In honor of today's crazypants episode, I'm going all stream-of-consciousness on you kind people. Let's see what those kooky folks at One Life to Live have going on for us today...
Oh dear. Viki's in some sort of an attic. Is it a subconsciousness attic? The music suggests it's No Good. She finds it familiar. And is displeased.
Tess doesn't speak bimbo. I'm confused. Isn't that kind of her whole deal?
Niki's changing into Viki in the courtroom bathroom. Might she have considered doing that before entering the courthouse?
Viki can see Niki in a mirror in her soul-mirror, and her voice is echoing. She really means business when she echoes, because she's not a fan of Echoes. (Sorry, I had to.)
Niki's having a lengthy conversation with herself in the mirror. Is this a traditional symptom of D.I.D. alters? Talking to oneself incessantly.
Oh Jean's here. We know because she has glasses on and used the word "caterwauling" in her first line of dialogue. She has keys. Because she's the gatekeeper. Zuul and Sigourney Weaver are way more fun than Jean, as gatekeepers go.
Why does everyone spend so much time manhandling Tess? Joey now does so and this offends Ford, because Ford is nothing if not chivalrous and honorable on behalf of all women everywhere. I swoon.
Wait, Viki gave Niki the gatekeeper key? It seems like they should've made duplicates. It's only a dollar each, and sometimes the guy at the hardware store by me doesn't even bother charging.
And Niki-as-Viki is upon us.
Oh good, there's a new Cougar Town tonight! I wonder if they'll drink any red wine. I know I will.
Joey and Natalie have more brains today than they have in ages. Perhaps they should team up more often.
You know, Erika Slezak is just good, y'all. When you see Viki and Jean and Niki all in one episode, you really see what she's going for when she plays an integrated Viki -- she really is an amalgamation of bits and pieces of her alters. The writers and portrayer of Jess should take notes.
Joey's trying to get through to his mother, and now I'm trying to remember his history with Viki's alters. Considering about eleven actors have played the role, it's hard to reach into the memory bank with any real accuracy.
Wait, they got a new judge on the day of the final decision? I am super-confused.
Oh, so now Natalie and Joey are buying Niki's act?
Is it just Niki and Jean today? No brief visits with Tommy or Princess? Tori? Victor Lord (not the real guy, but the version she channels)?
Okay, so Niki-as-Viki is no longer pursuing custody of Ryder. And Viki finds the mirror that gives her access to Natalie and Joey, whatever that means. Anyway, somehow this helps Joey realize the obvious and announce it in court. And, Niki's outed. This is just ridiculous in every possible way, but Slezak is awesomely hilarious so I'm not complaining about the entertainment.
Oh dear. Somehow the jingling of the keys in the soul-attic makes Niki turn into Jean. Now Niki's in the attic and... oh my. There's a hair situation.
And everyone in the courtroom is just exhausted by it when they realize Jean has emerged. Somehow the judge is actually continuing the hearing and asking Jean questions about how she is with children. Seriously. Seriously. The judge is challenging an alter's ability to love. An alter. And while Jean is espousing her knowledge and research in the field of child-rearing, Viki chases Niki around in the soul attic. And Jean passes out and returns to have a chat with Niki in said soul attic. My head hurts. I wonder if there are a bunch of women in there with crazy hair and seventies clothes battling it out for me, but not many names really rhyme with Louise, so it seems unlikely.
The judge just said they're going to take a recess until "Jean or whoever she is has recovered." A recess. As if they're just going to resume court in a few minutes. The judge isn't willing to oversee proceedings with an unconscious woman, but a series of alters? No problem-o.
Okay, so Natalie and Joey get Viki to start coming to, just as Viki delivers a fancypants monologue to her alters inside the soul attic. This speech was definitely the point of the anniversary episode for Slezak, and it honors Viki's history nicely (and is sweetly hyperbolic and silly, and would probably make a much smaller lump in my throat if it weren't for... well, you know the damn situation):
Viki: As if you two could finish me off. I had a weak moment, that's all it was. The loss of another marriage, a man I thought I could trust. Yes, yes, it threw me seeing Echo in Charlie's arms, and I'm only human. And Clint playing God destroying our daughter's happiness, and Tess coming back to torment us, and Natalie -- all I ever wanted for Natalie was to see her happily married to the man she loves, and look what happened instead. Oh yes, I faltered. So what? I admit it. Despite all the marriages and the deaths and the shattering losses of the men I loved, a child, my beloved mother who left me far too soon, and despite my father, who betrayed my trust in the worst way imaginable -- despite all of that, no, because of it, because of everything I have suffered, I am stronger than you, than all of you. I have survived and I will continue to survive and I will walk through hellfire if my children need me. Joey, Natalie, Jessica, I'm coming back, I promise you. I will never allow Niki or Jean or any of them to take my place in the world. Yes, I share aspects of their characters. But I'm better than you, Niki. You're selfish and you're sloppy and you're devious. (to Jean) And I'm better than you, with your cool precision and your relentless logic. I am a whole person and I deserve to be with be with the people I love. There's no more hiding, there's no time for that now. I have my one life and I intend to keep living it... now.
But...it's not fair. I need Viki to be living past January. Ouch.
Oh and the little bumper at the commercial break was a lovely collage of Viki photos from over the years. Okay, yep, lump: meet throat. I am such a sucker!
Congratulations on forty years at One Life to Live, Erika Slezak. You freakin' rock!