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« Notes For The Midterm Evaluations... | Main | Probably The Greatest Rumor Ever »

March 17, 2011

It's Like "Groundhog Day", Except It's Written Terribly. And Also A Tragedy.

I cannot even, you guys. I cannot even.

I cannot even tell you how much I am dreading spending the next few days/weeks/months, depending on how long before the General Hospital writing staff gets bored with this story, watching something horrible happen to an adorable little boy. I just...the never-ending despair that is life in Port Charles and the quickness with which soap writers go the dead/dying/in peril hurt and offend me.

I cannot even tell you how annoyed I am, pre-emptively, at how this will be spun to make it seem like Jason and Sonny's lifestyle isn't so dangerous after all. "Sure, the mob is quote dangerous un-quote, but you know what else is dangerous and/or deadly? Doors that open. Yeah. That's the REAL danger!"

I cannot even roll my eyes hard enough to fully express my irritation at how Jason-focused this story is going to be. The promo is all about him! "A hitman with a painful past..." Let me finish that sentence for you, Gravelly-Voiced Promo Man: "A hitman with a painful past is, literally, involved in every single thing to ever happen on this show. Granted, not very much happens on this show, so that is sort of a hyperbolic statement but still. He's everywhere".

I cannot even muster up the energy to rant at how often and how blatantly Bob Guza rips off his own stories. Another accident that could have been caused by any one of the harried drivers on that road at that exact time? We're doing that AGAIN? REALLY?

See? I can only angrily spit out three sentences and a mere 26 words. They've finally broken me.


I just wish, ONE TIME, they would show someone driving that wasn't involved in a car accident!!

RIP Jake Webber.

I just don't understand, like you I have no words for how dark and ugly this show is.

And am I hearing there's like 6 or 7 suspects? On a residential street that, as Elizabeth told Scrubs when they bought the house around the corner, "…You’re not living blocks away from the hospital anymore; this is the other side of town. But our street practically has no traffic which is really great for the kids, however we are the last to get snow-plowed so you’re going to need to invest in a blower or a shovel or something…"

Of course that was in January 2008. Perhaps PC got a government grant to put in a new interstate system and instead they just expanded the neighborhood streets to four-lanes and called it done.

And Joss is getting a kidney or two from Jake because she has Stage 5 kidney cancer? Umm, Carly, you're gonna need more than a kidney - how about a nanny that's alarmed enough when there's blood in the urine to bring it to Jax's attention. Not your attention, Carly, because we get that you have Michael (and Jason and Sonny) to be worried about, but still... that nanny needs to be replaced.

This will not be a story about Jake or the two people who raised him. Although I'm sure Lucky will get more Emmy reel material if there's any airtime leftover after Jason gets his.

This will all be about Jason who couldn't be bothered with this child. And Carly 'cause if it has to do with Jason, you know she's gotta be there. But the good news is - it'll all be over and never talked about again so fast, it will be like Jake didn't exist at all. Thanks for that "eff-you" to those people who wrote, called, etc and made you aware of just how many people BH had that wanted to see her onscreen. I'm betting they will all stick around to watch this and whatever sick s/l you morons cook up next.

This is not a good story in any way, shape, or form.

This. Is. Not. Entertainment.

I know this is a roundabout comment, but I watched Criminal Minds the other day and it was about a woman who worked undercover to bring down a weapons dealer. Get this, when the man admitted he had a son and that he wanted him to follow in his footsteps, you know whatbshe did? She told him she could never help the weapons dealer do that. Plus, ultimately she went to the extreme of getting the father imprisoned and faking the son's death so he could get away from his dad. You know what the show thought of the woman agent? How about that she did the right thing and was viewed as a hero. You know what else? It made for great dramatic television!! How refreshing to see that somewhere the idea of protecting kids and getting them away from the reach of homicidal sociopath is still regarded as a good thing.


Frons' agenda to force JaBomb down peoples throats has no bounds. He couldn't fire Becky, so he'll kill the kid. THAT will magically make this bomb of a coupling successful after 2 years of the lowest ratings in GH history.

The deadbeat and the whore want to spawn, so Jake has to die.

Yeah, that'll do it, everyone will just forget ;)

Another hit and run? Didn't we just see a teenager die in a bus accident in December? Now, GH has sunk really, really low in killing off a 4 year old for another one of their stunts?

