Words Of Wisdom From a Pocket-Sized Doormat
Reasons That Jason Morgan Should Not Even Consider Leaving The Mob Even Though "It's Dangerous" and "Our Unborn Child(ren) Will Be Shot At And/Or Kidnapped Eight Times Before Their Third Birthday" and "Remember The Time My Uterus Was Obliterated?"
A List By Sam McCall
Is it just me, or is Jason the world's most perfect boyfriend ever? I mean, hello, he asked me for my opinion on something! Can you imagine? It's like my wants and needs are as important as his, which is just crazy. But even crazier than THAT is the question he asked me: should he give up the business? And I was like, "Jason, you can do whatever you want, because you're Jason! And I will do whatever you tell me to because I love you! I love you so much Jason. Love."
Can you imagine Jason giving up the mob? Sure, we could make it through a week without being part of a shootout, and we could travel the world, which is apparently a dream of mine, but, um, have you ever heard a worse idea? Because I haven't, and here are just a few reasons why:
1. Spinelli would be super sad.
2. Carly cannot even function in the real world without Jason cleaning up her messes, and even though Carly is, without exaggeration, the worst person to walk the planet, it would just be cruel to expect her to take responsibility for her own actions.
3. If Jason leaves the mob, that means he won't be on call 24/7 for Michael to contact when he needs help covering up a crime or finishing his physics homework.
4. Also, I have a family! And I might miss them, maybe!
Did you read that and think it was satire? Oh, you fools. It was practically verbatim!
Jason: If it were up to you, what would you want?
Sam: Well, I don't see you being very happy doing anything ordinary.
Jason: Yeah, you're probably right about that.
Sam: I could see you traveling the world.
Jason: Oh, you like to travel...
Sam: Oh, I do and if you're offering to sail away with me, I just might be tempted. Then I start thinking, Jason. What about my family? My sisters and my mom...it's just not very realistic. Because what would Spinelli do without a PI partner? What would Carly do without her Jason? She would wind up in jail and probably go crazy. And who would Michael turn to?
Jason: So you want to stay?
Sam: I just want you tobe true to yourself, no matter what happens.
To summarize: the wants and needs of criminals with social disorders are more important than Sam's own wants and needs and also safety.
If Sam is going to exist solely to sing Jason's praises (usually to Jason), let's have her go all out, okay? I'm talking wearing a "JASON RULES!" sandwich board or breaking out into a high-concept "The Glory Of Jason" musical number, because this endless rehash of the "Is my life dangerous?"/"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT, JASON? HOW CAN YOU DOUBT YOURSELF?!" conversation is making my ears bleed.