Serial Drama

How Is This Fair?

I have a feeling I'm going to be doing this a lot in the months to come -- gushing over an episode and lamenting how unfair the cancellation was in the face of such quality soap. I might have a skewed perspective because of the situation we're in, but I don't feel completely insane if I browse back over my many, many posts over the last couple of years. I've complained about One Life to Live over and over again, but I don't think there's any question that I always have loved this show and thought it was something worth saving. And at its best, as with any show, there's still something to get pissy about -- I never needed to see a Tess/Niki showdown again in my life, nor do I need to see Ford's tender side. But damn if today didn't give us some good drama. 

I'm never going to understand the rules of OLTL's version of D.I.D., mostly because OLTL does not stick to the rules it invents for itself, but I'm again confused about how any character (Ford, in this case) could hold Viki responsible for Niki's cruel actions but not hold Jess responsible for Tess' cruel actions. My instincts suggest that Ford's sympathy for Tess was supposed to show us some depth on his part, but that was a tough one on me considering Tess was standing there explaining that she emerged when Jess was being sexually assaulted -- both as a child because of Niki's negligence, and then again last year by Ford. But no matter. It's just more fodder for my hatred of Ford, and it feels good* to have someone to actively root against (besides the brass at ABC Daytime). It's like watching a baseball game. I don't resent that someone thinks I should be rooting for the opposing team; it's just more fuel for my fire. (Although so far this season, I'm learning that it might be best to stay home as it feels like every time I set foot in that stadium, my team loses. And I also spend way too much money on last-minute blankets and rain ponchos and hoodies. But I digress.)

Point is, Niki's back and while one of my favorite things about OLTL is how it embraces the camp of soap opera, I'm not sure anything can steel me for the hammy high muggy camp of Niki and Tess both unleashed on the audience at the same time.

So really, can we talk instead about the awesome? About Clint quietly suffering a heart attack because he's not willing to lose face in front of Bo? About Dorian appropriately trying to make both Echo and Charlie miserable by revealing the truth that Echo had known all along that Charlie wasn't Clint's father? 

AND EDDIE ALDERSON. Can I just talk about Eddie Alderson from now on, all the time? Every time I think I might be overstating the case about how damn good this kid is at this whole "acting" endeavor, he pulls another one out and nails it.

Wholly Unexpected Silver Linings

I've spent the past few post-announcement days doing a lot of lamenting (and also, raging: mostly about Brian Frons and The Chew. I don't think I will ever be over that, frankly. Cancelling AMC was bad enough in and of itself, but replacing it with The Chew, which sounds like a SNL skit come to life--and not even a good SNL skit. More like a skit heavily featuring Chris Kattan and Horatio Sanz--is needlessly cruel. THE CHEW!). Louise and I have been commiserating about how difficult it could be to write about All My Children and One Life to Live in the coming weeks; I'm normally quick to criticize and mocking is basically a reflex, but it felt wrong, somehow, to be honest about AMC's bad writing knowing that there are only a few months left.

Tellingly, neither of us said anything like "The show could surprise us and be, like, good!" which says a lot about the show's current state, AND YET: that's exactly what I came away from today's episode saying. That it was, like, good. Now, I could be viewing the show with overly sentimental rose-colored glasses and seeing quality entertainment where none exists or...it could have actually been good. 

The majority of my positivity, as it so often has over the past few years in Pine Valley, came from Alicia Minshew, whose last scene in today's episode was just staggering. Kendall finally (FINALLY!) realized that there was something not quite right about Ricky when he hugged her and called her sweetheart. She realized, in fact, that he is EVIL and probably a MURDERER.

Ricky: I'm here, Kendall. It's going to be okay, sweetheart. It's going to be okay.
Kendall: (Pauses, raises her eyebrow and then realizes that nothing about this is all right)
Ricky: You don't look okay at all.
Kendall: (Jumping away from him like he was on fire, or diseased, or Brian Frons) Uh, um, I will be. I just, uh, I just need to be alone right now. I appreciate everything that you've done, I just need to be alone. I hope you understand.
Ricky: Of course. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?
Kendall (Trying not to be physically ill): Okay.

A Farewell Favor?

At this point I assume that the folks over at One Life to Live are sitting down to figure out exactly how this show is going to end, and I'm totally still in the "bargaining" stage of grief (a cable network? webisodes! Me, me, I'll start a collection!) so I'm just going to make one quick public suggestion.

