Poor Little Bobby Ford Feels Like Crap
Cry me a mothertrucking river.
If you check in here often, you probably knew this was coming, and I'm happy to deliver. Well, "happy" isn't the word, really, because I am still seething today. I am not seething only because of today's episode but also because I made the foolish choice of exploring various pages and message boards to see what the general viewer consensus is and I've learned that I am clearly insane and watching a different show from much of the viewing public. Apparently there is an alternate-universe One Life to Live out there that also has a character named Ford who has recently found out he has a biological son, but in this alternative universe, he didn't get this biological son by sexually exploiting a mentally ill woman, he did it during a run-of-the-mill one night stand and he is, in fact, a really decent guy who needs to rescue his son Ryder from a handful of evil people -- and this handful of evil people has a ringleader named Brody. Brody is super-evil! He has the nerve to hate this innocent Ford who has truly turned from a player into a wonderful man all for the sake of his new li'l boy! That bastard Brody!
See, on the One Life to Live I've been watching, Ford did sexually exploit a mentally ill woman and, doing so, neglected to use any sort of protection and impregnated her. He then blocked the mother of his newborn son from getting the professional help she so desperately needed and planned to live in a home with her alter (a woman who has attempted to, in fact, blow people up in the past) having regular access to said infant and wants to completely restrict the child's mother's family from having any contact at all with the child. This includes the child's sister. Any bonding that this baby did with his mother or his mother's side of the family in the weeks after his birth has been deliberately cut off by Ford, and he planned to continue this arrangement indefinitely. Possibly forever.
And then today on my version of the show, the mentally ill woman had a healthy moment. Her dangerous alter disappeared for a few minutes and she was desperate to make sure her son was okay. Brody, who is a pretty good guy (albeit occasionally hot-headed) on the version they show on my television, tried to help Jessica reunite with her son. Ford relented for a moment and let Jessica hold her son, and then when he realized that the good mental health of his baby's mother means that he probably won't have primary and sole custody of the boy (he's not really into sharing; he is, after all, a man on ABC Daytime, which means shared custody is emasculating somehow), he went ahead and deliberately traumatized Jessica until Tess re-emerged. And he did all this? "For his son." How does this help his son? What would that argument even be?
Now I'd be generous and say, "Hey, no biggie, Ford's an asshole and they're having him behave like an asshole, so it's fine by me!" if it weren't for two things. The first: Langston gave Ford a luxurious tongue bath of epic proportions yesterday when she swung by his apartment and told him how tremendously he's changed, what a wonderful father he is, how he's a new and "good" man, how much parenthood has changed him, and how totally selfless and purposeful he is now. She told him she hoped he won full custody and, therein, would keep his baby's mother from getting help and forever exposing his son to a dangerous, crazy person. And then today, he insisted that what he'd just done to Jessica was hurting a perfectly decent woman and that doing so "felt like crap." All of this indicates to me that we are somehow supposed to find one shred of sympathy for a small iota of his actions because he feels bad about it and because he's doing this "for his son." Now, I'm unable to muster up one single dingle thing about this situation that would benefit his son in any way.
Aw, poor tortured, heartbroken, "new man" Bobby Ford. He sure feels super-bad about making sure his baby's mother and everyone who loves her is suffering. But he has no choice! Clearly making people suffer and exposing his infant to a dangerous woman is far better than helping her get the help she needs and, if at that point she for some reason won't cooperate with any sort of visitation plan, going to court about it like he's already doing. He's a real dreamboat hero. A real fucking champion. I'm sure Hell could use a new prince, I nominate Bobby Ford.
And I'll stop there so I don't go on all night. I'm just an eency bit livid.
I just got way more livid. Rumors are that Susan Haskell has been let go. I am going to wait until this is confirmed officially because I am seriously going to blow a gasket here. But I can see the reasoning. "Hey, remember how not a single actor had won a Daytime Emmy for our show since the mid-1990s except for Erika Slezak, and then Susan Haskell did? We should probably go ahead and fire her."