Serial Drama

Preview for A Bold And Not-So-Beautiful Experiment

So I was going to wait till I got a few weeks of episodes under my belt, but there were just too many awesome things in this last batch of episodes to keep mum. I am making an attempt at picking up The Bold and the Beautiful, which I have not watched since the eighties. Obviously as the soaps are disappearing one-by-one (or two), it's worth it to find new ones to keep the genre alive (if such a thing can occur). Obviously I don't have the history with B&B that would make me a perfect candidate to cover it, but I will certainly try. And I'm kind of looking forward to you wonderful readers filling me in on years of backstory and linking me to sites that cover all the ugly details, if any of you are so inclined.

Still kickin'!

Among the reasons I chose B&B instead of another show: I used to watch it. Literally from the very first episode. Also, it's only a half hour, so probably a lot easier to catch up on and watch in marathon form. I'm also told Scott Clifton, Rick Hearst, Andrea Evans, and Jack Wagner are on it, and that works for me, though from what I've seen they don't exactly eat up screentime. In fact, I have yet to see some of them at all. (So, uh, Rick Hearst's character is really named Whipple? This is what people actually call him?) I also mistakenly thought Ian Buchanan was still on it, but apparently that ended years ago. I am psyched that Alley Mills is on the show; I had no idea!

Among the reasons I'm frightened of taking on B&B: soaps are personal. Viewers are hardcore. I will make fun of things that I have no right to, and I will get things wrong regularly. And I will be confused all the time.

So I guess my point is, use the comments below to talk about whether you'd enjoy a B&B presence here at Serial Drama. And remember, correct me as much as necessary, I welcome it! While it's clearly true that Serial Drama is responsible for the fact that Mallory, Becca, and I are all fabulously wealthy and world-famous (obviously), we don't have fact-checkers. 

Ain't Too Proud To Beg (For An Emmy)

Luke: You couldn't confront me one on one?
Tracy: Some of us have tried. All of us are concerned.
Luke: All of us? Does that include a perfect stranger? Who is this clown?
Calvin: I'm Calvin Blaine, an interventionist. Your family asked me to help.
Luke: Well, Calvin Blaine, they have wasted your time. I ain't going to be interventioned.

 
If soap opera episodes had titles, today's General Hospital would surely be titled "The One That's Going To Win Us The Outstanding Daytime Drama Emmy" and the DVR description may well have read "Anthony Geary, Jonathan Jackson, Julie Marie Berman and Jane Elliot pad their Emmy reels". Well, not exactly--the GH powers-that-be would never let Jane Elliot wind up in contention for an Emmy on account of, you know...the olds.

Luke's intervention was, to be sure, an elaborately choreographed bid for at least four Emmys. You could practically hear the producers staging it. "Voice breaks, anger, someone gets choked up, bloodshot eyes...anguish! Tears! Tears! TEARS! Fade out. And the Emmy goes to...US. Boom! Roasted!". But even if they had ulterior motives, I can't deny that it was a pretty fantastic 60 minutes of television. The performances were outstanding, the writing was shockingly good and there were flashbacks. An intervention with flashbacks--some from a golden era!--is right up my alley, so I have no...very few...only a handful of complaints!

Slezakiversary.

In honor of today's crazypants episode, I'm going all stream-of-consciousness on you kind people. Let's see what those kooky folks at One Life to Live have going on for us today...

Oh dear. Viki's in some sort of an attic. Is it a subconsciousness attic? The music suggests it's No Good. She finds it familiar. And is displeased.

Tess doesn't speak bimbo. I'm confused. Isn't that kind of her whole deal?

Niki's changing into Viki in the courtroom bathroom. Might she have considered doing that before entering the courthouse?

Viki can see Niki in a mirror in her soul-mirror, and her voice is echoing. She really means business when she echoes, because she's not a fan of Echoes. (Sorry, I had to.)

Niki's having a lengthy conversation with herself in the mirror. Is this a traditional symptom of D.I.D. alters? Talking to oneself incessantly.

Oh Jean's here. We know because she has glasses on and used the word "caterwauling" in her first line of dialogue. She has keys. Because she's the gatekeeper. Zuul and Sigourney Weaver are way more fun than Jean, as gatekeepers go.

Why does everyone spend so much time manhandling Tess? Joey now does so and this offends Ford, because Ford is nothing if not chivalrous and honorable on behalf of all women everywhere. I swoon.

