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« Sucks So Good: True Blood 4.2, "You Smell Like Dinner" | Main | Bad Idea Jeans (I'm Understating Things Substantially) »

July 05, 2011

Finally An End To Our Long National Three-Day Nightmare

Because surely the more optimistic of us out here were thinking on Friday's One Life to Live when Jessica told Ford (while she was still tied to the chair he'd bound her to against her will) that she was going to apologize to him, she was doing some sort of fake-out so she could calm him down and she could get herself out of that motel room and off to the cops to report her abduction. It certainly couldn't have been that she actually felt she owed him an apology for anything at all. But we had to wait three days to find out, ostensibly since the Fourth of July yielded a "classic episode" (fair enough, as it was the awesome Slezakiversary episode), but really so that the optimistic among us could get three whole days living in a fantasy world in which Jessica would never actually apologize to Ford for anything, ever.

Alas, that is all it was. A fantasy world. Jessica apologized for not having given Ford any reason to trust her, for letting out her alter so he could fall in love with her, and for not being able to deal with problems the way normal people do (okay, that's a fair one). Poor Ford; Jessica's inability to handle the world left him no choice but to sexually violate her twice, bar her from getting the psychiatric care she badly needed, and to abduct and tie her up and gag her. Ford is really the victim here. 

Speaking of victims, this storyline got short shrift today by another storyline in which some young Floridian character I've never seen before was found "not guilty" of various counts of manslaughter and child abuse and murder, but was found "guilty" of doing a bunch of lying. This feels funny, since lying to the police is totally legal on soap operas, but on the other hand, almost everybody gets away with murder and attempted murder -- so it both fits and it doesn't fit. It does seem strange that they'd be introducing this new storyline and new characters only six months before the series ends, especially since it seems like it would be a front-burner storyline. I don't see any twenty-something men with washboard abs, though, so it must not be part of our show... oh! That was a news report on the Casey Anthony trial.

Ever since Ford never gave Jessica or her family a chance to make a shared custody arrangement with him for Ryder, he has demonstrated time and time again that he's reckless, irresponsible, thoughtless, and criminal. This is the moment at which Jessica should be 100% certain he should be held responsible for the many laws he's broken and consider just a supervised visitation arrangement upon his release from prison. Instead, she feels super-duper bad and has realized since she can't have everything she wants in her life and Ford can't have everything he wants in his life, they're totally just alike and maybe best friends and they so "get" each other! Best co-parents ever! Their little twinkly-eyes at each other nearly made me lose my disgusting Dunkin' Donuts reduced fat blueberry muffin (come to think of it, maybe I should re-watch that scene a few times till I expunge that weird piece of soap-tasting plastic from my system). The show helped by having Ford and Jessica make cutesy jokes at each other about the kidnapping and then having a "romantic" moment under the fireworks. You know what? This might not be a bad way to shed a few pounds.


Oh good, Brody has officially joined the ranks of "lies about a biological parent" today. Well, he's in good company: Todd, Marty, Tea, Blair, Clint, Echo, Gigi, Natalie, Kelly, Rex, Charlie, Roxy, Dorian, David, Vimal, and who else am I forgetting (in terms of present-day characters)? Does this make him a real soap opera boy? Or is the point just to make sure anyone who still thought he was more of a man than that boring asshat John McBain could throw that little fantasy out the window? Because John would never lie! It would take time away from all the brooding and smirking. Gosh, I can't wait for the secret to come out so that Natalie and John can get back together and talk about how they were so cruelly treated by Brody! That... sounds fun.

Oh and by the way, in case anyone was curious about how the big dramatic surgery went: it went. In one throwaway sentence. Way to milk this for dramatic payoff, guys! Guess Gigi's dead-dead now and Clint's a-okay!

(Please no spoilers in the comments, but who caught that new ad about how Rex's revenge plan is not going to target Todd and Jack, but Tea and Blair? Oops! Rex just lost my "eh, I'm pretty much all for you destroying Todd and Jack" support. He better not lay a hand on my girls! Is it wrong that I'm excited, though? I mean that in the sense that there will be no gray area for me.)

