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« Sucks So Good: True Blood 4.2, "You Smell Like Dinner" | Main | Bad Idea Jeans (I'm Understating Things Substantially) »

July 05, 2011

Finally An End To Our Long National Three-Day Nightmare

Because surely the more optimistic of us out here were thinking on Friday's One Life to Live when Jessica told Ford (while she was still tied to the chair he'd bound her to against her will) that she was going to apologize to him, she was doing some sort of fake-out so she could calm him down and she could get herself out of that motel room and off to the cops to report her abduction. It certainly couldn't have been that she actually felt she owed him an apology for anything at all. But we had to wait three days to find out, ostensibly since the Fourth of July yielded a "classic episode" (fair enough, as it was the awesome Slezakiversary episode), but really so that the optimistic among us could get three whole days living in a fantasy world in which Jessica would never actually apologize to Ford for anything, ever.

Alas, that is all it was. A fantasy world. Jessica apologized for not having given Ford any reason to trust her, for letting out her alter so he could fall in love with her, and for not being able to deal with problems the way normal people do (okay, that's a fair one). Poor Ford; Jessica's inability to handle the world left him no choice but to sexually violate her twice, bar her from getting the psychiatric care she badly needed, and to abduct and tie her up and gag her. Ford is really the victim here. 

Speaking of victims, this storyline got short shrift today by another storyline in which some young Floridian character I've never seen before was found "not guilty" of various counts of manslaughter and child abuse and murder, but was found "guilty" of doing a bunch of lying. This feels funny, since lying to the police is totally legal on soap operas, but on the other hand, almost everybody gets away with murder and attempted murder -- so it both fits and it doesn't fit. It does seem strange that they'd be introducing this new storyline and new characters only six months before the series ends, especially since it seems like it would be a front-burner storyline. I don't see any twenty-something men with washboard abs, though, so it must not be part of our show... oh! That was a news report on the Casey Anthony trial.

Ever since Ford never gave Jessica or her family a chance to make a shared custody arrangement with him for Ryder, he has demonstrated time and time again that he's reckless, irresponsible, thoughtless, and criminal. This is the moment at which Jessica should be 100% certain he should be held responsible for the many laws he's broken and consider just a supervised visitation arrangement upon his release from prison. Instead, she feels super-duper bad and has realized since she can't have everything she wants in her life and Ford can't have everything he wants in his life, they're totally just alike and maybe best friends and they so "get" each other! Best co-parents ever! Their little twinkly-eyes at each other nearly made me lose my disgusting Dunkin' Donuts reduced fat blueberry muffin (come to think of it, maybe I should re-watch that scene a few times till I expunge that weird piece of soap-tasting plastic from my system). The show helped by having Ford and Jessica make cutesy jokes at each other about the kidnapping and then having a "romantic" moment under the fireworks. You know what? This might not be a bad way to shed a few pounds.


Oh good, Brody has officially joined the ranks of "lies about a biological parent" today. Well, he's in good company: Todd, Marty, Tea, Blair, Clint, Echo, Gigi, Natalie, Kelly, Rex, Charlie, Roxy, Dorian, David, Vimal, and who else am I forgetting (in terms of present-day characters)? Does this make him a real soap opera boy? Or is the point just to make sure anyone who still thought he was more of a man than that boring asshat John McBain could throw that little fantasy out the window? Because John would never lie! It would take time away from all the brooding and smirking. Gosh, I can't wait for the secret to come out so that Natalie and John can get back together and talk about how they were so cruelly treated by Brody! That... sounds fun.

Oh and by the way, in case anyone was curious about how the big dramatic surgery went: it went. In one throwaway sentence. Way to milk this for dramatic payoff, guys! Guess Gigi's dead-dead now and Clint's a-okay!

(Please no spoilers in the comments, but who caught that new ad about how Rex's revenge plan is not going to target Todd and Jack, but Tea and Blair? Oops! Rex just lost my "eh, I'm pretty much all for you destroying Todd and Jack" support. He better not lay a hand on my girls! Is it wrong that I'm excited, though? I mean that in the sense that there will be no gray area for me.)

Destiny out!


The only thing worse than our "Long National 3-day Nightmare" was waiting for a post from you Louise! And I agree that Tuesday's episode was truly awful. Hoping for something better today.

One more question: after Cutter spends the night at the Minute Man with Aubrey and Rama, is he going to shop for either a new mansion, or a penthouse apartment in Llanview? Josh Kelly hasn't been fired from the show yet since we don't know what his secret is that Rama has over his head!

What, you mean that don't enjoy watching Jessica fall in love with her rapist?!?! Something is wrong with all of you people!!!

Sarcasm aside, RC has killed my love for the show. I cannot and will not watch a woman fall in love with her rapist because it's disgusting and demeaning to women. I don't want to watch how RC clearly feels about women: that we're worthless and don't matter when it comes to men.

And Brody's going to go crazy to prop Jessica/Ford and John/Natalie. It's disgusting. Brody is 100x the man that John and Ford will ever be, despite his mistakes. He won't rape a woman and he won't abandon a child he bonded with for over 9 months just because he learned that the baby wasn't his.

I hate this so effing much. I'm just watching the Two Todds and bullying storylines on youtube (even though those have their problems as well).

Technically, Brody came on the scene to perpetuate a false paternity claim, so for me his hiding the truth of Liam's paternity makes me more sad than surprised. Both circumstances have a warped kind of honor to it, since both situations involved the "hero" abandoning the mothers of their children during their times of need. Sure, both times the "heroes" were ignorant of the truth, but their acts made me question their love and sense of loyalty. I can forgive Rex for his faux pas, because he was a teenager at the time, but John is a grown-ass person who could have "manned up" and stood by Natalie, because for 10+ months she made it clear that he was the one she loved and chose to be Liam's father. So I see Brody's decision to be quite on par with Nathalie's, not villainous, but rather self-preserving in a precarious environment.

Brody stepped up to be a father to Shane, Bree, Ryder and Liam while Rexx ran cons in Llanview, Nash was dead, Ford had no interest in being a Daddy and John bailed once the paternity lie about Liam came out.

I wonder if Jessica is going to confess to Brody and Natalie that "Tess" had sex with Ford!

Louise, you asked who you were forgetting. Nora and Nigel also belong in the ranks of "lies about a biological parent" offenders.

I'm not sure Renee doesn't belong there too: Didn't she keep Ben a secret from Asa? I actually don't know the answer to that question, just assuming because she would presumably have known that she gave birth to a child, but Asa didn't know for a long time.

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