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« Presented Without Comment | Main | The Twist We Never Saw Coming: An Uptick In Quality »

March 03, 2011

The Entertainment Is, As Always, Purely Unintentional

I'm not sure this is what the writers were aiming for--actually, that's a poor way to phrase it, because it implies that the General Hospital writing staff is actually aiming for something, when I'm reasonably certain that their writing method is basically "You know what would be awesome? [INSERT SOMETHING THAT IS ACTUALLY NOT AWESOME]. But you know what else would also be awesome? [INSERT SOMETHING THAT IS NOT ONLY NOT AWESOME, BUT TOTALLY CONTRADICTS NOT AWESOME THING #1]. Let's do both, and make sure that Jason and Dante are involved!"

Anyway, I'm sure that the writers would be hugely surprised to hear that I clapped my hands (literally) with glee (GLEE!) twice (twice!) today during GH, and would be even MORE surprised to hear what I was so gleeful about. No, it wasn't Sonny's deafening pledge to find Brenda with no help from the police. And no, it wasn't Abby's sweet-yet-monotone counseling of the latest shitty thing to happen to Michael. And, nope, it wasn't the "shock" and "intrigue" of yet another episode ending with a variety of guns pointed at a variety of heads. And it definitely wasn't Jason's declaration of love curing Sam's temporary deafness. Please read that again: Jason's declaration of love cured Sam's temporary deafness. There is cheesy and ridiculous, and then there is that.

It turns out that, as highfalutin as I pretend to be, I am seriously easy to please and, to walk away from an hour of GH satisfied and smiling, all I need is (1) a character speaking the truth and (2) some hilarious ridiculousness.

Let's start with (1), a character speaking the truth. While Sonny was yelling loudly and...longly

Sonny: As my son, as my best man, who stood by me at my wedding as I vowed to....(more pausing) (another pause) (squints as he tries to read either a cue card or the lips of an anguished bystander mouthing "LOVE AND HONOR. SERIOUSLY, IT'S LOVE AND HONOR!") (Pauses again and thinks "Dove and Connor? That doesn't make a lick of sense")...love and honor for the rest of my life.

Dante was growing more and more frustrated with his father, eventually sharing with Lulu some amazing pieces of wisdom and sense, such as:

Dante: Just when I start to feel for the guy [Despite him SHOOTING YOU IN THE CHEST? --Ed.], I want to lock him up and throw away the key.


Lulu: No mater what I think of Sonny, his kids are always the most important thing to him.
Dante: Yeah, he keeps saying that. Heaven forbid he would actually quit the business and set a decent example.

If Dante is going to eat screentime as though it were a particularly delicious Italian feast cooked by Olivia, the least he could do is make comments like this on the regular.

Then there is (2), ridiculousness.

I know that I should be bitter that Jules is a character who exists while people like Jax and Maxie languish somewhere off-screen and unexciting, but: his name is Jules, he works in a cave lair for a man he refers to as Mr. Big, he dreams of being a carnival knife-thrower (it's good to have goals! And how rare is it to encounter someone on this show who doesn't dream of running a crime syndicate?) and when he bumps into someone, he hisses, "Next time: the blade" in the most threatening yet totally not threatening AT ALL voice. Hey, if we're not going to get a well-written show, I have to embrace the camp.


I guess Michael has been "healed" from his rape trauma after telling Jason, Sonny, Carly and Dante. Now, he's locking lips with his hooker/stripper/prostitute love interest. Only on General Hospital is a rape victim offered "sex" to get over a rape.

I take it you've never read, oh, every fanfiction ever written, Ladybug.

Jules is The Balkan's Spinelli. He'll be decorating Brenda's cave prison in pink and bringing her organic produce before you know it.

Sweet baby Corinthos :-0

One look at Jules and I knew Guza was doing it yet again..... Yup, Spermtastic Sonny is about to meet another long lost Son!

Will Sonny shoot, blow up, or stab this one????

Poor lair dwelling Jules ;-)

The worst moment of the day--and there were more than enough to choose from--was Sam's miraculous recovery of her hearing.

ABC could save a ton of money (maybe enough to let Mac show up every now and then to do his job)if they got rid of the writers and let the actors just say whatever. It would make just as much--if not more sense.

