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« Asshole, PA (or The Day Vimal Got Hot) | Main | The Worst Part of a Horrible Thing »

June 29, 2011

Another Day, Another List Of Unanswerable Questions

I know that the answer to each and every question that follows is "because the General Hospital writing staff maps out plotlines by saying 'and then this will happen because...it sounds awesome'" and that sitting down and expecting sense or, like, a point on this show (at least for the time being--I'm legitimately considering throwing a party to celebrate Garin Wolf's first episode. I just need a clever ruse, because "celebrating the tenure of a new soap writer" is seriously embarrassing) is a losing game, but I am confounded, people. CONFOUNDED.

REALLY, Michael?

Michael: The worst thing that happened to me growing up was a custody fight between Mom and Dad.

THAT is the lowlight of a life that has been filled with grief, tragedy, and crime? You've been kidnapped, witnessed the deaths of all sorts of friends and families and nannies, were the prime suspect in your biological father's murder, you shot a woman and you also got shot in the head before you turned 13. The worst thing that happened to you is EVERYTHING. Please, dial the smug back a notch or six and kindly stop lecturing Jax on custody settlements.

...um. Lulu in the bordello*: why?

I know, I know, it's because the show likes to objectify women and put them in positions where they can easily be victimized but really, what is the point of this whole plot tangent? As soon as she found out Luke wasn't there, shouldn't she have left? It seems so...exploitative.

Javier: You'll smile and say thank you when they stuff bills in your panties. You'll do what I say when I say it with no more talk about it.

Full body shudder.

* I vastly prefer the term "bordello" to "whorehouse", which they used about a dozen times in an episode last week. Also, bordello always makes me think, randomly, of a passage in Starring Sally J. Freedman as Herself where Sally's father describes their lavender and black tiled basement as being reminiscent of a bordello. Although, to be fair, a lot of things make me think of Judy Blume books)

How are they going to wrap up Nikolas's arc and his part in the paternity story in approximately four minutes?

Tyler Christopher's last airdate is this week, which means that the show has a whole lot of story to tell if--I was going to finish that sentence with "if they are at all invested in giving a legacy character a proper sendoff", but then I realized how patently absurd that is, because the writers are not. I wouldn't be surprised to tune in Friday to see Lucky telling Liz, "Hey, Nik just texted me: NVM, Aiden is prob urs. In Greece for a bit, TTYL!"

Did anybody else yell at their screen "Yeah, like giving in to a deadly tumor, forsaking their son, family and friends, because sex with a ghost is just that good"?

Nikolas: You're grieving. When you're grieving, people do things that they wouldn't normally do otherwise.

Will Carly EVER realize the disservice she did to Michael?

Carly: I've made plenty of mistakes since, but that night, I made the right choice.

Probably not, right? Unless Michael finally collapses under the weight of his past traumas and inherited sociopathic character traits and violently murders her. But even then, her last thought would probably be "Damn you, Quartermaine DNA!"

Was it really necessary to spend quite so much time on Jason's reaction to Aiden's paternity which, remember, has absolutely nothing to do with him?

Also, what the hell?

Elizabeth: Do you believe me?
Sam: Yeah, I do. And I know Jason will, too.

Bizarre, right? Although it did seem to give Liz some peace of mind. I guess having the support--or support by proxy--of the local deity must be sort of soothing...


No comment on the Spencer home being turned into a bordello (if I missed this in an earlier post my apology)?

I think they are having Lulu work in a place revolving around sex, much to her discomfort, as some kind of meta comment on JMB's raging anti-chemistry with every man she's shared a scene with over the years.

I do not want Liz telling her personal business to Sam. Yes, Liz forgave the woman that wanted a baby dead, but having these two all buddy buddy when I watched all the of the dirty things that Sam did four years ago is stupid. By the way, why does TPTB need Liz to pimp JaSam?

Lulu is an idiot. Luke is a raging drunk who will show up back in the Fall after TG completes his vacation with no repercussions at all in driving drunk and killing a four year old. GH is rage inducing at it's best.

With Tyler Christopher leaving this week something tells me Aiden is going to disappear with Nik.

@Dawn That's been my suspicion to, that Nik will take off with Aiden. But I keep asking myself "Would they do that to Liz just after losing Jake?" And my other voice in my mind says "This is Guza still. Yes." Had they just not killed Jake, having Nik take off with Aiden *might* have been a compelling story if done right. But it just feels like overkill now. Couldn't even blame Liz if she went off the deep end at that point.

@ Dawn, I thought that Nik was going to kidnap Aiden and then u know, the usual- Lucky and Liz go off looking for him and ( HOPEFULLY) fall back in love ( cuz I'm a sucker for Liz and Lucky together- why is Siobahn even...?) .. but I didn't realise Tyler Christopher's last air date was this week.

