Serial Drama

A Quick Heads-Up For The "New" Guy

One of the weirdest, creepiest, but also most awesome conversations ever happened on today's One Life to Live. How can I say that about a conversation in which men were bickering over which one of them committed a gang rape -- both of them trying to claim guilt. I feel really dirty right now.

RHTodd: It's something that I wish I could deny. I raped Marty Saybrooke. 

"Oh my gah, now this guy is trying to claim my very favorite rape, too?!"

RHTodd: It's not something I can forget. And Viki said it best, it's affected every relationship that I've had from then on.

TSJTodd: (chuckles)... this guy's talking about. I know what I did, I'm not proud of it, but I remember distinctly locking Marty in the room at the KAD house. I also know that I've hated myself ever since that moment and I've done everything I could to make it up to her.

Blair: Yeah, including tricking her into falling in love with you.

RHTodd: What was that?

TSJTodd: Nothing, just --

Blair: It's true. Marty and Todd had a relationship.

RHTodd: They had a what?

Blair: Yeah and, uh, this house was actually their little love shack. 

RHTodd: This guy has a relationship with Marty Saybrooke and none of you figured out that he wasn't me? It didn't occur to you that that might not be something that I would do? 

Sucks So Good: True Blood 4.7, "Cold Gray Light of Dawn"

I have no idea how it's possible that we've already reached the latter half of this season of True Blood, but here we are. After the jump, "Cold Gray Light of Dawn"!

In Which I Flail Endlessly and Scream Like a Tween

Ohmigod, you guys.

 
OHMIGOD, YOU GUYS.

 
OHMIGOD, YOU GUYS.

 
O!H!M!I!G!OD!Y!O!U!G!U!Y!S!

 
The first few drafts of this blog post basically consisted of nothing but exclamation points and straight transcriptions of dialogue, occasionally accompanied by parenthetical notations such as "I love my life!" and "At this point, I let out a giggle of delight that was less a giggle and more a jag of obnoxious, braying laughter".

I have such unconditional love for the Leo/Greenlee era of All My Children that I was going to love anything and everything about Josh Duhamel's brief return; such unconditional love that I actually--hand to God!--contemplated seeing Life as We Know It in theaters and considering my white-hot hatred of Katherine Heigl, that is saying something for ridiculous, embarrassing fangirl devotion. The braying laughter probably would have come even if their scenes were terrible, or if they didn't share scenes at all.

But THANKFULLY, it did not come to that. We got scenes. And oh, what scenes we got. Yes, it was a dream. And yes, as we totally called back when this most epic of epic returns was announced, there was a whole lot of Rylee pimping going on. But the dream itself? And the chemistry between Rebecca Budig and Josh Duhamel that has remained sparkling and unchanged after so many years? I KVELL.

Leo: God, I missed you.
Greenlee: How did this happen? How is this even possible? How long have you been here?
Leo: Shh. I just want to look at you.

Please imagine me cupping my hands over my mouth and letting forth a scream of pure glee. PERFECTION.

Small Ways To Find Joy

It really didn't take me long after my return to viewing The Bold & the Beautiful to find a character I dislike so much that I'd derive giddy glee from any time she gets disappointed. I do feel kind of bad about it since it's so mean-spirited, but on the other hand it is kind of my "job" here to snark on these characters and this show (perhaps it's that I've been having such warm, gooey feelings about One Life to Live lately that I forgot what it's like to be bitter and hyper-critical). And really, so far it's just the one character. But considering that character is Steffy? Yesterday was a good day for me. Here's.... basically what happened:

Steffy: I'm so glad you came over to move in with me in our love nest, Bill! Sorry that whole thing with wifey having a heart attack while you were breaking up with her put this off. And yikes! A heart attack -- that must have been really frustrating for you.

Bill: Well, it was probably bad for Katie, too.

Steffy: Oh totally, I hate her and want her to suffer because I don't know if you knew this but I auto-hate anyone with the last name Logan even though I'm related to some Logans, but I mean it's not like I want her to die. If she died, I wouldn't get to rub it in her face that we're together and you dumped a Logan for me! I'm going to do what my mother never could!

Bill: We're... not together.

Steffy: Except we totally are.

Bill: Seeing her ticker give out like that sort of gave me a new perspective.

Katie: Per-what?

Bill: So it... didn't really go as planned.

Steffy: Boy, Katie's sisters are probably going to come after me hardcore, guns a-blazin'. I kind of can't wait so I can gloat.

