes any even small culpability in anything when he can put it off on the redhead. I like Natalie more and more and of course she was protecting Jessica. Not to say she should have lied to John or Brody but Jessie is another story.

I say we play a drinking game every time someone says "my son", "baby" or "father".

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