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« I Do Not Remember This | Main | Sucks So Good: True Blood 4.1, "She's Not There" »

June 24, 2011

This Is Some Seriously Poor Time Management

I feel like this shouldn't even have to be said, because "When you only have a couple of months to wrap up a decades-long show in a satisfying fashion, you maybe shouldn't spend large chunks of episodes focusing on Colby as she sings--or, to be more to the point, 'singing, because that was painful--because what...you know, is the point?" is such a total DUH that any writing and production teamed staffed with breathing human beings would scoff at the very idea, but apparently it does need to be said, based on two full segments of Thursday's All My Children featuring a very detailed look at Natalee Hall's screeching skills.

(Here, I was going to link to a YouTube video of said segments of AMC, but I thought that would be mean to do to my lovely readers. Also, the internet, in a kind and gentle mood, seems to have eaten all evidence that said screeching ever happened)

Aside from that...well, aside from that that happening, AMC did its usual boring thing. There were a few standout moments, though:

  • David is a smarmy bastard, isn't he?

    David: I guess you're just going to have to take that leap of faith.
    Angie: And what if that leap leads to a fall?
    David: Consider yourself lucky. At least you won't see the ground coming when it hits you.

    On the one hand, that's a pretty horrible thing to say to a blind woman. On the other hand, it made me cackle.
  • Apparently, Pine Valley is a land where accidents just don't happen. Car accident? ATTEMPTED MURDER. Stubbing your toe? PART OF AN INSIDIOUS ASSASSINATION PLOT. Much like Aidan's immediate and angry assertion that Ryan and/or Zach were personally responsible for Greenlee's (presumed) death, Ryan has, years later, connected those same dots and arrived at a similar, less Ryan-hating conclusion: David totally did it, you guys! It wasn't Greenlee getting involved in a situation that had absolutely nothing to do with her and hopping on a motorcycle in her wedding dress to meddle like she's Mary Worth; it was ALL DAVID.

    Ryan: When Greenlee drove her motorcycle off that cliff, she came back a year later.
    Jesse: A resurrection attributed to Hayward.
    Ryan: What if that motorcycle accident wasn't exactly an accident?
    Jesse: You think he had something to do with it?
    Ryan: He just happened to be there to rescue her? The fact that he had her--he gained control over Greelee. He used her to rebuild his entire life, Jesse.
    Jesse: You're starting to see a pattern?
    Ryan: Don't you?

    Do you know how badly I wanted Jesse to respond with, "No, because that's the most fucking asinine thing I've ever heard"?! But he didn't. He totally came around to Sherlock Douche's half-assed and meandering reasoning!
  • Could Madison be getting her gumption back? After passing out and being relaxed by Kendall and Griffin, Mads went to sleep peacefully...except for the part where she happily dreamed of strolling into Fusion and shooting Greenlee! If this show had--sob!--more time, I'd eagerly welcome a story about Madison fully embracing her original dark roots, but right now, I just want her to wake up realizing that she wants to get back together with Scott and live happily ever after, together, forever. I'd even accept Colby singing at the wedding reception if that's what it takes for that to happen!*

*Hopefully it doesn't come to that.

Comments

Color me confused, isn't David Hayward a cardia surgeon? When do Angie's eyes have to do with her heart?

"Do you know how badly I wanted Jesse to respond with, "No, because that's the most fucking asinine thing I've ever heard"?! But he didn't. He totally came around to Sherlock Douche's half-assed and meandering reasoning!"

OMG, Mallory, I couldn't have said it better. I was so mad at Jesse for leaving Angie to go to Ryan. I had to rewind to see what call from the Police Station could be more important than discussing your wife's decision to restore her sight? Granted, it all ties David in to the stories, however, as we've all mentioned before, he can't possibly be responsible for everything that happens in Pine Valley. Mayor Blanco could seriously have his ass fired for using time and money on Ryan and his nutty theories.

As for Colby, I had to totally fast forward through that... what are they thinking when they could have filled that time with real storylines? Did they run out of DK/DS bull and are waiting till Monday to air Agnes and Lorraine's stuff? I honestly cannot wait to see what airs then. Will it be a complete change from the drivel that's been on recently. I am slowly trying to go through withdrawal from my program knowing it is over in almost less than 3 months. This way, I won't have to mourn so much when it is really over. I'm gonna hate it if it gets really good now. Then I'll really have to go through the stages of my soap-ending grief for real.