Please? They're both single and available and in need of a match-up (I am officially burying my head in the sand about the clearly impending nonsensical reunion of Natalie and John). And look!

They can smile and be in the same room together! So cute. Not a whole lot of big collective smiling going on between Natalie and John (or anyone and John), and Cris needs a legitimate story (and I'd rather not see a Cris-as-interloper storyline where he poaches another man's wife), and these two still have chemistry in spades.

Please? 

Maybe?

Otherwise, really, I could go on and on about how Rex might want to stop announcing Shane's suicide attempt to everyone in town or how I'm looking forward to Clint not being an asshole or the writers giving Marty at least one small moment of dignity before she leaves or how completely insanely freaking amazing Kassie DePaiva was in Thursday's episode and how nuts it was to hear Tea said that our current Todd "makes love like" the old Todd (when half the damn point of the Todd/Tea saga was that he couldn't make love), but I'm still just too sad and angry about the cancellation and about how wretched Brian Frons is at PR. I'm still working on how to get back to normal since we do have, what, around 180 episodes to go? One hundred eighty. Not near enough.

Oh, For Jason's Sake!

After unceremoniously cancelling All My Children and One Life to Live (which, to be honest, I still haven't fully processed yet. Like, it just seems so WEIRD to me that All My Children won't be around after September. How is that possible?! And how am I going to write about it until then? On the one hand, it seems awfully cruel to go on about the bad writing, since that's like kicking someone when they are down. On the other hand...you know, with the badness and all), Brian Frons gave interviews to all sorts of media outlets saying things like, and I am paraphrasing here but really not by much, "Yeah, it's sad and all but, moving on, you know what's going to be awesome? THE CHEW is going to be awesome" and a host of other crazy things, including statements like:

“[General Hospital is] in good creative shape..." ABC daytime chief Brian Frons told the Associated Press, urging its fans to “ask as many of their friends to watch the show as possible.”

Who who in the what now? I'm not going to even touch the whole "ask your friends to watch" aspect, which seems needlessly mean (I like my friends!) and also like he's trying to make us feel guilty, because: good creative shape? What?! The last time the writers exercised a creative muscle was in 1999! Everything since then has been the rehash of a rehash of a rehash, a veritable parade of "Been there (multiple times), done that (poorly)". It's not that I expect logic from a man who has proved himself to be an impossible failure at his job and I am surprised that he took time from pimping The Chew (it's been a few days and still, I cannot) to even mention General Hospital, but seriously: what the hell?

"What the hell?" is a pretty apt question for most of what is happening in Port Charles lately. And it seems to be happening in slow motion--lots of repetitive conversations, usually about or involving Michael or Jason. The latter is starting to realize that sacrificing his entire life and happiness for the former is a huge mistake, because it turns out that Michael is sort of terrible.

Jason: You get good grades. You know, you can go to college, you get a good job when you're finished.
Michael: I'm not cut out for the corporate world. Look, I barely make it through every day at Madison wearing a tie. I can't imagine putting one on every morning to just sit behind a desk for the rest of my life.

Career Day must be really strange in Port Charles, if the only options are "Tie-wearing corporate ninny" or "Mobster". Shut up, Michael.

There were actually a few really nice scenes between Liz and Maxie, and Liz and Sam, filled with polite awkwardness and discomfort, which is fitting when you consider the sordid history the three of them share, but Sam's line to Liz completely took me out of the episode. And by that, I mean that I rolled my eyes and deleted it from my DVR.

Sam: Yeah, but Jason doesn't blame you for what happened. So I don't think you should blame yourself.

Jason has the final word on everything in this town, and forgiveness is no exception, but STILL. UGH.

All My...Sadness. And Anger.

I've lost count of how many times I've received a comment with some variation of the phrase "If you hate the show so much, why don't you just stop watching?" (not that I was actually keeping count, although such a bizarre tally is up my alley) and it always baffled me and Becca during our days as fledgling soap bloggers.

"They think we HATE soaps."
"We don't hate them at all! Where on earth would they get that impression?"
"I don't know. Maybe because we post obsessively detailed screeds about what we don't like."
"Yeah, on a daily basis."
"And we've actually said 'I hate this effing show'."
"I guess, but still...people are really reading into things!"

