Serial Drama

All Of These Actors Deserve a Raise, Seriously

Poor Ingo Rademacher.

Sure, he's not the only person to have a job that basically consists of doing the same exact thing three times a week, every week, since the late 90s. He's not even the only person on General Hospital who has that kind of job! But STILL! What must it be like to open a script, read a mildly reworded version of the same sentence you've been saying for years, say that sentence with gusto, rarely phoning it in, and then get fired?!

Jax: Sonny and Jason are dangerous.
Olivia (who, really, should be better than this. She shouldn't even be able to say Sonny's name without choking on rage because she should still be--rightly!--appalled and horrified and furious about the the time he SHOT HER UNARMED SON IN THE CHEST. But no, she defends him. Why? I don't know. Because the writers are creatively bankrupt, mostly. Ugh. Will I ever be over this? If Dante is, I probably should be. This is a very long parenthetical notation, isn't it?): Okay, I don't want to quibble over semantics, Jax. Their business is dangerous. They themselves are not. That's a very important distinction.

They, the mafia boss and his loyal hitman who we have both seen kill and/or wound on-screen (people and glass stemware alike), are not dangerous. THE BUSINESS is dangerous, but they are not. The weapons they carry and the targets on the heads of everyone who interacts with them are also not a danger. I wonder if this also means that Anthony Zacchara is not dangerous and if he, too, is just an innocent bystander who happens to be stuck in a dangerous world?

This effing show.

A List Of Things I Couldn't Possibly Care Less About, In Brief, Part I

1. The stupid tape of Marty's therapy session on which she reveals that John is really Liam's father. They can go ahead and stop having all the near-misses with it and the dramatic close-ups. Why in the world is paternity the thing we're supposed to care about now? Both possible fathers are cops who are actively engaged in the search for baby Liam. The tape only has paternity information on it -- could they please stop following it around with the camera acting as if this will magically give them clues to Marty's whereabouts? It won't. I understand why the characters on the show think it might, but we know it won't. Because it won't. Who freaking cares who a missing child's bio-father is (or is not) while it's missing. Find the kid! Who cares that Marty switched the tests and who cares that Natalie and Brody kissed? What is it about "missing baby, held by knife-wielding lunatic who, when motivated enough, has the strength to lift an actual car" is confusing here? Am I supposed to be upset that Roxy hasn't listened to the tape and might tape over it? I'M NOT. (Of course, once they find the kid, I still won't really want the tape to be heard because it's stupidly going to lead to a bunch of inexplicable insta-forgiveness -- which is silly since Natalie needs to be available for Cristian or a resurrected Jared, obviously. I fully admit that. But for now, it's for practical reasons that I just do not give a shit.)

Dun dun DUNH.

2. What Roger Howarth's Todd does or has to do to get back to Llanview. Just get him back to Llanview!

That is my list. Thank you for your time.

Begrudging Props For A Wholly Unexpected Source

In the grammatically tortured words of Paul McCartney, it's an ever changing world in which we live in and, for that reason, I cling to the comfort of things I know I can count on for certain. Most of those things come from General Hospital, since it hasn't changed for the better part of a decade and a half. And yes, that is epically frustrating in its own way, but I have to admit that when life goes topsy turvy and I don't even know which way is up, it's sort of nice to turn on GH and know for sure that things haven't changed. That Sonny will say something self-absorbed and douchey. That the camera will linger on Steve Burton's face as Jason does something heroic and/or selfless. That Abby will blandly offer Michael platitudes and smile wanly. "

And then a day like today comes and everything goes LOCO! Abby, who we've all come to know and abhor as a simple-minded girl with a horrible taste in boys, started thinking for herself and making sense and having a point and LOGIC and my mind is BLOWN!