Wait, Viki gave Niki the gatekeeper key? It seems like they should've made duplicates. It's only a dollar each, and sometimes the guy at the hardware store by me doesn't even bother charging.

And Hilarity Ensues...

Yesterday's One Life to Live was... well, it was a hell of a mixture of good-bad and bad-bad. All of it hilarious. Shall we review the range of amusements?

- We got the return of Eddie Ford's weird "I'm super-evil" accent. If you drop your r's and go a little Southern, it signals that you're truly cruel!

- We had dopey, simple James doing his best imitation of Lenny from Of Mice and Men.

 
 

- We had Starr being all bad-ass staking claim on her... "man." While downing a glass of milk at her mother's bar.

- My favorite, we were treated to Echo and Niki's catfight:

 

 

"It Couldn't Get Much Worse Than It Already Is". Oh, Lucky, I Beg To Differ.

I had this very wordy, very irritated preamble to this post written before I finished today's General Hospital. I used lots of synonyms for "boring" and included a story about a hilarious Easter rant by my aunt Lisa (she is indirectly responsible for there even being a Serial Drama, since she introduced me to soaps as a wee one) about how horrible Jason is--a rant made whilst making Belgian waffles, which I think makes the story even more hilarious--and a variety of nicknames for Abby that incorporate the term "dead-eyed" because duh, but all of it went out the window when I realized that this week we are getting an INTERVENTION! On THURSDAY! INTERVENTION! You should all know by now how I feel about television interventions and how I feel is GLEEFUL! 

I also feel slightly irked about just how blatant this Emmy pandering is; like, it's so obvious and ridiculous that they may as well run a scroll at the bottom of the screen saying "Anthony Geary is eligible for a nomination as Outstanding Lead Actor in a Daytime Drama...Don't forget to vote Julie Marie Berman as Outstanding Supporting Actress...Jason RULEZ, Cops DROOLZ XOXO, Guza", but mostly...gleeful. Who would have thought that Bailey's intervention on Party of Five would have such an impact on my television viewing habits?!

It's sort of hard to talk about Emmy pandering without specifically mentioning Tony Geary's performance lately. He's been masterful. After years of shenanigans and wackiness, he's got some dark, painful material to work with and, well, he's been killing it. In the (surprisingly fantastic, actually--Maurice Benard is at his best with Geary and also, small children) scenes he had with Sonny, he had this air of just...exhaustion that was really well done.

And he got an Emmy-worthy line if there ever was one:

Luke: I don't give a crap about Jason.

Even though this wholly blasphemous statement was intended to showcase just how downward Luke has spiralled (insulting JASON?!?!?!), it still deserves a slow clap. 

This deserves a big old eye roll:

Luke: You never killed a kid, Sonny.
Sonny: I got one shot.

True, you are responsible for Michael getting shot. Also, you--single-handedly--almost one blown the fuck up! And SHOT ONE IN THE CHEST!

(Although, really, that one was mostly on Olivia).

 And this? Deserves a huge glass of shut the hell up (I quote Adam Sandler movies a lot, don't I? Huh) and also, WHAT THE FUCK?

Luke: We even survived him being a cop!

Yes, because this is, literally, the worst path a child could ever take. A COP! That's worse than being an arsonist, or a kitten-drowner or a fan of Nickelback.

Destination: Horror

Usually when I compare All My Children to a scary movie, I'm referring to the way that I can sense, during long stretches of boring, that something (usually Ryan or, shudder, Rylee) is lurking offscreen, waiting to horrify and disturb us. Also, the show's propensity for downright illogical and silly plot twists reminds me of, well, Scary Movie.

But lately when I talk about AMC's terror, I mean it in a good way! The stories that are supposed to be creepy continue to hit all the right notes. Erica's kidnapping? Chilling. And I'm finding myself really intrigued about the mystery of her captor. Who is this person who knows all about her? The kidnapper and his/her distorted voice have namedropped more old characters (Mona, Tom Cudahy) than the three previous AMC writing staffs managed to (cue Charles Pratt wondering, "Moan-a? That's hilarious"). Will the big revelation be a complete let-down? Probably, but I am holding out hope!

Then there was the last scene of Friday's episode, which I have finally gotten around to watching (it was an unexpectedly busy weekend, hence the driveby posting). I have ranted for years about soaps moving away from the traditional Friday cliffhanger and opting to end the week with a run-of-the-mill scene that will, if anything, urge people to tune out on Monday, but AMC captured some mojo with Kendall, after spending an episode continuing to put together the pieces of Ricky's true nature (and busting Griffin out of the hospital and sending him off to parts unknown), walked home to find the man who killed Zach playing with their children.