I loved how genuinely shocked and offended David looked when Angie slapped him. Like he'd never had anyone respond to his button-pushing like that before!

OK, David really is a smarmy bastard when you look at it objectively. But since everyone else in Pine Valley is a self-righteous hypocrite, I find my sympathies usually end up with him over his many nemeses (seriously, doesn't anyone have anything better to do than obsess over David?)

And BTW - Sherlock Douche should win some sort of award for most hilariously apt nickname. Awesome!

Yes to the FF-workout that was Colby. I never even listened to her and she still looked screechy. I have to disagree with you Mal about Madison though. I despised SG as Tammy on GL, and was pleasantly surprised when I tuned back into AMC earlier this year how, well, decent she was as Madison. But lately she's been sinking back into Tammy-levels of annoying and non-acting. Every time she comes onscreen I want to tell her to STFU and get over it (I doubt that's the response they're going for with this grieving mother s/l). She was adorable with Scott though - get them back together ASAP!

Colby's singing was horrible and, once again, I had second-hand embarrassment watching and hearing her. This is one of the down sides to recasts. Just b/c a particular actor sings/"sings", it has to be showcased, even though it has nothing at all to do with the character. That's like Noah being recast on Y&R and suddenly singing and loving music. Then, that actor left, and the previous one returned and whenever he talks about music, it's weird.

See, I haven't actively hated Ryan for a while, but him jumping to conclusions about how David's responsible for all the evil has me going again. I wish Jesse hadn't indulged him.

I loved Madison's dream, but I want her to end up happy with Scott as well. I know Greenlee is the worst and totally agree about shooting her, but she should focus on working it out with Scott. She'll feel tons better. I loved her and Kendall interacting. I'm glad the writers remembered that they had formed their own friendship.

Oh, just when I have been praising AMC for its improvement, Colby is handed a mic. OMG. That was awful and embarrassing. It felt like some random scene from Teen Witch or some other early '90's teen movie. Please AMC don't limp to the finish-line!

AMC has made some monumentally bad decisions these past 10 years or so.

Top of the list, for me, has been the wholesale dismissal of their veteran actors and characters, and the OOC way the few vets left have been written.

Then, elevating Ryass from a supporting character, at best to the STAR of the show was....just....painful. It's the acting equivalent of listening to Colby sing.

Introducing the Carey morons and making THEM the stars was almost as bad. Combine with the shows inability to not over-use characters and their fixation with sperm, and there we have the mess TIIC made out of a once-great show.

Yesterday was a showcase of all of the worst.

I'm sorry, David did WHAT? to the motorcycle Greenlee randomly jumped on at the last minute before Bianca's wedding? Is he omniscient now? We're supposed to believe that he magically knew Greenlee was going to hear bad news and hop on a motorcycle at that precise moment and that Kendall was going to speed along in the opposite direction at that exact moment, and that he calculated their speeds and parked his ass at the coordinates where they would meet and...what? Put a wire across the road to trip the motorcycle?

Are they kidding with this shit? Even Ryan isn't stupid/paranoid enough to come up with that.

I like Madison and Kendall's friendship a lot and I do really want her and Scott to get back together before the end.

The Ryan theory actually makes sense to me due to what played back then, but I'm not sure why/how Ryan could deduce it.

David was lurking around the Rylee/Breese wedding that week of episodes. My feeling back then was David messed with the brakes on Ryan's motorcycle to get rid of him. He didn't think for a second Greenlee would jump on it and ride.

The surprising part to me is that it's being brought up now as a possibility after dropping that tease over two years ago almost immediately.

Louise, that makes more sense than the idea that he did it to get control of Greenlee, which is what I thought Ryan was trying to say. Am I reading it wrong?

Natalie Hall seems like a nice person, though not the best actress/singer to cross the walk lately. I've never been able to stomach the character of Colby, since she's been so randomly floating about.....she's what, 15 years younger than the recast Liza now? Adam is gone too, so the only family interaction is with JR. I wish they had written that character off long ago, maybe when Ambyr Childers was playing her as a spoiled brat with the sweet 16 party from hell........

Sherlock Douche - Awesome!!

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