This Is Some Seriously Poor Time Management
I feel like this shouldn't even have to be said, because "When you only have a couple of months to wrap up a decades-long show in a satisfying fashion, you maybe shouldn't spend large chunks of episodes focusing on Colby as she sings--or, to be more to the point, 'singing, because that was painful--because what...you know, is the point?" is such a total DUH that any writing and production teamed staffed with breathing human beings would scoff at the very idea, but apparently it does need to be said, based on two full segments of Thursday's All My Children featuring a very detailed look at Natalee Hall's screeching skills.
(Here, I was going to link to a YouTube video of said segments of AMC, but I thought that would be mean to do to my lovely readers. Also, the internet, in a kind and gentle mood, seems to have eaten all evidence that said screeching ever happened)
Aside from that...well, aside from that that happening, AMC did its usual boring thing. There were a few standout moments, though:
- David is a smarmy bastard, isn't he?
David: I guess you're just going to have to take that leap of faith.
Angie: And what if that leap leads to a fall?
David: Consider yourself lucky. At least you won't see the ground coming when it hits you.
On the one hand, that's a pretty horrible thing to say to a blind woman. On the other hand, it made me cackle.
- Apparently, Pine Valley is a land where accidents just don't happen. Car accident? ATTEMPTED MURDER. Stubbing your toe? PART OF AN INSIDIOUS ASSASSINATION PLOT. Much like Aidan's immediate and angry assertion that Ryan and/or Zach were personally responsible for Greenlee's (presumed) death, Ryan has, years later, connected those same dots and arrived at a similar, less Ryan-hating conclusion: David totally did it, you guys! It wasn't Greenlee getting involved in a situation that had absolutely nothing to do with her and hopping on a motorcycle in her wedding dress to meddle like she's Mary Worth; it was ALL DAVID.
Ryan: When Greenlee drove her motorcycle off that cliff, she came back a year later.
Jesse: A resurrection attributed to Hayward.
Ryan: What if that motorcycle accident wasn't exactly an accident?
Jesse: You think he had something to do with it?
Ryan: He just happened to be there to rescue her? The fact that he had her--he gained control over Greelee. He used her to rebuild his entire life, Jesse.
Jesse: You're starting to see a pattern?
Ryan: Don't you?
Do you know how badly I wanted Jesse to respond with, "No, because that's the most fucking asinine thing I've ever heard"?! But he didn't. He totally came around to Sherlock Douche's half-assed and meandering reasoning!
- Could Madison be getting her gumption back? After passing out and being relaxed by Kendall and Griffin, Mads went to sleep peacefully...except for the part where she happily dreamed of strolling into Fusion and shooting Greenlee! If this show had--sob!--more time, I'd eagerly welcome a story about Madison fully embracing her original dark roots, but right now, I just want her to wake up realizing that she wants to get back together with Scott and live happily ever after, together, forever. I'd even accept Colby singing at the wedding reception if that's what it takes for that to happen!*
*Hopefully it doesn't come to that.