It's My Lucky Day
First of all, Roxy was on today's episode.
Second of all, Kelly mentioned Zane for, what, only the fourth time since she re-joined the show? And is all of a sudden crying about how it seems so long ago that he was as tiny as a baby even though we have absolutely no idea how old he's supposed to be. Now she's feeling maternal? Hysterical. The moments go by so fast! Yeah, Kells, especially when you leave your kid in another country and move away for years. (Yes, it's part of the set-up of the Cramer exodus -- which makes me very sad -- but could they have given just a few more days of Kelly being wistful about her son?)
Okay, but the main event. The explanation of how RHTodd and TSJTodd have the same memories and the same DNA. I mean, y'all? It had to be insane, no matter what. The set-up is insane and makes no sense, just like TSJTodd showing up eight years ago with no fingerprints and some reassuring memories was insane and made no sense. So it had to be off-the-wall in that "only on a soap" kind of awesome way, but I steered clear of spoilers and today was all brand new information for me. I expected and wanted off-the-wall and insane? I got it and then some. Holy crap! Everyone was gathered for the lengthy monologue from the back-from-the-dead woman who tells the entire ridiculous tale and includes actual phrases such as, "Please boys, be patient. Everything will be explained." and "Be patient, Victoria. I'm getting to it."
Irene: That's when I discovered that I'd been carrying twins. I could barely afford to take care of one child, never mind two. So I gave one of my babies to Peter to raise. The one I'd named Todd.
RHTodd: I remember.
TSJTodd: Yeah, so do I.
Viki: Ubbub, hang on. Well, what happened to the other one?
Irene: Ah, the other one. He was quiet. Different. What some might call, uh, special. I raised him myself. Named him Victor. Victor Lord, Junior.
I mean at this point I'm already dying. We've always known that Todd is "special," of course. It's so brave of the show to finally admit it.
But that was just the beginning. Then we found out that Irene was struggling financially, as so many young mothers do, so she went ahead and joined the CIA to make ends meet. As so many young mothers do. (Why didn't she just take up stripping? Soaps confuse me, I thought that's what you're supposed to do if you're young and poor with a child. That, or become a gold-digger with a heart of gold.) Anyway, the CIA salary wasn't really cutting it, so she went rogue just before learning that Victor had left Todd a crazy amount of money in his will and she came up with a... brilliant plan. Brilliant.
She sent "her people" to talk to Todd about getting involved in their rogue organization and Todd not only refused but threatened to expose them (being the morally upstanding citizen that he is). So she contacted Tomas (a legit CIA agent) to report Todd as an enemy of the state. Viki was shocked. Shocked! My goodness, Irene! How could you? (She explained that super-easy-like by saying she'd long stopped thinking of him as her son and knew what kind of man he'd become anyway. Which wasn't a good one. Because she is pro-good-men.)
So Tomas went to the crypt to off Todd, but Mitch had beaten him to it. So she had a badly-beaten Todd captured and was with both of her sons (Todd and Victor) for the first time. I'm not making any of this up. THERE WERE "FLASHBACKS."
Okay, so then -- and here's where it got so far beyond any kind of expectations of awesomely ridiculous that I was practically screaming my laughter -- Irene sat and asked a disoriented Todd about his life, and he answered the questions and Victor would just repeat everything that Todd said. Because, you know, he was special. Perhaps an idiot savant of some sort. And he therefore took on Todd's memories as his own. SIMPLE-DIMPLE, Y'ALL. In case you're trying to picture this in your head, you don't have to. They made the scenes. They were amazing. Doubled-over-laughing-on-my-couch amazing. I don't even know my own name right now, that's how ridiculous this is. My heart is full.
It didn't stop there. She then cut her "special" son's face to give him an identical scar to Todd's.
(Wait, what? Isn't he about to get plastic surgery to make him look like another person anyway? Why was Todd repeating so much information about himself? Did they show Victor photos or something? He clearly had no trouble recognizing anyone. Did Ron Carlivati find a cure for developmental disorders?!?!) (Sweet mercy, why am I asking logical questions when they are giving me this gift?!)
There are just no words. I could try, I really could. This is just some of the funniest shit I have ever seen. Ever. I am so happy today that I watch soaps and I am so happy today that soaps are so freaking ridiculous. And here's the coolest thing about this and about soaps: we'll get a couple more days of insane explanations full of mile-wide holes and impossibilities, and then we'll move right back to the real drama, and that's the fallout for everyone who knows or hates or loves Todd(s). And for Todd. And Victor. Victor! And if the relationships we've watched years being built are compelling enough and the actors deliver? I'll take it completely seriously. Completely. Because that is just how this stuff works. High camp yields high drama? It certainly can, and certainly has. Hell, the ridiculous story that brought us Todd #2 in the first place was laughable and campy but it led to kick-ass drama all over the canvas. (I'd take this opportunity to point out that it basically looks like Gigi is going to communicate to Natalie that Liam's is John's from beyond the grave, which is also silly and ridiculous and will lead to major drama and so it's basically the same arrangement... but sweet mercy I don't give a shit about Liam's paternity anymore and haven't in so, so long.)
I seriously cannot wait to watch more of this nonsense. If they don't play the fallout well, then I'll eat my words and this will be a big stand-alone eye-roller, but judging by the work they've done in the pre-Irene leg of this story, I actually have faith for once. For now? This is so bad it's good, so good it's bad, so hilarious it's heartbreaking and so ridiculous that it's awesome. Man. I love the shit out of soaps.