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« Dear Afternoon Television Program, | Main | The Unbearable Darkness of Being »

March 24, 2011

Putting On A Happy Face. For Now.

I spent the better part of this week with my nerves completely frayed, worried that the rumors would be confirmed and that All My Children would be officially canceled. The show's grisly possible fate had been discussed everywhere from Deadline to The Wall Street Journal to People.com to the conversation between two women in line in front of me at Starbucks and I was starting to bug. I refreshed soap news websites about [REDACTED because it's just...embarrassing. I don't think even the cast was as into it as I was yesterday] times and found myself seriously worried! I mock it a lot--perhaps a more honest statement would be "I mock it always"--but the prospect of not having All My Children to watch (and, yes, complain about in increasingly wordy and increasingly vulgar ways) left me depressed and dejected and despairing and other painful adjectives that begin with D. 

When the official word came that AMC had (temporarily?) been spared, I decided to do something to show my appreciation. "As God is my witness," I cried, because I love grand gestures and Scarlett O'Hara impressions, "I will say something positive about All My Children EVERY DAY!"

Then I watched Wednesday's show and immediately amended that to "...starting tomorrow" because yesterday's episode was a quagmire of just boring awfulness. There is literally--literally!--nothing in the world more boring than watching Caleb navel-gazing about who even knows what, while Michael Nouri looks off-screen at something he enjoys more than being on this show. And liberal doses of Krystal and Marissa? I was in a stupor, from boredom.

But then today came and it was...a lot of the same, but also: A BACHELOR CHARITY AUCTION. It's so old school soapy and ridiculous that I can't help but love it already. It's more than a little bit silly, but in the way that basically guarantees at least a few minutes of delight.

But then a few minutes ago came and several people gave me a heads up about an upcoming story. After the jump a SPOILER. It spoils the story AND your appetite.

From soapcentral.com:

Angie's baby is stillborn. Brot finds an abandoned baby. Jesse decides to tell Angie that baby is hers. The baby is Maya's (the new young, pretty Chandler maid).

Kreizman calls this the most emotional story they've told so far on AMC; it wasn't an easy decision - pros & cons were weighed. They wanted the audience really invested in the happiness and the baby here for impact. Jesse takes Angie to the place they got married in back in 1983. She goes into labor. Something isn't right with the baby. Brot arrives on the scene. Jesse is holding the dead baby when he hears a baby cry. It's a baby that was left in Brot's patrol car. A desperate Jesse decides he has to spare Angie. Morgan and Williams are over the moon about the material. Morgan notes if Angie could see this deception wouldn't have worked. As is, she's in heaven, so happy as Jesse goes through the motions for her sake. There's a scene where Jesse returns to where he buried his child to beg for forgiveness (the cameramen were crying). Jesse wants the dead child to have the name Ellie, so convinces Angie to call the baby something else - they decide on Lucy. How long will this secret stay hidden? With David around who knows...

What in the name of fuck?

I was going to bold everything that I found offensive and/or problematic and/or INSANE, but the whole blurb wound up bolded. I mean, yes, Debbi Morgan and Darnell Williams will kill it and maybe the show will surprise me and it won't be the disturbing mess it sounds like, but...I just can't. I mean, I can and by that I mean that I CAN shriek with disgust and bafflement. What I can't do is deal. Or understand how writers were paid actual US dollars for this.


I follow you VIA GFC and I love your blog!

Lol, i felt the same way. I need something and someone to make fun of!

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