Why So Happy? (or Yay So Crazy!)
First of all, "John and I, we created a baby together, so if anyone is gonna make dinner with him, IT'S ME!" is one the greatest "she's gone mad!" lines on any soap ever, but if you thought that was as good as Marty was going to get yesterday, she followed it up with a tirade about artichokes about how Kelly's trying to buy John's love with expensive steak and fancy beer and then broke a bottle and... just, seriously, people, if you've lost faith in this show you need to check out Marty's awesome breakdown (directed at Kelly) yesterday.
Kelly's facial expression of "Oh. Right. Got it. I'm not actually in the middle of a catfight over some guy. I'm in the middle of CRAZYTOWN, USA and I am Enemy #1." was spectacular.
In fact, Gina Tognoni really has mastered the "Oh, this just turned into something completely else from the thing I sure did think it was" look in general. (Also? Kelly's "Stop it. Stop it! Stop it. Stop it. You are stopping it!" got a rewind from me, twice.)
I am going to retract my words of a couple weeks ago when I said Susan Haskell is probably pissed that this is how they're sending her off. Because, really?
I don't question that she's obviously not pleased to be nearing unemployment, but this? Oh. She's loving this. And so am I.
After Natalie hilariously took the better part of an episode and a half starting and stopping a tape in which Marty confesses to having swapped Liam's paternity results, Natalie was thrilled to learn that Liam is really John's biological son. But here's my question: Why is this good news?
Why be thrilled to be forever connected to this man who acts like she's essentially worthless?
Why be thrilled to be forever connected to a man she didn't have faith would understand why she had a one-night stand when she was perfectly single?
Why is she acting like this means they'll get back together? John broke up with her because she lied about something egregious, and this doesn't change that.
Obviously John should know the truth. This is his kid. But shouldn't she be less elated to hear that the dude who really, really wants a kid whether it's biologically his or not and has stepped up for Liam, Ryder, and Bree ('member her?) is not the father? (Though I did appreciate that she worried about how crushed he'll be.)
Seriously, the look on her face was all, "Yay, I didn't lie after all!" Which, come on now. Sure you did, Nat. And John has moved on, developed feelings for someone else, and written Natalie and her son off completely. And you know? I don't blame him. He did what most people would do. I hardly expected him to be all, "Oh, you mean you lied that I was the father and basically the vast majority of this go-round of our relationship has been based on you tricking me into this family? Well, I did bond with the baby for like three weeks, so we might as well stay a family!" So why would he now be all, "Oh, you mean you only thought you were lying to me about being the father and essentially tricking me into the family? No biggie! All is forgiven, let's get back together!"
All this means is John has a son. And Brody doesn't. I can't in a million years figure out how this would or should change anyone's relationship status, but of course we all know it will -- if not right away, it certainly will eventually. Because this is a soap opera and children are currency for looooove.
I will, of course, eat my words if this leads to a lovely, adult discussion about shared custody and how to get past the various hurts and betrayals to effectively co-parent a child. But you know, not likely.
It's seriously torture to watch Natalie turn so pathetic over ass-tastic John McBain and Marty turn insane over ass-tastic John McBain and Kelly... well, no, as I've said before, McBain is still a step up from screwing one's stepson. But why aren't women battling it out over Brody? Or over... crap, it's not exactly an embarrassment of riches in terms of great men on this show, is it? Then why can't we have a story with men battling it out over one of the women (...cue Howarth's return? please?)? And hey, Cristian's still single! WHY DOES NO ONE NOTICE THIS?
Oh well. Destiny out! (of virginity?)