Because I don't hate soaps. Obviously, I hate some (many) (most?) (I'm not helping my own case here, am I?) soap storylines, and characters, and decisions writers and producers have made over the years; I'm only human. And yes, I mock...and rant...and get angry (again with digging myself deeper. Remind me not to take the witness stand, should I ever find myself on trial!) but it's less out of hate and more out of...disappointment. You know? I feel like a stern teacher watching a bright student fail because they didn't do the homework. Or Tyra Banks, when she sees that her favorite wannabe model can't take a decent picture to save her life. "You're better than this [failing grade] [dead-eyed photo] [ridiculous and implausible plot twist]!"

And the thought of not watching never crossed my mind. Not just because it's my job, but because I can't imagine not knowing what's happening with Robin Scorpio, or Sami Brady, or Erica Kane!

Unfortunately, what's happening with Erica Kane is cancellation: in one fell swoop, ABC Daytime axed All My Children and One Life to Live to make room for two new lifestyle shows. I'm not usually at a loss for words, but I don't really even know what to say. I've been trying to write for a while, about when I first started watching and loving AMC. Or make a list of a handful of my favorite AMC moments and couples, either that I got to watch as they happened or discovered years after the fact and still love. But the words are just not coming. I can't imagine that, in just a few months, we won't have Erica and Kendall, and Tad and Angie, and other characters that I've grown to love over the years and characters that I've...never liked, but have still gotten used to seeing five times a week! I like my routine, okay? And part of my daily routine is creating new turns of phrase to describe the horror that is Ryan Lavery.

It's truly the end of an era and I am just...so sad.  

And it's doubly sad and also fucking enraging that Brian Frons still has a job.

Check In With Me Later, Weeping In A Corner

So a lot of the entertainment media folks are now reporting that both One Life to Live and All My Children have officially been canceled, with AMC finishing in September and OLTL finishing in January.

It's bad. It's not a rumor anymore. I'm going to wait until I've had time to collect my thoughts before completely freaking out but, you guys, I am completely freaking out. And heartbroken. And angry.

More later, but right now my heart just hurts for the hundreds and hundreds of people who work for those two shows.

Also? Suck it, ABC.

A Hazmat Suit And A Long Stick

Just some random thoughts on today's One Life to Live, as an impending head cold leaves me insecure about my ability to unify any sort of cohesive post.

The titular phrase, of course, being what Clint insisted he'd have given Charlie if he'd know Charlie was susceptible to Echo. Which, let's face it, was awesome.

And even better...

Echo: Why are you taking this so personally, Clint? It's not like somebody cheated on you.

Clint: It's worse. Someone's cheated on Viki, and she doesn't deserve this.

Damn straight, Clint! I love that he's still so protective of Viki. That and "Nobody picks on my grandson and gets away with it," and I'll be damned if we're not starting to see a little bit of Clint's viciousness finally pointed in the right direction! Here's hoping for more of this Clint, and less of "we need a bad guy so we're going to have Clint hurt his family in a million ways and randomly call it protection" Clint.

And over at La Boulaie...

Blair (to Tomas): I'm afraid Todd and I may have raised a sociopath.

Oh, Blair. Good call. And take a gander at the third word of that sentence and you'll figure out the main problem!

Also, Tomas misses Blair. And I swoon, and open a bottle of wine. (Or wait. That might be bad with the impending head cold. Cruel world, curse you!)

Awesome, Foreshadowing, Or Awesome Foreshadowing?

Perhaps it's unsurprising that somebody who spent her childhood reading Nancy Drew and, of course, The Babysitters Club Mysteries and went through an unfortunate (and also nerdy!) period where I was the world's youngest Murder She Wrote fan turned into a suspicious (and also nerdy!) adult, but here we are: I tend to overanalyze and read entirely too deeply into things and raise my eyebrow and say "Mmmhmm", all dramatically.

And Bob Guza's TV Guide interview has made me suspicious. A comment about Vanessa Marcil's contract status (Paraphrased: "She's not leaving! I have plans for her! I mean, the plans only go as far as next Thursday, but...PLANS! ON MY WHITEBOARD!") coupled with the rather ominous (also paraphrased) "Ingo Rademacher's not leaving...yet" makes me wonder if Jax is going to accompany Brenda when she leaves town. Needless to say, I would be ALL over that because of my well-documented Jax/Brenda psychosis, but still: could it be? Scenes like the one they shared at the end of today's episode tell me that, yes, it could be.

And they also tell me that the show is angling to tie The Hills as the show with the most "meaningful" long pauses.

