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« Oh Look! Someone Left This Script Lying Around... | Main | Heart? Broken. Mind? Blown. »

July 29, 2011

Flesh to Touch, Flesh to Burn! Don't Keep the Vicker Man Waiting!

Holy crap, when One Life to Live is on, it is on. Yesterday was the premiere of the movie about David's life, Vicker Man, and half the town was there, dressed to the nines. It felt very much like those old-school soap events where everyone comes together and naturally huge reveals take place (remember the annual Woman of the Year celebration?) -- I know budgets and schedules are not as wide-open as they used to be, so we were denied some premiere guests that would've added to the joy, but it is what it is. And what it was? Was hilarious so far. And full of spectacular shout-outs to stories long past.

Where to begin?

I apologize as I'm just basically going to gush. "Remember when this happened? It was awesome. Oh yeah and then this? That was cool. You know what was awesome? When this happened!" but I'm giddy and I can't help myself!

Oh, Rex. There was a low point. He sort of skulked around and talked to himself a lot about his revenge plan and how Dorian will be in a cell if she doesn't drop the charges against Echo, and Dorian in a cell means "my cousin David will be all alone, just like me." So that's charming that Rex's revenge plan has just expanded to making everyone in the world as miserable as he is whether he has anything against them or not. David's dicked over a lot of people, but not Rex. In fact, Rex should be groveling at David's feet considering he helped keep David locked in a Moroccan prison for months on end. Also, why doesn't Rex care about what Brad did? Or the girl who helped them out? Does he not know about the girl? I'd like to know exactly what ridiculous statement Brad actually gave to incriminate himself and exonerate everyone else involved. Shane wisely pointed out that taking away Todd's money is not going to bring Gigi back, but Rex missed the point and decided his teenage son meant he should really up the ante and, I don't know, maybe murder someone. (Also, has Rex considered that Jack is not only wealthy by one parent? Does Rex intend to also bankrupt the Cramers and Delgados?) Rex is truly a genius.

Meanwhile, RHTodd told John about the adventures he had while John was out.

RHTodd: The blonde with the whiskey voice? Natalie's mom? Wooo, she is... (insert crazy gesture here)

Which he followed up by doing his (surprisingly spot-on) John McBain imitation for John. Just effing great stuff. Their collective dry humor is working off each other really entertainingly. I'm also loving how normally-stoic RHTodd is babbling on and on to John, because these are basically the first conversations he's had in the better part of a decade.

So, the premiere. Ford was there.



Miraculously, Ford didn't really bother that much because he was just being such a chump that it made me laugh. He was feeling sorry for himself for having to be a cater waiter (oh, the heart bleeds) and lamenting the fact that this premiere wasn't exactly Cannes (so apparently Ford is artistically above premieres that allegedly involve Harrison Ford), but the best part was how nonchalant he was about Nate talking to Porn Rick. He jumped immediately to "huh, clearly my little brother's doing porn" and decided to give Nate some super-casual career advice, suggesting that doing porn is really not going to help build Nate's resume as an actor. (I have a suggestion, Nate: get an MFA! It's a sure thing and guarantees you a successful career in the arts!) (God I crack myself up.)

Blair looked gorgeous and got the dramatic staircase entrance to emphasize it.


I personally wouldn't choose long sleeves for a July film premiere, but she gets away with everything!

Blanca Morales interviewed half the the town. (Including asking Blair about the controversy surrounding her character being played by an Asian-American actress, which would've been hilarious enough had they left it there, but as we'll see later... it got even better.) She even mentioned the prime time episode of Fraternity Row, Llanview's former soap-within-a-soap. (Remember when Bo was a soap opera producer? And check out Chris Noth!)


For some reason this included asking poor Dani about the circumstances of her conception:



Dorian and Ionia got into it, of course, which wasn't especially exciting (other than the lines, "I'm Dorian Lord, you're not! Live with it, baby!" and "Dorian, I'll protect your opening!") but I did like the one bit of character consistency in which David pronounced "Ionia" unlike anyone ever has before. He does have this amusing tendency to alternate emphasized syllables in people's names. Remember the eight different ways he pronounced "Adrianna?" There were also a few SAG/AFTRA jokes thrown in. AFTRA? Was Vicker Man videotaped? Oh, who cares, a good meta joke about actors' unions is always welcome.


Blair wore earrings that Todd had given her before one of their weddings. (Which led to RHTodd noticing them on TV and heading to the premiere.... wheeeee!) TSJTodd didn't remember the earrings "he" gave Blair, but that barely means anything since he's forgotten or ignored most of his history with Blair for years now. And at least it led to Blair using the phrase "True that!"