Abby: I don't want anything to do with the mob. I don't want to be surrounded by the violence. Or the risk of going to prison. I have no doubt in my mind that your dad and Jason are honorable men, but they are exceptions to the rule. Most mobsters are more like Brandon and I ended things with him because I promised a better life for myself.
Michael: Abby, I can give you a better life. 
Abby: No, not like this. The danger is over, Michael. I'm practically cleared. I want to get out of this before anything starts back up again. I'm asking you to forget about the mob. For me.
Michael: Look, Abby, please don't do this. Please don't be another person in my life who's telling me what to do.
Abby: I have to be honest with you and to myself. If you work with Johnny, I can't be with you. I'm sorry.
Michael: I can't lose you. I love you.
Abby: You don't have to lose me.
Michael: Trust me, okay? Just trust me that I know what I'm doing.
Abby: If it means you working for Johnny, you need to leave.
Michael: I love you but I can't let you control me.

My first reaction, which I practically shouted out loud to my living room, was...well, it was actually, "Michael, you are a tool". But my second reaction was "You go, girl!" which was surprising to me both because it's a quote best left in the late 90s and also, it was directed at ABBY! Abby, who has displayed the intellectual curiosity of a garden gnome and inspired nothing but eyerolls and vitriol since her second appearance. Abby! She was allowed to take an adamantly anti-mob stance and remind Michael that Jason is a hired killer! She put herself first and didn't immediately capitulate to the demands of her teenage boyfriend. Unexpected high fives all around!

Lest you think that the latest GH era is all about CHANGE, this also happened:

Sonny: Why does everything have to be an ultimatum?

Sonny Corinthos, who gives an ultimatum even when he's ordering a latte, petulantly gripes about the unfairness of ultimatums. Self-absorbed and douchey. The world hasn't entirely turned on its axis.

A New Approach (or For The Sake Of My Sanity)

I'm declaring my One Life to Live posts here on Serial Drama a Robert Ford-free zone for the remainder of this week. We'll see if I can stick to it, but it seems like a fun experiment just to see if it enhances my viewing pleasure. (Oh I'll still watch, because it is what I do, but I will ignore it in response. I have no idea if it'll work, and if it'll be possible to discuss other goings-on in Llanview without his polluting them somehow, but here goes nothin'!) Today, I delve into this grand experiment by grounding myself in this brave new world with a simple recap, devoid of any opinions (you believe me, right? Okay, that part might not be part of this project.) and we'll see how it goes. We'll see if this world makes any sense.

We open on Cutter further explaining how he blackmailed the Buchanan estate from Clint in exchange for Jessica. Joey is still shaking his hand, which is aching from the beating he gave Cutter in yesterday's episode. And I say again, isn't Tom Degnan lookin' better these days?

Rex is continuing to yell at Clint, who flatlines. Viki comes in and rushes out to get a doctor as Rex's eyes dart back and forth because... that's kind of his thing. He and Natalie must've gone to some eye-darting classes together in their youth.

Destiny gives Dani and Nate the news that Matthew's surgery didn't go well, just as Bo asks the doctor if she's saying that Matthew is brain-dead.

Credits. Flowing hair! Wind! Charlie. Aw. Oh and, "Created by Agnes Nixon and Destroyed by Brian Frons and Anne Sweeney." (Okay, maybe not that whole thing.)

Deanna is... ugh. Deanna is on the episode. She calls Nate to assure him again that Matthew's going to be fine, since she would totally know.

Destiny tells her pals how rough Matthew looked coming out of surgery, while Bo and Nora get more information from the doctor about their son's condition. The doctor acts a little bit like she's telling them "We can't save that tooth, I'm sorry" rather than "your son's permanently brain-dead." Nora points out that Matthew has beaten the medical odds in the past, and they demand more tests.

The doctors come in to try to revive Clint, so far to no avail. Rex grimaces.

Cutter hasn't wiped off his bloody nose yet, so it's just gross even though he's a pretty boy. He tells Aubrey that he took Clint's house because she and Joey live there, so now he can kick them out. 

Rama: I warned you to be careful with Cutter's heart!

Speculation: Rama tries to get preggers by Cutter to pass it off as Vimal's? Just a thought. Just trying to figure out what her role in all this is and why she's standing by Cutter (other than money, which is of course the primary reason). I was thinking that's what would happen between her and Cris, but maybe now she'll target Cutter? I don't care a lot, but I'm a tad curious what the plan is with her (if there is one?).