I find it hilarious that this is the best guy that the Balkan can get to guard his most hated archrival, Brenda. He is shorter than Vanessa Marcil, for God's sakes (which that in itself is a near impossible feat)! And so easily seduced by Brenda! I mean the girl barely touched his jacket and he was done. Yes, I know most men in PC are also easily seduced by Brenda and as one of Brenda's #1 fangirls I probably would be seduced by her dulcet cackling, also, but come. on. At least make it mildly realistic. Can Jason just rescue her already?

The first time Jules appeared a week or so ago, for a minute I thought it was Seth Green with a dye job, and then I thought we viewers had somehow landed in the middle of an Austin Powers movie. The cave, the comic lackey, the silliness...this story would have been wonderful if they played it for intentional laughs from the beginning!

"ABC could save a ton of money (maybe enough to let Mac show up every now and then to do his job)if they got rid of the writers and let the actors just say whatever. It would make just as much--if not more sense."

Reading that, and then actually thinking about it, made me laugh so hard I almost choked on my breakfast cereal.

Do you think Guza knows (or remembers) that there was a big storyline in the 80s that revolved around Mr. Big? Nah....probably not. I forget, the man thinks GH started when Sonny first appeared on this show.

When I read he refers to his employer as Mr. Big, that's where my mind went Horselover. I wondered if we were going to find out that Burt Ramsey is out of the asylum (or jail, did we ever hear which he ended up in) and was still hearing the policemen sing "For he's a jolly good captain" (or whatever... much as I loved GH back then, really, that was the longest walk ever).

Spazzo47, I remember that Mr. Big parade too, you made me laugh so hard remembering it! They were singing "For he's a jolly good cop," with the word "cop" stretched out over 2 syllables. I can still hear it in my head! My whole family watched GH back then, and my father and brother both kept singing that song making fun of it. Back then we could excuse a story clinker now and then.

Ha! Was Jason curing Sam's deafness any more(or less) ridiculous than his healing Courtney(aka Skipper) of her week long drug addiction? All he had to do was throw her pills out onto the beach. Ah, the memories. Which for the life of me I can't forget. No matter how hard I try.

ahhhh Mr. BIg-- Bert Ramsey-- good stuff. I really do think the GH writers have given up and forgotten how to write a decent storyline. Where is Matt/Maxie? Enough of Sonny/Jason worshipping....

OMG, JANET B!! I heart the Austin Powers reference! Of course, the Balkan is BALD so he fits the part perfectly. Now we just need Adrienne Barbeau running in and yelling FEM-BOOOTTSS!!!!!!!!!!

Ah Bert Ramsey. Remember there was a reason Kellys was called KELLYS? Remember Ruby?? Ah the good ol' days.

On that note, I shared with Mallory today that I covered a party for Stuart Damon's new show on Tuesday night for my column, and John Ingle was there. I managed to get an adorable photo of the two of them together (John Ingle is the most adorable man to walk the planet) and it made me incredibly sad to realize I was getting a pic of Edward and Alan Quartermaine - together - something we'll never see on a GH screen again.


How ridiculous was the dress Carly wore to work? It looked normal from the front...but ALL BLACK LACE in the back.

But ALC, her hair!! She looked really pretty yesterday - more than usual - when she was talking to Jax. Makeup? Hair? Couldn't put my finger on it, but she looked great!!

GH wardrobe probably felt that was enough and put her in the ho-bag dress.

This is probably an unpopular opinion (but I don't care) I actually thought last weeks Jason and Sam scenes were really good, Sam's fear at losing her hearing was totally believable (for me) as well as how cute she was when replying back to people and Jason hovering at her bedside was the love in the afternoon I've been missing, I also really enjoyed the Davis girl scenes and fangurled completely at Jason's \m/, signing at Sam (I'm not ashamed). I think tptb could have let the storyline run a little longer as it felt rushed and ended to soon... I also enjoyed the lack of Spinelli last week 'awesomeness'

ALC, I know, right?! Hideola!

That opinion is popular with me, Summer Jay--I thought Kelly Monaco really shined all week with that story. She was so good with the terror and the cuteness, and if it was a long character arc, I think she would have rocked it. But, no, it ended quicker than some of my phone calls.

Jason's love curing Sam's deafness is more believeable than Nik's declaration of love curing deathbed Emily's cancer and causing dead flowers to re-bloom. Remember that one?! That one was so cheesy it made me hate cheese.

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