Seriously, how on earth does Frons, JFP and Guza still have jobs?

For something that was "storyline dictated," it sure seems clunky and out of left field. Could there have been any less buildup to Josslyn getting sick? Did the hotel give her kidney cancer? Like Crystal said, is this an indictment of Mercedes' performance as a nanny? Now I'm just rambling..

Joanne, you're not rambling- this awful show is. I can't bear that they killed sweet Jake. Assholes.

There are simply no words. Though you all manage quite well.

It is sad when a story like this is regarded as nothing more than a stunt. And it is. The story it is copying - the death of BJ - wasn't a stunt - it was shocking, it came out of the blue, but because of the quality of the show at the time, it didn't feel like a cynical shocking stunt to grab ratings. It was a tragedy that added layers to characters, and actually explored what such an awful event does to a cast the viewers love.

This? No one is expecting much from this. It's like one of those blockbuster alien / disaster movies for the summer - all sound and fury, and ultimately forgotten (at least by the writers) in about 60 days time.

And on top of that, this shallow rip off of a GREAT story (by a far superior writer) is being combined with a rip off of a yet another stunt storyline by having all these multiple drivers in cars being possible suspects.

Really, how creatively bankrupt does a show have to be that all they can do is rip themselves off time and time and time again - to the extent that great stories are retold as bad stories and bad stories are retold as even worse stories? This is entertainment?

And we won't even get into this being yet another example of the legacy characters of GH being sacrificed on the alter of Guza's limited imagination and desire for death and violence.

Guza is a sick, twisted bastard. If it were reported as a fact that he tortures puppies and kittens, my only reaction, aside from total repulsion, would be "Yeah, that sounds about right." If it weren't for torturing/killing children and the blatantly misogynistic behavior of almost every male character on the show, I really don't know what he'd write about.

Preach it, Mallory. I was a major fan of GH during the Maxie/BJ storyline (just the thought of Felicia sinking to the floor and Bobbie holding her still gets to me) and the thought of Guza using that gold to spin this crap makes me twitchy with rage.

If you need a laugh to help you get through, check out this AMAZING (and unintentionally hilarious) photo of Jason's pain ('cause, of course, the death of the child he abandoned is all about Jason):


There are no words :)

I stopped watching with the rumors of Becky leaving, but can't stop reading your posts - they are amazing and funny. This does not induce me to put GH back on my DVR. I can't watch a show that makes me livid. Killing Jakie? The worst!

Crystal, You're my hero, and said it all best.
I haven't watched GH since Metro Court ~(I had loved this show forever. 1st memory of GH was of Scotty catching Laura's Wedding bouquet) In 1984, mom went back to work...But the Azteck Princess and her Frisco made me an addict. In college, I cried and cried and cried when Felicia fell to the floor screaming that Maxie would now live cuz Barbara Jean died. Karen dangled from a stipper pole, Sonny was a Sleaze. Jason hit a telephone pole and was no longer a Quatermaine...But then. Something didn't feel right. Where has Bobbie gone? (granted, even when Nurse Spencer was around you didn't recognize her. eeks) No more Ned, he and Lois are gone. Oh, how I miss Laura, and the Nurse's ball spearheaded by Lucy Coe! As Awesome as the Metro Court was, I said farewell to General Hospital the day Alan Limped out of the Hotel, clutching his chest, falling to a heap on the ground. That was it. Click, Click, GONE.
GH, these days is like an ex boyfriend you think of every once in a while. You grin slightly and daydream for a minute or two, but then realize how bad he hurt you, and you just want to hit someone.
I've seen these "Sorry, but Jake's dead now" commericals and I quickly change the channel. This is not the show I remembered. In any way, shape or form. I don't expect to see Bobbie's Brownstone, My beloved Robert and Anna. I know time moves and things can't always stay the same. Stone dies from AIDS and you are shocked and saddned to the core. We are so sad for Stone, but thankfully we have our Robin. But Robin. At the Rate this show is going, Robin will soon have a slow, agonizing death. That girl that hopped down the stairs in her blue dress to meet her Daddy, Robert? holding her dolly with the jewels for eyes? They'll do something awful to Robin. You can be assured of that. But Carly will always live another day, to make her constipation faces as she screams at Jax/Jason/Sonny. Every. Single. Effing. Day.

