A List Of Things I Couldn't Possibly Care Less About, In Brief, Part I
1. The stupid tape of Marty's therapy session on which she reveals that John is really Liam's father. They can go ahead and stop having all the near-misses with it and the dramatic close-ups. Why in the world is paternity the thing we're supposed to care about now? Both possible fathers are cops who are actively engaged in the search for baby Liam. The tape only has paternity information on it -- could they please stop following it around with the camera acting as if this will magically give them clues to Marty's whereabouts? It won't. I understand why the characters on the show think it might, but we know it won't. Because it won't. Who freaking cares who a missing child's bio-father is (or is not) while it's missing. Find the kid! Who cares that Marty switched the tests and who cares that Natalie and Brody kissed? What is it about "missing baby, held by knife-wielding lunatic who, when motivated enough, has the strength to lift an actual car" is confusing here? Am I supposed to be upset that Roxy hasn't listened to the tape and might tape over it? I'M NOT. (Of course, once they find the kid, I still won't really want the tape to be heard because it's stupidly going to lead to a bunch of inexplicable insta-forgiveness -- which is silly since Natalie needs to be available for Cristian or a resurrected Jared, obviously. I fully admit that. But for now, it's for practical reasons that I just do not give a shit.)
2. What Roger Howarth's Todd does or has to do to get back to Llanview. Just get him back to Llanview!
That is my list. Thank you for your time.