I'm Sorry, I Just Hallucinated
If you had told me a few months ago that in one episode of General Hospital, I'd get...
...a beautifully acted scene between Steve Burton and Leslie Charleson
I'd...well, I'd probably look at you with sad, mournful eyes and say, "In a few months, I'll still be watching General Hospital?" and sigh the heaviest of sighs. But after that, I'd laugh! And say, mid-scoff, "You're crazy. I like you, but you're crazy".
But today, all of that happened. All of it! And it aired on network television, not the elaborate alternate reality version of General Hospital that sometimes runs through my head while I daydream because:
Let's start with the most shocking part of this entire episode.
Are we really supposed to believe that this is a dangerous man who has done hard time? Because I'm seeing less "streetwise drug dealer" and more "first designer cut on Project Runway".
And then the second shocking thing: Jason and Monica shared a scene filled with grief and harsh words and Monica actually appearing onscreen.
Monica: I think I've been to every medical convention on the planet. I've done that to avoid going home to empty chairs at the dining room table at a place that I used to call home. Then I learned there was another empty chair that my grandson would have sat in. A grandson I didn't know I had and I will never know.
Monica: Then I lost that little boy and then I lost that bigger boy in a car accident, when you changed and you left the family. Became a different person and I'm not trying to be cruel, Jason. I just want you to know what that loss meant to your father and meant to me.
Jason: I know. I thought I was doing what was right for me.
Monica: Really? Giving Michael to Carly, and Jake to Elizabeth, without any choices?
Jason: I thought I was doing what was right for them, too.
Monica: What about what was right for us? What about us making some decisions? What right do you have to do all that? If you wanted to make life or death decisions, you should have become the doctor you set out to be, not whatever it is you are now. Maybe if you had done that, Jason, maybe we wouldn't be mourning the death of a little boy.
Leslie Charleson was so good (and I'm just excited that Monica is a person again, not someone being randomly paged in the all too infrequent General Hospital scenes taking place at General Hospital) and Steve Burton did a really great job with all of his reaction shots.
Kristina is giving me some serious secondhand embarrassment. Going to Johnny to have Ethan fired and then staring at him, smugly and happily?
Ugh, I actually shuddered. A full body shudder.
I know that Ethan is interested in her and that she is exactly right about him (homebody's not good at ALL about fooling people into believing anything. I like that he tried to keep up the ruse about hooking up with Abby by actually saying that he only pretended to be with Abby! Fool!), but whenever her mooning eyes and epic overconfidence make an appearance, I find myself thrown with full force into awkward adolescent flashbacks and just...cringe. Like, today, I just had the most uncomfortable memory of the summer I spent a few weekends with a friend in Seaside Heights and had the most ridiculous, embarrassing crush on an older boy who worked one of the rip-off stands--sorry, "games" on the boardwalk and I would just sit at his booth and talk to him (or talk AT him) for hours. And he was so nice, and made smalltalk with the besotted and possibly dangerous tween staring at him with puppy dog eyes who would then go back and analyze every single second of the conversation. "Do you think he likes me?" NO, Middle School Mallory, he did not like you! BECAUSE YOU WERE 12! Ohmigod, even remembering it is so embarrassing (why I have chosen to share all of this with the internet is completely beyond me), but Kristina made it all come back! It's like PTSD.
Helena: I want to help liberate Luke from his family ties. And he will be so grateful! Gratitude always begets more sway than control.
That is just...stupid. On every level.
Today's show also made me laugh two kinds of laughter.
Laughter #1: Actual amused laughter.
Sam: We've got to take responsibility when the responsibility is ours to take and from what I know and what Jason believes, you are not responsible for Jake's death. And yes, we lean on places that we know will hold us up and that's why you're here. And I understand that.
Elizabeth: I don't know why, but that really helped.
"I don't know why, because Sam never has anything helpful or interesting to say and I didn't even know she could string a sentence together, but that was almost sort of useful!"
Laughter #2: An unhinged, "Are you serious with this right now?" sort of titter.
Siobhan: Do you want to kill somebody? Wasn't Jake enough?
I know that ripping myself off, especially when all I'm ripping off is three words that I used to describe an almost identical line of WTFerry right down to the players involved, is the height of laziness, but: I'm sorry, WHAT? Is she...I...I cannot. I cannot with this. All of Siobhan's dialogue lately seems to be a series of escalating attempts to find the most offensive combination of words known to man.