With Whom May I Register A Complaint?
I mean, seriously, this episode started out trying to make me burst into tears by having Blair "rehearsing" the old Peabo Bryson One Life to Live theme song and getting choked up on the line "there's always tomorrow" and saying it was too sad. BECAUSE THERE IS NO LONGER ALWAYS TOMORROW. Ouch. Okay, so they got me. And I do have to say that it's nice to know we are officially seeing the post-cancellation episodes now; that's clear. Wait, that didn't come out right. There's nothing nice about the cancellation. It's just that there's been so much speculation on whether what we're seeing was taped before or after April 14th, so from here on out we have free reign to say, "Wha? They're doing this when they know the end is near?!"
Because... wha? They're doing this when they know the end is near?! And by "this," I of course mean this:
Aww. Look! Ford volunteers in the children's wing of the hospital and he goes there all the time and the kids just love him. And he wears his big hot dog costume because it's so charming and adorable. You've got to be fucking kidding me. He volunteers with sick children! Does he take bullets for puppies, too? Drive for Meals-on-Wheels? Did he do a Peace Corps stint while we weren't looking? You know, it actually is possible to be a father who actually does love his child without having to turn into a saint. I'd accept that he's a player who's trying to not be such a dick anymore and who actually does want to be a good father if they told that story with any sort of reasonable pacing and actually bothered with the necessary steps (though I'd likely find it impossible to ever warm up to the actor as he just plain does nothing for me). But none of that has happened. It was an overnight turnaround and now they are laying it on so ridiculously thick that it's no longer funny. It seriously makes my skin crawl -- mostly because I'm embarrassed for the show.
Ford: I guess I've never treated women right. When I was first with my ex, she was fragile and I took advantage of that. Got her pregnant... I guess I don't have much of a defense. I was a jerk for a long time. But I am trying to change.
Gag me with a freaking machete. Also, his "ex" is a symptom of a disorder and not a person and he was never with her. As far as Jess is concerned, well, we all know that he sexually violated her, so it's just darling to listen to him feel bad about it as if what he did to her was no worse than what he did to Langston. And are we supposed to somehow be charmed that his "game" with women isn't good anymore and that he can just so adorably and sheepishly admit it? (And I'm not going to even get into the fact that his most recent actions against Jessica -- deliberately keeping the mother of his child [who is in danger when exposed to Tess or any other alter, make no mistake] from getting the psychiatric care she so desperately needs because his own personal and financial gain was more important -- are remaining totally and utterly unaddressed by anyone on the show and are conveniently absent from Ford's recent alleged self-awareness and self-recrimination for past deeds.)
Also embarrassing for the show is the never-ending D.I.D. nonsense. Today gave us the return of Bess. I know that the show changes the rules of D.I.D. based on the day's plot point, but apparently they continue to expect me to believe that not only is there always a ponytail holder and a spare set of glasses available every single time Bess emerges, but her eyes magically adjust to someone else's glasses prescription!
That Bess, she's amazing! I guess in some way it was a relief that Bess came out because she actually does have practical interest in doing right by Jessica and Brody did get to appeal to her today by mentioning Jessica's children (plural!), but it lasted all of four minutes and Tess came right back out. Aren't we so lucky? Now she and Ford can move forward with their delightfully appalling "love story."
Viki and Clint and Bo and Nora and Matthew and Todd(?) and Blair and Starr were all perfectly lovely today and I'm actually usually pretty good at compartmentalizing these storylines and being able to enjoy the good ones even when they're on episodes with horrible ones but today's crap with Robert Ford was just so gross that it was hard to sit on this couch without wondering why I didn't have a bucket nearby. Dammit. And go figure, since that damn bucket was what started this whole Ford torture chamber to begin with.
I need a slightly over-full glass of wine. Or two.