Destiny out!


I'm excited about that ad, too, Louise. I mean, it makes sense, but at the same time: KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY GIRLS, TWITCHY! But, yeah, I have a feeling this is going to be all kinds of soapy awesome, leading up to Rex realizing he's become what he hates the most (Clint and Todd), perhaps even worse, in his quest for revenge, and this is Not What Gigi Wanted. And Todd/Tawd will figure in somehow, as well, so that should be cool.

Really, I'm sure I'll be rolling my eyes like crazy tonight at the Ford/Jess stuff, but damn if this show still isn't like crack for me!

The about-to-return Kimmie certainly lied her little ass off about Sierra Rose's paternity.

And didn't John lie about Sam's paternity when his name was Tommy and his dad was John's brother?

The Ford/Jess stuff sounds just as sickening as I was expecting. Stop it, show, Ford is NOT NASH.

Yes, to those of you who haven't watched yet: the Ford/Jess stuff is abysmal.

The rest is... fine. Not top-notch as I've actually found many of the episodes lately, but it was fine. Ford/Jess, though. Horrid.

Man, TPTB are just determined to make Jessica unsalvageable as a character.

I still want to know what TPTB have against women.

Jessica was VIOLATED (as Louise, you so aptly note all of the occasions) by this man and HE DOES NOT HAVE TO PAY FOR HIS ACTIONS.

Nora, kidnapped and almost raped, thanks to Clint, but same deal, all that he did to Bo, Nora, Matthew - no payback, everyone loves him now (well, not so much Rex, but not because Clint screwed his brother, who Rex looks to as a Dad, but because he denied him his parentage...).

This is why I stopped watching - I'd much rather read your updates - more interesting and less vomit inducing....

Aubrey, Cutter, and Rama were also in this episode too. Cutter wanted to move in with them in their motel room since he had no where else to go (which is complete BULLSHIT since he has enough money to rent his own room, or buy the Minute Man, or his own McMansion!!!)and he wanted Aubrey to forget about Joey and continue on with their con artist lifestyle. Why these characters are still on the canvas really escapes me. They should be leaving the show before Joey, Kelly, Dorian, and TSJ Todd!!!

The bit with Cutter was totally ridiculous. Apparently TIIC forget that he got a boatload of money in addition to the mansion. Either that or they're hoping we've forgotten.

They did actually mention that Cutter still has plenty of money (Aubrey pointed it out when Cutter was pitching a next con), but it didn't explain why he couldn't get his own room for the night. I just sort of wrote it in my head as if he kind of wanted to commiserate with a partner in crime, somehow. That's all I got! It was a little odd.

@LoriK: Cutter lost the mansion when there was a loophole in the deed saying that clint could have the mansion back, and Clint gave it to Rex when he demanded the entire Buchanan fortune, including BE and the mansion!!!!

Today's episode was truly awful. Just when I think the Terd-stuff can't get worse, IT ALWAYS DOES. Why Jessica forgives Ford but not Brody and Natalie is absurd.

And then there was my favorite new couple: Timal. I really wanted to see the Todd/Vimal scenes but the writers ruined my favorite couple by Todd threatening Vimal with extreme violence to keep the paternity secret. Why do the writers hate the audience so much? I loved Timal! I am sure we'll see a few more scenes with them but I just wanted it to be an actual friendship not one in which Todd bullies Vimal into loyalty. Oh, who am I kidding? It's Todd Manning!

My saving grace: I do like Aubrey/Rama scenes because they remind me of Lucy & Ethel!

SueB, Clint's not paying for his crimes? Um, he almost died, needs a heart transplant after just his first heart attack, has lost everything he owns in the world, plus everyone treats him like he's so awful and how many people have barged into his ICU room to badger him on his death bed? He's even being blamed for things he didn't do (like David thinking Clint sent Ionia after him). Yes Clint's family still loves him despite what he's done and they don't really want to see him actually die. And Clint insists on still covering for Matthew and taking the blame for Eddie's murder, so he's not out of legal trouble. Granted I don't see Clint going to jail since the character has to stay on the show and I don't know how tptb will get around that, but Clint's certainly paid plenty in other ways.

