Say What Now?
Monday's One Life to Live certainly provided us with some fascinating dialogue, despite not even checking in with any of the most interesting storylines currently in play (Viki/Charlie/Echo, the Matthew-shot-Eddie reveal, the bullying story). I'm not one to be ungrateful, so I will give thanks for (a) the absence of the "James rescues his ex from a life of legal adult films" plot and (b) the following lines that offer so much to rage at, celebrate, and laugh at:
Oh, Natalie. Natalie, Natalie, Natalie. I love her dearly and hope yesterday was actually a move in the right direction of becoming a little less delusional and... I mean I get that she's in pain and it's clouding her thinking, but honestly? If she thought John would happily be with her and raise another man's baby, then she never would have lied to him in the first place. Her shock and indignation in the aftermath have been a little difficult to swallow and, frankly, it's giving John McBain more to play uber-douche off of, which drives me crazy. Admittedly, I prefer John all bitchy and bitter like this as it's worlds more entertaining than dull, brooding, and saintly, but...
Natalie: Liam doesn't care about DNA!
Translation: John, even Liam is morally superior to you! He totally understands how science and biology work and I've given him a heads-up about the whole paternity situation, and he's totally still on board with you as daddy! So come on home!
I really have no idea why that argument didn't totally change John's mind.
Natalie: He wants two parents that love each other and that love him!
Translation: Liam is so the biggest Jolie 'shipper in town. You don't even know. He is seriously invested in our relationship status. He told me he wants us both in his MyFace "family." He may have me and Brody, two parents who totally love him, but he is seriously opposed to being raised in a broken home. He's only interested in a different set of two parents and they have to be in a relationship or else his life is ruined! I suppose I could tell you that you do seem to still be attached to Liam and suggest that we maybe work out some arrangement where you still get to spend time with him, but that really only works for me if you take me back. Package deal! YOU ARE BEING SO UNREASONABLE, IT WAS SUCH A TINY LIE! YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE SECRETLY WISTFUL ABOUT IT! YOU'RE SO OVERREACTING TO THE FACT THAT I WAS PLANNING TO PASS OFF ANOTHER MAN'S BABY AS YOURS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! Sheesh.
Natalie: You're either Liam's father or you're not.
Hey, Nat? I think he went with Option B. Like a while back.
And look. The oh-so-subtle hints of late have made it pretty clear that Marty actually switched the tests and that John is really the father (oh, joy), but according to the information they all have right now? Brody is Liam's father. Brody has stepped up and is very much involved. There are two parents. Is Natalie's desire that Brody just drop out of the picture and Liam calls John daddy because at one time it was what she and John wanted? I don't even get how she thinks that arrangment would work.
I'm also clueless as to what John meant yesterday about how he keeps trying to go "resolve" this situation. Ass. I'm pretty sure he resolved it when he told Natalie they were done. If he wants to have some relationship with Liam regardless, he has made absolutely no indications that this is so. I am seriously dreading the big reveal we obviously have coming because (a) it doesn't change anything about Natalie/John even though we all know it will and (b) poor Brody.
Meanwhile over at Serenity Springs, Ford walked in on Cutter and Tess fooling around and told Cutter to back off and...
Ford: Unless you want me to go tell Joey that you've been messing with his mentally ill sister again!
So, let me get this straight, Ford. You think messing with mentally ill women is wrong? I'm just making sure. Because, you know, I think it's wrong. But doing it? IS YOUR PURPOSE ON THIS SHOW.
I guess he should have clarified that he just thinks other people messing with mentally ill women is wrong, but when he does it? IT'S FOR HIS SONNNNN!
And then finally over at Statesville Correctional Facility, when Rama asked her husband Vimal if he'd found any friends or anyone to talk to in prison...
Vimal: Some have tried, but I don't think they have my best interests at heart.
Tiny, innocent, boyish Vimal. In prison. I'd say he's drawing the right conclusions. I mean come on, I saw Oz.