So does that mean they're going to find Aiden with Helena and a text from Nik like Mallory said, but saying "Hey guys, left Aiden with my grandma, try getting him from her if u dare, I'm out!" ?? I honestly thought.. we'd get a storyline where Nik kidnaps him, Nik gets redeemed cuz everyone understands and then he leaves, or dies or ends up in a coma or shadybrook... What could possibly happen now, other than Mallory's text idea...?

If you guys couldn't tell that's the only part of GH I'm interested in, I ff through the rest because... what. the. hell.

Lol at Mallory's comment about Liz wanting approval by proxy of the local Diety because it's soothing, WTF doesn't even begin to cover that one!

Althought I've been FF'ing Lulu at the "bordello," my guess is the whole reason she's still there is so she can pretend to be a hooker and Dante will be her "test client" and he can rescue her and whacky hijinks will ensue.

I too yelled at my TV about Nikolas's "Emily tumor." Yes Nikolas, people do crazy things when grieving.

And Michael really needs to get a grip on reality. I can't believe what is coming out of people's mouths in the waning days of Guza's regime. Any tiny shred of continuity and logic is totally gone. Maybe Guza knew what was coming and this was his way of messing with us one last time. Almost everything is a WTF moment.

does TC have a new job that requires a moustache?

I guffawed with gusto at Sam's line about Jason believing Liz. Cause, you know, Jasus' good opinion is what counts!

So much of this show fits the category of "you know it's coming, but still can't help cringing when it does."

I have not a clue what the hell Sam or Jason have to do with Aiden. Although Jason did get this faraway look as if to say, "Lucky had a child with someone else? We can make it work as long as we're together"--sniffle. It was just weird, unnecessary, and beyond stupid. I also don't need a spin on what happened five years ago. I remember it all, so Elizabeth blaming herself while perfect people deigned to give her mercy was just ridiculous. This mess was something that was done to her as well. Not just Lucky and Nik.

Michael is useless and had I known what the future would hold back when that turd was born, I would've walked away then. The nerve of him trying to step to Jax and tell him about parenting.

Carly is just disgusting. Jason disagrees with her that AJ destroyed himself and no one else did it. Naturally, she amends that, of course, Alan and Edward are partly to blame. Of course. It had nothing at all to do with her. I've never seen anyone try so hard to avoid blame for anything. She wrecked that man's sobriety and it all went to hell from there. I don't get how anyone can look at Michael and declare keeping the Qs out was the right decision. She's afraid Eward will put his own spin on things? Kind of like how they did with AJ all Michael's life? Karma's hounds are on Carly's heels and she knows it.

Lulu @ the bordello = ...

Am I the only one who LOVED Michael months back when he struggled with what happened in prison? He was compelling and heart-wrenching. Now? Please. So many job offers, what do I do?? Guza found a way to make me love and then loathe him.

Honestly, I went through a variety of WTF, 'Oh,come on', and my jaw dropping on the floor at what took place on the show. Like seriously with the Elizabeth and Sam scene. I was in disbelief that they actually went there with Elizabeth confiding in Sam of all people about her situation with Aiden. They aren't even acquaintances and its still up in the air on whether Elizabeth even likes Sam or just tolerated her because Jason was back with her and Jake was Jason's son. That scene was so damn contrived and the only thing I could come up with was that the writers were trying to say 'see, Sam isn't a pointless character who's up Jason's behind 24/7 and her butt isn't permantly glued to that couch at his PH'. Then we got into the dialogue and that really had me RME. GH really kills me how they tap dance around all that Sam has done to Elizabeth and her children and other people and just let her brush it off as 'I've lied too' and I'm not talking about just her watching Jake get kidnapped or the gunmen in the park, but I'm talking about Sam constantly in Elizabeth's face judging and threatening her, berating her over her dead friend's body, pondering if she's going to falsely accuse her of hitting her with a car and I don't even want to get into the whole Jax's dad, Sonny/Jax baby, wanting to threaten a teenage mother/grandmother to get Hope and of course wanting Alexis to leave Krissy/Molly motherless. Because in the city of Port Charles, Sam's misdeeds are a no-no to mention once they've happened and when mentioned are heavily glossed over. Then to sit there and have Elizabeth tell Sam that she was the least judgemental person she knows was just laughable when we had to endure Sam do nothing but judge not only Elizabeth but many people for years. Then we have Elizabeth ask Sam if she believed her, I was just like since when did Elizabeth ever gave a damn on whether Sam believes her or ever looked for Sam's approval on anything. Then the scene really got pointless when we had to endure the dumbest advice ever from Sam and she does give doozies, but to tell a mother to do nothing about a situation that involves her child but let the men-folk handle it was a big doozie. And then I finally figured it out. That this was a way for Jason to know about Aiden without realElizabeth and Jason sharing screen time because I guess they have filled their quota for the year of Elizabeth/Jason scenes. Now why Jason has to know about Aiden, I don't know. Why it had to be Sam telling him instead of his new BFF Lucky (yes, I'm being sarcastic), probably because we weren't tortured enough and it was a way for Sam to bring up her non-existant baby and her non-existant pregnancy for the 50,000th time. And did anyone else catch on how she embellished her interaction with Elizabeth where Elizabeth first offered her anything she wanted then took it away (and we saw that scene and we know it didn't happen) and then made these great assumptions because now I guess Sam is Elizabeth's mind reader. BTW: GH spoilers need to stop giving out what characters feel and let the viewers judge on their own. Because seriously, when did cool ever mean happy? And just exactly what was Jason cool about? Question was how did he feel when she told him they were giving her a pregnancy test. After long pauses and some major thinking, Jason says cool. And my question was cool about what? That she was getting a pregnancy test and that he already knew the pregnancy test was negativo because it was never established and still haven't been fully established that they even had sex. But I would think that a man that thought it was too strenuous for her to go on a stakeout would think it was too strenuous to have sex. But then again what do I know.

