This Show Is Heartbreaking. Interpret That As You Please.
If you pretend that today's episode of General Hospital isn't an episode, exactly, but actually a series of standalone vignettes that just happen to add up to sixty minutes, it was pretty fantastic: the performances by Rebecca Herbst, Jonathan Jackson, Steve Burton and Laura Wright were nothing short of phenomenal and there were some pieces of dialogue that gave me goosebumps and had me pausing the DVR so I could open another package of tissues.
Lucky: It's only the machines keeping his body going at this point.
Elizabeth, voice tiny and heartbroken: I know that. I'm just not ready to let him go.
Lucky: I can't tell you, man, how thankful I am that you gave me the chance to be Jake's father. Every day, man, every day he brought so much joy to my life...and now he's gone.
Lucky: You know, ultimately it's your fault that I took those boys in. You made being a father look like so much fun. I just couldn't resist. I wanted to know what that felt like. I wanted to be on the other side of things. I didn't know it was possible to love that much.
But when you look at the episode as, you know, an episode, it was fucking awful.
Oh, yes, it made me sniffle, sob, and weep (it's hardly an achievement--I cry at everything. They could have just filmed Rebecca Herbst saying, "I am really, really sad right now" while wiping her eyes, and I'd choke out "Oh, Becky! Don't be sad!" while dabbing my eyes with a tissue, so really, they oughtn't pat themselves on the back too hard on that point), but you know what else it made me do? GASP in HORROR SLASH RAGE. HORRAGE, if you will.
- Jake got hit by a car, underwent surgery, was declared braindead and his parents chose to donate his organs. Josslyn was run-of-the-mill sick, diagnosed with the worst form of kidney cancer, and was prepped for an organ transplant. All of these things happened in less time than it takes for me to order a drink at Starbucks. To refer to this kind of pacing as demented is being far too kind.
Carly: Jake's father said we could have one of his kidneys for Josslyn.
Okay, not only did that not technically happen, LUCKY is the only father that really matters here, but why am I even going to bother arguing with Carly? She's not at all well-versed in facts and reality, and she's also fictional.
Carly: If Josslyn doesn't get that kidney tonight, they're going to start pumping her full of chemo. I get that Elizabeth doesn't like me and I can't imagine what she's going through, losing Jake, but I've got to talk to Elizabeth and make her understand...
I know that this is Carly that we're talking about and that she takes everything said to or about her as the most sadistic of insults, but that's a bit much, even considering the source. Like Elizabeth is just being spiteful!
- Are you kidding me with this?
Carly: I just keep thinking about Jason. My heart is breaking for him. He has helped me through everything in my life and now this. Josslyn's getting a second chance because of Jason.
"Lucky and Elizabeth? Who even cares? Who are they to Jake, really? They're not like Jason. They're not awesome."
- For some bizarre, completely inexplicable reason, the show is treating the (rehashed and lame) "Whodunit" part of the story as its most compelling aspect--that's what the promo is about! Gravelly-Voiced Promo Man sternly intones, "Only one question matters". Yes, that is true, G-V PM, and that question is: how is anyone related to this freakshow of a soap still employed?
- Elizabeth's son dies and she just...disappears for the last half of the episode? WHAT? And also, WHY?
- General Hospital hates veteran characters the way that I hate...well, General Hospital, so the glaring absences of Monica and Bobbie aren't surprising, but they are maddening, since both are related to the major players in this story and were part of the far superior story Bob Guza is lazily and half-assedly ripping off. And just to dig the knife a little deeper, Monica was actually paged today during one of the hospital scenes. It's like the writers were laughing in our faces whilst giving us the finger.