"It Couldn't Get Much Worse Than It Already Is". Oh, Lucky, I Beg To Differ.
I had this very wordy, very irritated preamble to this post written before I finished today's General Hospital. I used lots of synonyms for "boring" and included a story about a hilarious Easter rant by my aunt Lisa (she is indirectly responsible for there even being a Serial Drama, since she introduced me to soaps as a wee one) about how horrible Jason is--a rant made whilst making Belgian waffles, which I think makes the story even more hilarious--and a variety of nicknames for Abby that incorporate the term "dead-eyed" because duh, but all of it went out the window when I realized that this week we are getting an INTERVENTION! On THURSDAY! INTERVENTION! You should all know by now how I feel about television interventions and how I feel is GLEEFUL!
I also feel slightly irked about just how blatant this Emmy pandering is; like, it's so obvious and ridiculous that they may as well run a scroll at the bottom of the screen saying "Anthony Geary is eligible for a nomination as Outstanding Lead Actor in a Daytime Drama...Don't forget to vote Julie Marie Berman as Outstanding Supporting Actress...Jason RULEZ, Cops DROOLZ XOXO, Guza", but mostly...gleeful. Who would have thought that Bailey's intervention on Party of Five would have such an impact on my television viewing habits?!
It's sort of hard to talk about Emmy pandering without specifically mentioning Tony Geary's performance lately. He's been masterful. After years of shenanigans and wackiness, he's got some dark, painful material to work with and, well, he's been killing it. In the (surprisingly fantastic, actually--Maurice Benard is at his best with Geary and also, small children) scenes he had with Sonny, he had this air of just...exhaustion that was really well done.
And he got an Emmy-worthy line if there ever was one:
Luke: I don't give a crap about Jason.
Even though this wholly blasphemous statement was intended to showcase just how downward Luke has spiralled (insulting JASON?!?!?!), it still deserves a slow clap.
This deserves a big old eye roll:
Luke: You never killed a kid, Sonny.
Sonny: I got one shot.
True, you are responsible for Michael getting shot. Also, you--single-handedly--almost one blown the fuck up! And SHOT ONE IN THE CHEST!
(Although, really, that one was mostly on Olivia).
And this? Deserves a huge glass of shut the hell up (I quote Adam Sandler movies a lot, don't I? Huh) and also, WHAT THE FUCK?
Luke: We even survived him being a cop!
Yes, because this is, literally, the worst path a child could ever take. A COP! That's worse than being an arsonist, or a kitten-drowner or a fan of Nickelback.
I fast-forwarded through most of the rest of the show (although I have to say that Maxie and Elizabeth's scenes bring joy to my life. Maxie's role as the bitchy voice of reason is amazing. "What you're doing--excuse me, not doing, isn't fair to you or anyone else"! Smart and hilarious) but I don't want to fast-forward through all of the Michael/Abby/Johnny stuff. I know, why, right? Well, it's not because I want to miss things like this:
Abby: He's worth it. Michael didn't just save me from getting raped, he gave me my life back.
Because I DO want to miss things like that, or at least repress them after the fact. And I certainly don't want to watch Michael make even more illogical criminal decisions because...ugh. It just depresses me, you know? The character growth that could have been, had the writing staff been comprised of people with, you know, talent.
What I don't want to miss is prime Anthony Zacchara crazy and since the Zaccharas are linked to all of this, I have to watch, or else I would have never seen this:
Anthony: I'm trying to make this place a little more beautiful. I am trying to bring [Face contorts with RAGE!] JOY AND TRANQUILITY INTO YOUR LIFE!
Anthony: I think we'll enjoy this time together, this gift we've been given. We'll be a couple of bachelors just hanging out, looking for a little action now and then.
I swear, before Anthony is carted back to prison or killed for daring to mess with Michael, we better get at least one hilarious montage of him and Johnny bonding and having adventures, preferably set to a Billy Joel song. Please!