Markko showed up.


Hel-lo, Jason Tam! Lookin' crazy hot. Markko met Baz, and I wish he would have been honest and just said, "Oh! That's the infamous Baz? Oh, he's not actually into you at all, Starr, and I think it's pretty clear why."


Rick the Porn Guy darted around like he owned the place, and clearly had a treat in store for all of us.

Rama showed up to put on a show for Vimal's parents...


...courtesy of a fake pregnancy-by-water-balloon created by Cristian. Vimal is very upset that Rama has worked for one whole day. Vimal, honey, I know you're old-fashioned and all but... women work. It's not demeaning.

And seriously, the greatest poster art for Vicker Man. I tried to get a better screencap but this was the best I could come up with:


David busting out of chains! Too hilarious.

And now the credits for Vicker Man.


Melador Studios! Melador was old makeup company Dorian and Blair ran that was named after Melinda, Addie, and Dorian.


Awww, David thinks his Pa is so cool that he made sure Harrison Ford played him in the movie.


I'm not sure I get this one. I know of a writer named Edna Beasley who wrote some scandalous incest stuff, but that couldn't be who they mean, right? Anyone got this one for me?


And of course, the actor they hired to play Clint speaks as many volumes about how David sees Clint as Harrison Ford playing Bo. As in, ouch.


Just brilliant. My cheeks hurt from smiling. (And I hope Ms. Korf got a little check in the mail for that, perhaps?)

And then the movie cut out just as it was starting, only to be replaced by... porn!


Oh hell yes.


And the first line of the flick was actually, "Heard you were failing Sex Ed. Lucky for you I aced the class." (Man, someone on that writing staff knows a lot about porn dialogue!)


This was met with confusion, and ultimately...



Frankly, my favorite reaction (so far) was TSJTodd's.


Just basically smug. Not the least bit surprised. "I knew it."

Love it.

And y'all? That was just yesterday's episode. I am in soap heaven.


AWESOME I missed it!! But will have to catch it online. I love OLTL because it is really soapy but also hilarious and self aware....Blair played by the Asian lady in the movie, who really started the role on the show!! GENIUS


Allyce Beasley played "Edna" on ATWT (HBS's former stomping grounds). Allyce could be HBS's sister, that's how much they look alike.

Robin Strasser just tweeted that she ad-libbed the SAG/AFTRA line. How much do I love her? I hope she comes back for the TV finale.

Wasn't Allyce Beasley Mrs. Depesto (sp?) on Moonlighting or am I totally off? If so, no offense, but I really can't see the HSB resemblance, though it has been a while since I've seen Moonlighting and OLTL for that matter. I may have to check it out again for these scenes alone :)

"Mia Korf as Blair Cramer" was the highlight of the day for me. Always love when the show tips its hat to Asian Blair. Like at Asa's fake funeral when Blair flashed back to Asian Blair marrying Asa and then checked her face in her compact? Hee.

You mentioned them both separately, but got to give a shout-out to Markko getting to rub (in a non-douchey way) his success and getting Langston back in Ford's face.

Nate's public humiliation was the cherry on the sundae.

And more today!

Yes, she played the secretary on Moonlighting too. I think there's a very strong resemblance between Allyce and Hilary, but I suppose these things are in the eye of the beholder.

Knope, thanks for the explanation about Edna Beasley! That's pretty cute.

And C, you're so right! With so much to comment on, I forgot the obviously excellent moment where Markko got some digs in at Ford. Well done.

OMG, I only just now got the SAG joke thanks to Knope saying it was an ad-lib! Love Robin Strasser!

When did Jason Tam turn into a certified hunk? What a dreamboat and, clearly the best actor among his contemporaries. Man, Starr/Markko scenes were the most I have liked her in ages. And what was with her awful dress? And that choker? Whoa.

Any way, I loved the episode so much, I watched it twice now! This is why I stick with OLTL because the first part of the week was horrid. Yesterday's episode was so great! I smiled so hard to the references to Fraternity Row and Mia Korf. Brilliant. And the porn at the end was delicious. I love the public humiliation and TSJ's humored, sly expression. I enjoyed the episode so much, I didn't mind Rex, Ford, Baz or Jack as much but then of course I can't help eye-rolling when one of them appears. Poor Shane. He breaks my heart and his logic goes unheeded. Rex and a gun. Ugh. Am I a bad person because I wish him an accident with that firearm which puts me out of my misery when he appears? Shane could be raised by Viki and a reformed Clint.

Louise - I am with you on all things in the recap but nothing more so than it's painfully obvious Baz should not be playing Starr's love interest or any woman's...

