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« I...I Can't Even Think Of A Pithy Joke About Predictability | Main | A Port Charles Shocker: LOGIC! »

March 08, 2011

Naptime On The Main Line

Recap day!

Gigi arrives at work to find a drunken John at something-o'clock in the morning.

Kelly is late for work and hopping around on one shoe and wearing some sort of lycra/leather combo skirt. Dorian is onto the fact that Kelly's been getting it on with John McBain.

Aubrey, Joey, and Cutter are having a traditional Main Line breakfast of the wealthy. Cutter pretends that he's working with a charity and therefore doesn't need a job. Will anyone ever question the fact that this "brother and sister" seem to be independently wealthy for no reason?

Matthew takes a look at the newspaper headlines about Eddie Ford's murder still being unsolved as Destiny approached.

Bo and Nora chat on the phone, and Rex shows up to wherever Bo is in Morocco. It's just wherever anyone would first go in Morocco when flying in from the States, naturally. "In a Moroccan prison" apparently just means the one possible place. Bo isn't pleased by Rex's appearance, and the Moroccan Prison Warden tells Bo that David isn't there.

At the Buenos Dias, Clint and Nora chat about Matthew.

Matthew assures Destiny that Darren won't ever hear about their kiss. 

Aubrey boringly tells Cutter he shouldn't hang around at the Buke mansion so much. Cutter suggests she find the flash drive that reveals their con.

Dorian accuses Kelly of having feelings for John. Which... eww. In what way is John appealing at all at this point?

Gigi lectures John in a manner that reveals her complicity in Natalie's baby lie. He demands to know how long she knew the truth. He's pissed. That's fair. (Can he please be pissed at Rex, too? I like when people are pissed at Rex.) Gigi makes a number of poor arguments on Natalie's behalf and insists that he still loves Natalie, and John promptly fires Gigi. OH NO HOW WILL SHE PAY HER RENT? Oh yeah, she doesn't have any. Poor thing.

Kelly explains to Dorian that her whole "thing" with John is just two people at their lowest finding comfort in taking off each other's clothes. Cutter shows up with flowers, and totally unpredictably everyone thinks the flowers are for Kelly but they're really for Dorian.

Joey tells Aubrey about having seen Eddie Ford with Clint the day he returned to Llanview. 

Clint taunts Nora a bit on having no evidence against him for killing Eddie.

The Moroccan Prison Warden claims that he doesn't recognize the photo of David. The guard we've actually seen interacting with David looks nervous. Rex flashes some badge from Amnesty International and magically gets them a tour of the prison. Oh hooray! Rex is going to turn into a not-completely-sucky PI and save the day and Bo will have to forgive him! Sounds amazing.

Gigi is actually surprised that John fired her and she crashes around a bit and leaves.

Dorian tells Cutter she's onto him and he's after her money.

Matthew tells Destiny how his parents think Clint killed Eddie. He doesn't buy it, but she already seems convinced.

Joey goes to the Buenos Dias to ask Nora about the Eddie Ford case and tells her about seeing Clint with Eddie.

Rex and Bo see the cell that David was in and Rex squeals and hugs Bo as a rat scurries by. He's who I'd want helping me in such circumstances, that's for sure. They find the wall drawings and Bo flips out on the warden. The guards come to seize him and Rex, who flails about like a three-year-old girl doing a Three Stooges impression.

Cutter flirts with Dorian and she laughs at him.

I just realized that neither Todd nor any of the Fords and their women are on today, so I'm thanking someone for small favors.

Nora decides to let Joey in on what they've got on Clint.

Clint refuses to give Aubrey the flash drive. 

Kelly shows up at Rodi's, which apparently annoys John. 

Cutter accuses Dorian of still being hung up on David, and... they kiss in the least organic possible manner. I'm all for Dorian having a hot, meaningless affair, but they moved way too fast on this.

Joey and Kelly commiserate, which still makes no sense. Nobody did anything to Kelly. A guy she wasn't dating married someone, that's it. How are their situations comparable?

I am so bored I'm going to need to start sticking forks into my skin to stay awake. And on that note, Aubrey and Joey chat about Nora's suspicion that Clint killed Eddie. 

The Moroccan Prison Warden calls Clint to let him know that Bo showed up and won't know where David is. The nervous guard still looks nervous, which Rex notices because he is A GENIUS.

Joey opens a safe and Clint walks in and catches them.

Nora tells Matthew that Bo is abroad but remains vague as to why.

Bo and Rex try to appeal to the nervous guard, but the warden interrupts. We see that Bo gave his contact information to the guard surreptitiously.

Cutter continues to try to play Dorian by accusing her of not being over David. He apparently won't believe her until she burns the photo of David. Why did I pick this episode for a straight recap? My arm hair hurts it's so dull. 

John has consumed approximately 37 shots of various hard liquors over the course of the episode and just looks a little glum, and grabs Kelly and starts kissing her. I feel like we've seen this scene before. What does it take to get John seriously drunk? He should've been at "hook up with someone to feel better" about 13 drinks ago. At this point he should be stumbling around or passed out in his own puke. Oh yeah, he's John. His stomach is made of steel. I'd be speaking in tongues on one-fourth that amount but, hey, I'm no Johnny Mac. Or something.

That was a dud. I'm going to go sleep it off, y'all!


John and Kelly are both totally sleazy. Why on earth would she want to sleep in that hotel bed that was recently used by Natalie, Marty and Blair? Gross.

Why couldn't Bo go search for David without the help of twitch mctwitchison?

Natalie needs to stay away from John and raise that cute little baby with Brody.

Aubrey, Cutter and Joey serve absolutely no purpose and should be replaced with DG's version of Kevin.

"Aubrey, Cutter and Joey serve absolutely no purpose and should be replaced with DG's version of Kevin."

All Kevin would do is be treated like garbage by Kelly and whine about Todd.

The show is full of stories that are both rushed and go nowhere. It's a real feat but they manage to do it. The show also seems to revel in repulsive and inert characters as leading figures. The leading men on OLTL are the worst I have ever seen on any daytime soap. The women aren't a lot better. It's sad to see the show veering around dead spots like Rex, Gigi, Jessica, the Fords, Cutter, Aubrey, Todd, Tea. They just end up writing these people as too perfect and awesome for words, and everyone around them is constantly put down and marginalized.

"OH NO HOW WILL SHE PAY HER RENT? Oh yeah, she doesn't have any. Poor thing."

HA! That literally made me laugh out loud, Louise. Everytime they try and paint Rex and Gigi as this blue collar couple struggling to get by, that is my go-to argument.

And am I the only one that foresees Clint with Aubrey and Dorian with Cutter?

Yep, old Clint will be bedding Aubrey by May, while Cutter and Dorie get it on.

How much longer are they going to drag out this BE scam s/l with Clint/Joey/Aubrey/Cutter? It's boring me to death, and is turning Joey into a dumbass!!!

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