It's ludicrous that Clint=bad while hypocrites like Rex=good, when in the last few weeks Rex has committed attempted murder, forgery, medical fraud, extortion, and selling human organs. Who knows what else he'll do to Tea and Blair now. But Rex will be excused because he's grieving.

Ford, OTOH gets away with rape, kidnapping, keeping a woman severely mentally ill, trying to defraud the court for Ryder's custody and trust fund and whatever else Ford has done - but everyone's apologizing to him and it's so unfair that he can't have his child. When Nora apologizes to Clint for having to have her kidnapped, then he'll be like Ford.

Emily,,,Thanks for typing up a great response so that I can sit back nod my head in agreement!

@guilty pleasure: I know that Cutter lost the mansion. My point was that he still has the cash.

Apparently they mentioned that he's still rich. (It must have been during the part of the show that I didn't see because of the preemption.) That makes the whole idea of him wanting to bunk with Aubrey at the MM even dumber. If he wants to get back with her one would think that providing her with a nice room somewhere would be a better plan than trying to talk his way into the flea bag motel with them.

This show has just gotten so stupid and nauseating that I don't even know what to say any more.

@LoriK: Apparently, Aubrey and Cutter has scammed other wealthy people before, and still have all the money from their previous con-jobs somewhere hidden in their offshore bank accounts, and the reason I guess they wanted to stay in the Minute Man is because they want to keep a low-profile, and the other hotels like the Palace and the Angel Square were closed for the night. When Aubrey first came into town, she could afford her own room at the Palace, and Cutter got his own room there when he arrived in Llanview a month later. I doubt that Aubrey would want to get back together with Cutter because she still is hung up on Joey (even though Tom Degnan and Gina Tognoni are both leaving the show together next month.)

The Palace and Angel Square were closed? I know the show is on a very tight budget and can't change sets often, but that's just ridiculous.

Cutter explained to Aubrey that Renee had him thrown out of the Palace and then badmouthed him to all the other hotels in town. He said it was the middle of the night and the Minuteman Motel was his last chance but they were all booked. He saw Aubrey's name on the register so he swiped a key to her room. Aubrey asked him why he didn't try Philadelphia or NYC, but I think he said he needed a place to stay at least for the night.

Thanks, Emily! Guess that's the part that got interrupted for the Casey Anthony verdicts on the east coast.

LOL - I didn't even consider Cutter's explanation was in the part of the show that was interrupted (I see the show an hour after the national feed). I couldn't figure out why everyone was so confused. :)

Yeah, Renee made it so Cutter had no other place to go in Llanview this night. Why can't we actually see her visiting Clint? She too would have been kicked out of the mansion by Cutter when he took over, unless she stays mostly at the Palace now.

Losing Brody is bad enough, but to lose him in this way, and have Fudd stick around is just …. terrible. Other than loving HISSON – and that reminds me of Ryan from AMC and that’s NOT a good thing to be reminded of – the man has absolutely no moral values at all. He’s sacrificed Jessica at the altar (pun intended) of his babydaddy obsession, and in doing so, deprived Bree of a parent as well. He’s remained utterly ignorant about Jessica’s disease, while doing his best to undermine both Jessica and everyone who cares about her. His “love” for Tess is noting more than an immature need to take care of his wants, nothing adult or mature about it.

If they were going to stick us with this loser, then they should have done some sort of real redemption, instead of just talking about it. That’s what AMC does – tell us who to care about, who to root for, not show us, not actually write it so we’ll believe it.

All I can think is that Frons has another of his boy crushes on David Gregory, and just like it is with Cam Mat, the other characters are sacrificed to fulfill the vision of this idiot.

OLTL is too good for this sort of thing, and so is RC.