I feel bad for devotees of this show. You're all stronger than I am for hanging in. For the record, I only watch one daytime soap and it's NOT on ABC. I became a Y&R fan in 1997, and have been happy as a clam ever since.

Becky, I woulda gladly seen you in Genoa City. Sorry for YOU you're stuck in that PC hellhole.

I want a job as a writer for GH. Apparently all you have to do is dig through the files, copy old scripts, change the names and cash your paycheck. It doesn't even matter if you destroy a show that used to be great in the process.

I hate this show.

And you know, you just know that the whole Jake/Joss/kidney thing won't be anything like BJ's heart. Carly will snarl at Elizabeth about what a horrible mother she is because Jake got out of the house, that Jason's son is gone.

I honestly don't know why I keep giving GH chances.

When I think about how it was said that this was going to be a must-see story back when Becky was fired, I knew it would just be more crap.

I agree with everyone here, but I just want to point out that Jake was dying anyway. It wasn't a "get rid of Jake since Liz is staying" thing. This was supposed to be Becky's exit story with her going crazy from grief.

just awful--no words to describe the awfulness..... Guza/Phelps/ Frons must go....

I so wished the rumor about Guza leaving was true.

What I cannot believe, frankly, is not that Guza is having the audacity to rip off a previously done story--that holds no real surprise--but that he's ripping off a story from a previous headwriter whom HE HAS BEEN QUOTED AS SAYING had only one worthwhile story, and that story was not BJ's heart, but Stone's AIDS storyline. (Sorry to scream. But I just could not help it.) So explain to me, Mr. Guza, why you would rip off a storyline that by your own (very high, naturally) standards of headwriting did not succeed? Ptooey. [Oh. My. God. I'm just having The Revelation. The man is ripping off the BJ story because He. Thinks. He. Can. Do. It. Better. He. Thinks. He. Can. Do. It. "Right." Oh. My God. I may have to go lie down with a cool cloth on my head.] Seriously, however--does that not speak volumes on how far soap writing in general has declined in the last 15 years, that this man could even contemplate doing this, that there is nobody around who will call bullshit on his delusions of grandeur? My word. How far we have sunk.

@Michael: Of course Guza thinks he can do the story better. His version is all about Jason.

I'm going to go throw up now.

Guza, Frons & Farren Phelps should all DIE!!!

GH Comment Line at 1-323-671-4583

"Frons' agenda to force JaBomb down peoples throats has no bounds. He couldn't fire Becky, so he'll kill the kid. THAT will magically make this bomb of a coupling successful after 2 years of the lowest ratings in GH history.
The deadbeat and the whore want to spawn, so Jake has to die."

Donna, that is exactly what I was thinking. Effing show!

I haven't been watching this show lately and I thought this whole "Jake is going to die and Jason isn't a bad man, seriously guys feel sorry for him." promo was going to be a five minute stunt. I had no idea they actually killed Jake until reading this and I have to say that I'm DISGUSTED that they KILLED a sweet, innocent little boy to play the "Jason isn't a bad person, really" song for the 65375 time. And like everybody said I'm sure Carly will blame this all on Liz and only care about Jason's pain and... I'm getting too pissed off at this stupid show. I hope Guza is proud of destroying a legendary show.

How much do you want to bet we don't even SEE Bobbie? Guza doesn't think anyone remembers the BJ storyline, so why possibly rock the memory boat by actually having, oh, I don't know, JOCELYN'S GRANDMOTHER there to support her. If you're going to go there, why not have a heartfelt moment between Bobbie and Carly and Bobbie telling her story? Won't happen.

Any chance Monica and Edward will get to find out they had a grandson and great-grandson respectively? Won't happen.

Maybe Laura will fly in from France to comfort her son?? Won't happen.

What about Leslie?? Lucky is her grandson!! Surely she can pop in for a minute to say "sorry you kid is dead" and disappear again? Nope.

How about Audrey!! She babysits those kids about 90 hours a week. SURELY she will make an appearance to comfort her granddaughter and mourn the loss of her great-grandson?? Pish-posh.

I would even take Alan and his tracksuit, floating around the room, comforting Jason. Casey the Alien? ANYBODY that would be relevant to the passing of a child who is so wrapped up in legacy characters??

I need a Xanax.

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