Can't wait fir today!

Yesterday was pretty awesome. Except for the already mentioned Rex 'I has a sad' Balsom. I'm ready for Basement Cat to eat his face off.

The rest? Flove.

Loved Markko being successful and Ford not. Blair's dress was gorgeous. Tea's looked like a 1983 prom dress. And I don't know what the hell Starr was wearing. Dani's dress was beautiful, too. At least she got to look good when the horror of her boyfriend's porn debut came up on screen.

RH!Todd doing his John McBain impersonation (which shifted from the voice of the Cave of Wonders to Clint Eastwood to a little Jack Nicholson thrown in) at John was hilarious. And I've always loved Roger playing with props... eating food, drinking coffee, propping his bare feet up on John's table. The talking to the camera was fun, too. "My son. MY son." "Get your hands off my daughter." And of course when he pulled the picture out and gave that little smile... 'The earrings. I gave you those earrings.' To have all of that culminate in 'I think maybe I'm going to a party.' was a delight.

The one gripe I have is that Melador was BLAIR'S company. She gave it to Dorian when Starr was sick as a baby and Dorian proceeded to run it into the ground (a completely unbelievable plot point in my opinion) but Melador was Blair's baby always so I hope that Blair got a big chunk of Vickerman. Given that she's in the credits (even if it was a joke) in a big way... well good for her.

I absolutely cannot WAIT for today.

Another possible explanation is that it was a reference to Edna Beasley, a novelist who wrote about her own traumatic childhood and then mysteriously disappeared.


I think the ATWT explanation is more likely, but maybe Edna's a favorite writer of Smith's and she put the name in just to get fans to Google the name!

This epi (minus Rex) was EPIC.

I flove Dorian! I FLOVE her! I was done when she called Ionia a bitch and said she was going to kick her ass to the curb. She is such an entertaining, hot-ass mess and I can't get enough of her!

Loved all the shout-outs to history!

Loved Markko's ever so subtle smackdown of that turd!

Loved that the movie cut to the porno!

I was so sad when it was over and I haven't felt like that about any soap in such a long time. OLTL is on it!

Loved, loved, loved all of this! I have been watching ABC soaps on and off for over 30 years. For the last two years or so I have only really watched OLTL and there has been a lot of fast forwarding. The last time I really loved this show was during the Kish story time period. I miss the way all three shows used to be written. For the last week or so I have been rivited by the two Todds story and now this off the charts excellent episode. My question is, if they CAN do it why don't they? If viewers love this kind of show and that kind of writing why don't they just do that? What would we have to do to get them to let "Awesome Writer" out of the closet more often? How can we communicate to TPTB that this is what we want more of?? Can't wait to see today's show!!

FIYA. FI. YAAAAAAAAA! Yesterday was such a garden of delights, I hardly knew where to turn!

I adored seeing Markko again, and even more adored his subtle smackdown of Ford.

I loved the SAG/AFTRA metajoke, and if RS ad-libbed it, she's a genius.

I loved everything about yesterday's show and even wanted to smack Rexx with his own gun for not seeing that Shane needs his father and not revenge against Todd/Jack.

On the Edna Beasley as Nora thing: Edna Beazley is the maiden name of famous Australian, Dame Edna Everage.

I was hoping you would dwell on the fashion a bit more (as you are hilariously wont to do) and touch on the fact that for some reason Starr was fashioned straight out of the nineties. I mean, she wore a choker! A choker!

Other than that loved everything about the tongue in cheek episode :)

"My diploma's so big because I double majored".


I heart Ron Carlivati.

I don't care what anyone says, OLTL is THE best damn soap airing and its cancellation is a travesty.

(Oh yeah, and Tuc Watkins is the cutest damn thing on daytime or primetime!)

I can't wait to see what you say about Friday's show...especially the last couple of minutes.

TSJ's reaction is why it makes me sad that he was let go. He's talented, plain and simple.

The brilliance of it was that, even if you'd never seen OLTL before, it was still entertaining, yet the more time you've invested in OLTL, the more rewarding it was!!!

Jason Tam looks crazy HOT when he doesn't shave! he should not shave more often! and your right, OLTL has been on point but even better than this episode was Friday's! the last scene in Friday's episode WAS STRAIGHT UP HOT!!!

Wow just wow. Catching up on last week's OLTL. The premier was off the hook fantastic. Could have skipped Chris and Shaun scenes. But small complaint. Freaking loved Markko's putdown of Ford. And yes, Jason Tam has become super hot and talented per usual. The last scene- omg great with 2 Todd's meeting up.

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