Finally An End To Our Long National Three-Day Nightmare
Because surely the more optimistic of us out here were thinking on Friday's One Life to Live when Jessica told Ford (while she was still tied to the chair he'd bound her to against her will) that she was going to apologize to him, she was doing some sort of fake-out so she could calm him down and she could get herself out of that motel room and off to the cops to report her abduction. It certainly couldn't have been that she actually felt she owed him an apology for anything at all. But we had to wait three days to find out, ostensibly since the Fourth of July yielded a "classic episode" (fair enough, as it was the awesome Slezakiversary episode), but really so that the optimistic among us could get three whole days living in a fantasy world in which Jessica would never actually apologize to Ford for anything, ever.
Alas, that is all it was. A fantasy world. Jessica apologized for not having given Ford any reason to trust her, for letting out her alter so he could fall in love with her, and for not being able to deal with problems the way normal people do (okay, that's a fair one). Poor Ford; Jessica's inability to handle the world left him no choice but to sexually violate her twice, bar her from getting the psychiatric care she badly needed, and to abduct and tie her up and gag her. Ford is really the victim here.
Speaking of victims, this storyline got short shrift today by another storyline in which some young Floridian character I've never seen before was found "not guilty" of various counts of manslaughter and child abuse and murder, but was found "guilty" of doing a bunch of lying. This feels funny, since lying to the police is totally legal on soap operas, but on the other hand, almost everybody gets away with murder and attempted murder -- so it both fits and it doesn't fit. It does seem strange that they'd be introducing this new storyline and new characters only six months before the series ends, especially since it seems like it would be a front-burner storyline. I don't see any twenty-something men with washboard abs, though, so it must not be part of our show... oh! That was a news report on the Casey Anthony trial.
Ever since Ford never gave Jessica or her family a chance to make a shared custody arrangement with him for Ryder, he has demonstrated time and time again that he's reckless, irresponsible, thoughtless, and criminal. This is the moment at which Jessica should be 100% certain he should be held responsible for the many laws he's broken and consider just a supervised visitation arrangement upon his release from prison. Instead, she feels super-duper bad and has realized since she can't have everything she wants in her life and Ford can't have everything he wants in his life, they're totally just alike and maybe best friends and they so "get" each other! Best co-parents ever! Their little twinkly-eyes at each other nearly made me lose my disgusting Dunkin' Donuts reduced fat blueberry muffin (come to think of it, maybe I should re-watch that scene a few times till I expunge that weird piece of soap-tasting plastic from my system). The show helped by having Ford and Jessica make cutesy jokes at each other about the kidnapping and then having a "romantic" moment under the fireworks. You know what? This might not be a bad way to shed a few pounds.
Oh good, Brody has officially joined the ranks of "lies about a biological parent" today. Well, he's in good company: Todd, Marty, Tea, Blair, Clint, Echo, Gigi, Natalie, Kelly, Rex, Charlie, Roxy, Dorian, David, Vimal, and who else am I forgetting (in terms of present-day characters)? Does this make him a real soap opera boy? Or is the point just to make sure anyone who still thought he was more of a man than that boring asshat John McBain could throw that little fantasy out the window? Because John would never lie! It would take time away from all the brooding and smirking. Gosh, I can't wait for the secret to come out so that Natalie and John can get back together and talk about how they were so cruelly treated by Brody! That... sounds fun.
Oh and by the way, in case anyone was curious about how the big dramatic surgery went: it went. In one throwaway sentence. Way to milk this for dramatic payoff, guys! Guess Gigi's dead-dead now and Clint's a-okay!
(Please no spoilers in the comments, but who caught that new ad about how Rex's revenge plan is not going to target Todd and Jack, but Tea and Blair? Oops! Rex just lost my "eh, I'm pretty much all for you destroying Todd and Jack" support. He better not lay a hand on my girls! Is it wrong that I'm excited, though? I mean that in the sense that there will be no gray area for me.)