 

 
I am actually excited for today's episode! And not just in the post-cancellation, overly sentimental kind of way ("This is the last April 25th episode AMC will ever have!"), but I am looking forward to seeing where this story goes, especially if Kendall follows through on her pledge to make him pay. If they write her with even half of the personality traits we've come to known and love, it is going to be pretty fantastic.

And, of course, we can't talk about horror without mentioning the most horrific creature to walk through Pine Valley: David "There's an E in evil, and also in David!" Hayward and his litany of crimes and misdemeanors.

Frankie: But you don't know that for sure, do you? And this is your son talking now. David Hayward -- he hates this family and will do anything he can to pay us back for whatever he thinks we've done to him. I know you want your sight back. I know you want it badly, and so do I, but you need to remember who this miracle is coming from.

Frankie: David's to blame for you losing your sight in the first place. How can you be buying this con job?

Frankie: Mom, you're responsible for David losing his license to practice medicine. Before that, he accused you of stealing his job as chief of staff.

Wouldn't it be nice if Frankie were an actual character with a story and a personality, and not just a plot recapper?

Random Non-Sequiturs and Save Our Shows!

My quick disclaimer: I am very pessimistic that there is any hope of a decision reversal regarding the cancellations of One Life to Live and All My Children, but I will say that I've noticed a hell of a lot more backlash in the mainstream press than I'd anticipated so, hey, it can't hurt to try, right? And of course, my sadness over the cancellation has already made me the brunt of a lot of friends' jokes, but I don't care a lick -- if their comfort food fell off the Earth for the rest of all time, they'd be sad too, right? This is important beyond just what we put on our DVRs and having to part with families we've been tuning in for for decades. It's hundreds and hundreds of jobs and yet another blow in the slow demise of scripted drama on television; we cannot possibly need more "lifestyle/reality" television. And for me personally, One Life to Live is a very big deal because it is one of the few remaining scripted TV shows (and the final soap) based entirely in New York City (and not shot here but written in L.A. ala L&O SVU, Gossip Girl, etc). It's a big deal here in particular that sustainable day jobs exist here so that hundreds of actors, writers, directors, and designers can stay put in a city where they can work regularly in the theatre and still pay the rent. Read any bio in any Playbill and I guarantee you almost all of them, among the actors' TV credits, list some combination of One Life to Live, All My Children, As the World Turns, Another World, Guiding Light, Loving, The City, and the list goes on. It's no joke that this show being based in NYC in fact supports the arts in a major way.

I'm seeing a lot of flyers, I might add. Tonight I was walking up Eighth Avenue and almost every single one of those little plastic stands that carries the free daily papers was full of "Save Our Soaps!" flyers. I got a little verklempt. Of course some of the coverage out there is deliberately mocking us for giving a damn by making overt efforts to make us all look like hoarding shut-ins with no sense of self or personal hygiene and, hey, that's some of us. That also accounts for some of the viewers of Meet the Press, Sesame Street, 30 Rock, Mad Men and everything else on the schedule.

I am seriously rambling. The point is that if you want to take action, there are about three thousand resources out there right now. You can go here (make sure the volume's on for fun there!) and here (I admire that woman's thorough spirit!) and about a million and a half Facebook groups and pages. Post any other links and information into the comments below, and everyone else scroll down to see what's going on and what you can do! (I am involved in none of this so I certainly can't vouch for it -- just trying to get the message out there.)

 

Oh yeah, the show! Just some stray thoughts:

-Why?

 

Llanview Llogic (Or Llack Thereof)

My failure to understand the town reaction to Dissociative Identity Disorder persists. Someone is seriously going to need to explain to me why Ford, upon learning of the sexual abuse endured by Jess that resulted in D.I.D., has now decided that he respects and admires and sympathizes with... Tess. A symptom, not a human being. Let's walk through this, shall we? Tess is the thing that happened as a result of a trauma suffered by Jessica and yet, instead of manning up and being a decent human being, Ford has apparently made himself feel like he has some sort of depth by basically deciding that Tess is a real person. Because he feels bad about the origins of Tess. Which were a result of Jessica's abuse. Nope. Still don't get it. Call me crazy, but shouldn't Ford now be sympathizing with Jessica herself? And seriously questioning the safety of letting a D.I.D. alter (who is not a human being and has no conscience) have access to his child?

Yay Mom!