The Carly stuff. Just no words except that she lives up to her selfishness and re-writing her misdeeds in history. What I was delighted about is the fact Jason was showing some major regrets about what he did with to the Q's and how he..wait for it..wait for it...JUDGED them.

Now the Nikolas/Lucky thing. I'm trying to care. I really am, but considering these two men have shown many times how they will place a woman over a child and in Nikolas case a brain tumor, I really can't even get into their plight about Aiden. Especially Nikolas part in this. I tried to understand the anger and him thinking that Elizabeth is lying but I can't because I'm still not convinced that he gives a damn about Aiden and I have examples on my misgivings. When Elizabeth came back from Sarah's, Nikolas was afforded one day a week with his son. He agreed to this with no objections and it made me pause at how nonchalant he was at the lack of time he was going to be spending with his new son. Then we watched Elizabeh rake him over the coals about how he would rather spend time with his POA Brooklyn then his son considering he constantly left Aiden with the nanny on his one day a week visit he has with him because he supposedly had these 'business meetings' that he and Brooklyn had to go to. But now I'm supposed to believe that he's that in love with Aiden. And poor Spencer is still an afterthought to Nikolas much like Cameron is an afterthought to Lucky. Yes it was truly a day of WTF with GH and it must end.

And there I go getting long again, but this damn show makes you write long rants.

I know Lulu isn't really a hooker, but... LULU IS A HOOKER!11!!! Where is Aunt Bobbie when you need her to come slap her idiot niece? Oh, that's right, she's just a name on an intercom now, echoing about the halls of General Hospital like a ghost. What in the blue hells, people? And you just know she'll either fall in love with the skeevy pimp or Jason will come swooping in to save her when a trick tries to get fresh or something equally revolting. Boy howdy, Guza sure is going out with a bang (of misogynistic sleeze)!

I find it hilarious how one little scene with sam and liz could get so many people's panties in a bunch. I thought it showed maturity on both their parts. In a way I am glad because it is generating some buzz for GH, and we need that now. Plus JaSam where trending on twitter worldwide last night :)

@ Kermitklein: YOU ARE MY HERO. This beautiful post after the post on Lucky a few weeks back has left me in awe. You put the rage I feel at GH into poignant statements. Cheers to you!

Janet B., I had the same thoughts about Guza when he burned down Laura's house, and the Scorpio's house too.Then, he uses Laura's house set for the whorehouse! He was symbolically spitting one last time on the history of legacy characters that everyone loved and he hated, merely because he didn't create them. His giant ego couldn't stand for that. I cannot wait for his reign of terror over GH to be over.

This crap with Lulu has finally broken me, I no longer bother to watch. I can't take it anymore, I have better things to do than sit there yelling at my tv. If I keep watching I feel it means that I may have serious mental issues. I'll come back when the new writer's stuff begins airing. That's the only thing keeping me from completely tearing my hair out, knowing that at least this shit (and I'm being charitable calling it that) will be over next month.

Can. Not.

I'll add to the list of unanswerable questions: out of all of the people at the hospital, really, the only people capable of investigating Siobhan's surgery is...the surgeon's BROTHER and his wife?? Really? Could Steve have chosen two people with more conflicts of interest?

Web sites frequently shut down after

savings from winding down combat operations in Iraq and Afghanistan.

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