Hey, did anyone see Blair looking at David in his swim trunks? She had the best line of the day: "God Bless America"

Ford and Jessica joking about the kidnapping made me gag. I want Marty to pick me up and throw me off the roof of the Angel Square hotel. It would be better than watching those scenes. Also rage inducing: Todd's air quotes in the new promo. Seriously?!!

It's funny that Cutter said Renee banned him from the Palace because all through this mess I been wondering where the hell she was.

I'm sad for Brody and Mark Lawson. The character and the actor deserve better than this story. Not a spoiler, but I feel like Brody is eventually gonna go nuts (like so man other characters), kidnap Nat and/or Liam, and then get shot down like a dog by John. Or he'll end up in jail. Either way I don't have high hopes for my little seaman.

So, just a few more months of the show and two characters - one a typically over animated clown and the other, a typically stand up do gooder - are both about to go off the rails into villain territory. Rex I can somewhat understand, but Brody - the Brody that has been on the show the last few years would have been torn to pieces but would have told Natalie the truth. It would have been good tear at the heart soap opera. There's no need for character assassination, and that's exactly what this is. A left turn out of nowhere for the sake of ultimately propping up the six pack adonis rapist.

And yes, as physically hot as Ford is, he is essentially a rapist. And the fact that Jessica is all "let's be besties and co-parents now", is yet another out of left field development that makes absolutely no sense. What woman would want to be near the guy that took advantage of her mental breakdown to have sex with her multiple times?

Finally, I know Cutter doesn't really belong on the canvas anymore, but even if they don't give him a story, can they just have him randomly walk through scenes in his tiny boxer briefs or his tiny little swimsuit. It doesn't really need to fit with the scene - just have him come in wearing his underwear, get some juice, sit down read the paper, whatever.

Oh yeah, did anyone else hear the mention of Blair having had a conversation with Jack about killing Gigi those scenes weren't aired to the audience. Just what the fuck is that? I mean seriously? Blair talking to Jack about, you know, KILLING somebody would have been worth watching versus seeing Jess fall further in love with Ford (under fireworks no less.) Ugh.

All I can think of with Cutter is his waxed chest, which looked even more bizarre when they had him wandering around with oil all over him. I've never understood why OLTL has spent so much of the last ten years pushing Ken dolls whose only ability is to make goofy faces (eg, the Fords).

"So, just a few more months of the show and two characters - one a typically over animated clown and the other, a typically stand up do gooder - are both about to go off the rails into villain territory."

I doubt Rex is supposed to be a villain. He's going after women, and on OLTL, going after women makes you a good guy (just ask Todd and Ford). The only way he would be a bad guy is if he was going after one of our "heroes", like John. I'm just rolling my eyes at the idea of this being sold as some type of revenge on Todd or Jack. Who believes that either of them care about Blair or Tea? Tea will shriek, Blair will end up in the hospital again, Rex will make monkey faces or Gary Coleman faces, Todd will yawn and randomly shout his lines, and it's time to move on to another scene where Bo tells Rex how great he is and if he needs any help sitting on Clint's chest, then give Bo a call.

As for Brody, I think we were supposed to hate him a long time ago. He made John cry! Poor deadbeat dad, shower-phobic John :( He beat up Ford the abtastic angel! And so on. If the story has failed so far it's because of lazy writing (this story has been told about 10 times in the last few years alone - insert psycho here) and because most of the 'good' people in the story are about as sympathetic as Brian Frons.

All I can think is that Frons has another of his boy crushes on David Gregory, and just like it is with Cam Mat, the other characters are sacrificed to fulfill the vision of this idiot.

OLTL is too good for this sort of thing, and so is RC."

RC wrote the rapemance and continued to degrade Marty in Todd's story for several years (having to be his counselor, having the air quotes scene that someone at OLTL thought was hilarious).

I think this story is Ron's attempt at a rapemance ending he will be more satisfied with. I got the feeling that the last one was supposed to end with Marty/Todd together, but negative fan reaction ended it.

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