  
Brenda: I'm just trying to figure out how to keep him safe.
Jax: [PAUSE]
Brenda: [PAUSE]
Jax: [PAUSES, thinking, "Yeah, doing that at a mobster's house is kind of hard, isn't it?"]
Brenda: [PAUSES, thinking, "I mean, I do have Max and Milo, which is...on second thought, never mind"]
Jax: [PAUSES, wondering if this is the chance to say "I fucking told you so, did I not?"]
Brenda: [PAUSES, hoping he doesn't take the opportunity to say "I told you so"]
Jax: [PAUSES]
Brenda: [PAUSES, cursing herself silently for not taking, you know, the WORLD'S advice about putting herself in danger]
Jax: [PAUSES, pondering, "Is it too mean to say BOOM! ROASTED!" to someone who looks like they're going to cry?"]
Brenda: [Voice cracking] You know, I just want to keep him safe. You know? From this whole crazy world that I've married into.
Jax: [PAUSES]...yeah.

The scene was all of twenty seconds long and at least seventeen were spent in silence! If Sonny were involved, it would have been like watching mimes.

All Good Things Must Come to an End, or at Least a Semi-End (Yes, Semi-End is a Word Now)

I feel like I should go to confession:  “Forgive me, readers, for I have sinned; it’s been a year since my last regular blog posts.”  But I’m not Catholic, and even if I were, let’s be real, I would not remember to go to confession.  (I don't have houseplants because I can never remember to water them, even though I'd see them on a daily basis.)  And if I did go, I would have so many things to confess, I would get tripped up trying to prioritize them -- Worst first, to get it out of the way?  Or cushion the blow with a few throw-away sins (Do those exist?  I hope so!)? –- and figuring out what to wear that I’d have to design some kind of spreadsheet to keep me on track and confession alone would become essentially a part-time job…

Perhaps the above paragraph provides useful context for my non-shocking announcement that follows.

Some longtime Serial Drama followers, particularly those with an ability to read, may have noticed that my posts are few and far between lately; by which I mean I’ve posted about a dozen times in two years.  I keep thinking that soon I’ll have time to watch the shows and post, but invariably each month in a panic I watch the shows to write our Soap Opera Digest column and then freak out about making that deadline while a bunch of them from my day job linger as well. 

So, after four and half years on Serial Drama and four with Soap Opera Digest, I’m happily bowing out.  Or more specifically, I’m leaving my half of our SOD column in the capable hands of the lovely and hilarious Louise Schwartz.  And I’m playing professor and going all emeritus-style on the blog, hoping to pop in occasionally with a disjointed gripe or two about kids today while wearing a tweed sportcoat with leather elbow patches*, but turning over official co-blogger status to Louise as well.  (* This statement is simply an attempt at humor.  I would never, ever wear such a thing.)

Five years ago I was just a budding blogger who watched and hated General Hospital and watched and puzzled over Days of Our Lives’ boringness, and today I leave you…well, I still live hate GH.  Nobody said progress had to be forward moving, people!  Except the dictionary, and I think we can all agree that it is horribly biased.  (For an example, please look up "inept" and see if you see a photo of anyone involved in running ABC Daytime.)

In actuality, there has actually been some forward movement in my life.  For those who are interested – and I realize that’s a minority of you! – I can provide some reasons for my absence.  Over the last year and a half or so, I:

Say What Now?

Monday's One Life to Live certainly provided us with some fascinating dialogue, despite not even checking in with any of the most interesting storylines currently in play (Viki/Charlie/Echo, the Matthew-shot-Eddie reveal, the bullying story). I'm not one to be ungrateful, so I will give thanks for (a) the absence of the "James rescues his ex from a life of legal adult films" plot and (b) the following lines that offer so much to rage at, celebrate, and laugh at:

Oh, Natalie. Natalie, Natalie, Natalie. I love her dearly and hope yesterday was actually a move in the right direction of becoming a little less delusional and... I mean I get that she's in pain and it's clouding her thinking, but honestly? If she thought John would happily be with her and raise another man's baby, then she never would have lied to him in the first place. Her shock and indignation in the aftermath have been a little difficult to swallow and, frankly, it's giving John McBain more to play uber-douche off of, which drives me crazy. Admittedly, I prefer John all bitchy and bitter like this as it's worlds more entertaining than dull, brooding, and saintly, but...

Natalie: Liam doesn't care about DNA!

Translation: John, even Liam is morally superior to you! He totally understands how science and biology work and I've given him a heads-up about the whole paternity situation, and he's totally still on board with you as daddy! So come on home!