And the thing is, it's not just Ford. Everyone in town, including Jessica's family, speaks to and about Tess as if she is an autonomous individual who just happens to look an awful lot like Jess. Kelly, Viki, Natalie, Joey, Aubrey -- just about everyone. Aubrey and Cutter ridiculously have an arrangement with Tess to keep their con a secret, but they don't seem to realize they should cover their bases and make a deal with Jess and Bess and lord knows who the eff else at this point. SHE'S NOT A PERSON! It's not like Jessica's body has been possessed by some other complete soul with her very own 30-year history on this planet.

And might I add that if this background information has led Ford to hate Viki because of something that Niki did since Niki is only a symptom of Viki's illness, would it not follow that he would in fact find compassion and admiration for Jessica for something that created and was endured by Tess since Tess is only a symptom of Jessica's illness? HOW DOES ANY OF THIS MAKE SENSE?! Ford seriously seems to think Tess is some sort of hero for "protecting" Jessica. How is anything that's happening now protecting Jessica? And seriously? WHAT ABOUT BREE?

Rama continues to entertain the heck out of me. We're clearly not dealing with some sort of a decent person, but I can't help but enjoy how much glee she seems to get out of poking at people.

I rather enjoyed it yesterday when everyone ran into the room to see what she was screaming about and she explained that Clint was just lying there "with this -- this -- this mayor hanging around," and the word "mayor" was uttered with such accusatory disdain that I've started thinking about Bloomberg in a whole new way. Honestly, it's sort of a thankless role for an actress as such characters who just sort of get inserted into stories to cause trouble and laugh on the sidelines are not generally warmly welcomed by soap audiences (especially soap audiences who at the current moment are especially disinterested in any non-legacy characters for obvious reasons), so really, hats of to Shenaz Treasury. Shenaz, by the way, has dropped the "-wala" from the end of her last name, presumably to be more marketable for American roles but... now her last name is "Treasury." Just sayin'.

Port Charles, The Land of Unanswered Questions

Sometimes...no, often. No, always! Always, I get the sense that no matter what story Bob Guza spins about his OCD, uber-planned white board, the General Hospital writers don't give one second of thought to anything after they write a single line of dialogue.

GENERAL HOSPITAL WRITER 1: Uh, why is Lisa drugging Kristina?
GENERAL HOSPITAL WRITER 2: Why not?
GENERAL HOSPITAL WRITER 1: Good point! Oh, look over there, it's SHINY!

Continuity? Coherence? Not even on their radar, which leads to episodes like the past few we've sat through, where we don't even have a chance to fully formulate a question to express our befuddlement with some backwards plot point before ANOTHER backwards plot point waltzes up, all poorly conceived and ridiculous. And before I can ask what the hell that's all about, the FIRST backwards plot point is completely contradicted in an especially half-assed way.

That's a roundabout way of saying that I have questions...

• So, yesterday, when Carly confronted Johnny about recruiting Michael to be part of the Zacchara organization and she promised that she'd do anything to make sure that didn't happen, the music got all seductive-like, right? It's completely in character for Carly to feel that she's an irresistible prize and that offering herself will immediately get any man to do her bidding, but still: odd.
• And why was there no follow-up with that today?! I want to know if Johnny (A) laughed her out of his penthouse (B) took her up on her offer, reasoning "Hey, I'm already boning one deranged blonde, why not try another?" or (C) contemplated taking her up on her offer but got too annoyed with her screeching and kicked her out.

(Possible) Branching Out... A Poll!

So let's say hypothetically the landscape of daytime serial drama is poised to change somewhat dramatically. Hypothetically. Are there any primetime serial dramas you'd especially enjoy coverage of here?

And don't worry, we'll still cover what we cover until the bitter and sniffly end. I'll also be starting a bit of an experiment soon-ish regarding The Bold and the Beautiful (more on that later, once I work up the nerve). In the meantime, here's a very short list of primetime serial dramas that are already on my radar -- not counting shows that won't be back till fall; I may check in about Dexter and Sons of Anarchy when the leaves start turning, but not at the moment. Feel free to toss out suggestions in the comments section, though I'm not making any promises about taking on anything completely new until OLTL has closed its studio doors for the final time. (Am I trying to make myself cry? I might be, actually.) 

(Edited after many comments: Oh man. I should've warned about my aversion to costume drama of any kind. Maybe we can sweet-talk Mallory into covering some of those if she watches them! But I'm all for any non-sci-fi suggestions that take place in contemporary times!)

poll by twiigs.com