Another Day, Another List Of Unanswerable Questions
I know that the answer to each and every question that follows is "because the General Hospital writing staff maps out plotlines by saying 'and then this will happen because...it sounds awesome'" and that sitting down and expecting sense or, like, a point on this show (at least for the time being--I'm legitimately considering throwing a party to celebrate Garin Wolf's first episode. I just need a clever ruse, because "celebrating the tenure of a new soap writer" is seriously embarrassing) is a losing game, but I am confounded, people. CONFOUNDED.
Michael: The worst thing that happened to me growing up was a custody fight between Mom and Dad.
THAT is the lowlight of a life that has been filled with grief, tragedy, and crime? You've been kidnapped, witnessed the deaths of all sorts of friends and families and nannies, were the prime suspect in your biological father's murder, you shot a woman and you also got shot in the head before you turned 13. The worst thing that happened to you is EVERYTHING. Please, dial the smug back a notch or six and kindly stop lecturing Jax on custody settlements.
...um. Lulu in the bordello*: why?
I know, I know, it's because the show likes to objectify women and put them in positions where they can easily be victimized but really, what is the point of this whole plot tangent? As soon as she found out Luke wasn't there, shouldn't she have left? It seems so...exploitative.
Javier: You'll smile and say thank you when they stuff bills in your panties. You'll do what I say when I say it with no more talk about it.
Full body shudder.
* I vastly prefer the term "bordello" to "whorehouse", which they used about a dozen times in an episode last week. Also, bordello always makes me think, randomly, of a passage in Starring Sally J. Freedman as Herself where Sally's father describes their lavender and black tiled basement as being reminiscent of a bordello. Although, to be fair, a lot of things make me think of Judy Blume books)
How are they going to wrap up Nikolas's arc and his part in the paternity story in approximately four minutes?
Tyler Christopher's last airdate is this week, which means that the show has a whole lot of story to tell if--I was going to finish that sentence with "if they are at all invested in giving a legacy character a proper sendoff", but then I realized how patently absurd that is, because the writers are not. I wouldn't be surprised to tune in Friday to see Lucky telling Liz, "Hey, Nik just texted me: NVM, Aiden is prob urs. In Greece for a bit, TTYL!"
Did anybody else yell at their screen "Yeah, like giving in to a deadly tumor, forsaking their son, family and friends, because sex with a ghost is just that good"?
Nikolas: You're grieving. When you're grieving, people do things that they wouldn't normally do otherwise.
Will Carly EVER realize the disservice she did to Michael?
Carly: I've made plenty of mistakes since, but that night, I made the right choice.
Probably not, right? Unless Michael finally collapses under the weight of his past traumas and inherited sociopathic character traits and violently murders her. But even then, her last thought would probably be "Damn you, Quartermaine DNA!"
Was it really necessary to spend quite so much time on Jason's reaction to Aiden's paternity which, remember, has absolutely nothing to do with him?
Also, what the hell?
Elizabeth: Do you believe me?
Sam: Yeah, I do. And I know Jason will, too.
Bizarre, right? Although it did seem to give Liz some peace of mind. I guess having the support--or support by proxy--of the local deity must be sort of soothing...