The Weird Calm After The Storm

So I'm not saying it was a bad episode. It wasn't. I'd even say it was a pretty good episode. It was just... weird. But first let's get the obvious best bit covered. I was completely unspoiled on when Viki and RHTodd would first share the screen, and she clearly hadn't been given the heads-up yesterday (seriously, guys? no phone call to his sister?) and was in the episode for her involvement in Clint's storyline, so the ending was an unexpected treat. Going down the holding cells at the jail to make sure Clint's settled in okay (awww, she's adorable)...

I think my heart almost burst in this moment. Mom! It's your brother! He's right behind you! (Uh, sorry Real Mom if you're reading this, she's just my TV mom, I swear.) TURN AROUND! She did.

Love! I am so excited about today's episode.

Elsewhere in the tale of two Todds, we got some fantastically acted scenes between RHTodd and Tea, complete with stranded-on-a-desert-island flashbacks (RHTodd's first flashbacks that haven't just been still images). Those two still have some serious chemistry and it reminded me of a time that I found that couple very engrossing, and it was nice to see a focus on her reaction to all this since the initial reveal kept her a little bit in the background. And I'm sure there's plenty more to come -- no matter what happens, there's the Dani issue. That's a big one. (Did anyone else find it hilarious that when RHTodd reminded her that she always called him "sir" when they first knew each other, she said he'd readthat somewhere? Where would one read such a detail? I'm sure there were plenty of newspaper articles about their shenanigans, but it cracks me up that one of them may have had a line like, "Interestingly, when the aforementioned pair first knew each other, Mr. Manning referred to Ms. Delgado only by her last name, while Ms. Delgado only referred to Mr. Manning by the moniker 'sir.'" Fascinating and newsworthy, indeed!)

The More Things Change...

I had been feeling disconcerted about how much I've been enjoying General Hospital: Garin Wolf Shift this week; I hadn't wished for amnesia at all, and I found myself laughing at lines that were funny on purpose. It was, frankly, bizarre. So it was nice to be reminded that some things in this world are just a constant and Sonny's toddler temperament happens to be one of those things.

Ladies and gentlemen, your leading man.

Sonny: I'll throw that letter in the garbage if you give it to me!

Sonny: If you're going to be friends with him, you can't be friends with me.
Robin: You're not serious.
Sonny: Yes I am!

Robin: You need to take your meds.
Sonny: I don't need to take nothing!

Robin: Don't you think it would be really easy for me to leave now?
Sonny, dramatically shrugging like a teen actor in a low-budget PSA about the dangers of falling in with the wrong crowd: I don't know.

I was actually going to frame this post as a quiz. Like, "Guess who said it: CAM or SONNY?"! But...well, for one, Cameron wasn't on today, so that sort of gave it away. And also, as IF Cam could ever be so inarticulately petulant!

Another constant that we were unfortunately reacquainted with today? The fact that CONFUSION is one of the stars of the show, probably getting third or fourth billing. Skye is working with Anthony because...? Abby and Michael are still a thing for what reason...? We sat through a montage accompanied by a John Mayer song that prominently featured Lulu cleaning up the remains of a rotten chicken why...?

HOLY. %$#@&&ING. CRAP.

Y'all, I warn you now just to skip this if you (a) want me to avoid being hyperbolic or (b) are expecting me to be articulate and do today's episode justice. I can't help you with either of those things. I've been totally humbled in terms of my ability to articulate anything at all. But how could I not at least give it a whirl? Get ready for crazy-person ramblings and non-sequiturs.

Some highlights:

Today, Kristen Alderson did some of the best work of her entire stint on OLTL. When Starr went up to her daddy and reached up to touch his scar and he leaned into it with such pleading, well, that might've been the first time I broke today.

Or the first time might have been:

Todd: I'm Todd Manning, and I'm home.

Or, you know, maybe:

Todd: Yes, I'm real. I'm real, and you're not. And I need you to stay the hell away from my family.

I mean it's sort of pointless to single out actors. Roger Howarth was also terrific today, and Florencia Lozano seriously delivered, and Trevor St. John was just chilling (his cold-smug-face seemed to be more of a mask than ever before). Even Andrew Trischitta as Jack was functional (remember I only said functional!) today, quite specifically in the sense that he (of everyone) would be least struck by any of this. Sure, it would be confusing and upsetting, but not as world-shaking. That face isn't actually the face he knows as his father, not really. He was too young. 

Kassie DePaiva broke my heart. And Ted King in his pure outsider role played it well -- he hung back in every scene, playing it as if he were waiting and watching for a potential bomb to explode at any minute. 

I mean hot damn, Most Of The OLTL Cast!

Back to the stuff that may have broken me...

Blair: Where have you been?

Yup, yup, that might have done it. Got to me just a tad. But not as much as...

Todd (to Blair): The only thing I know for sure is that you kept me alive. What kept me going day after day, for eight years, was the idea of coming home to you. And to Starr. To Jack. 

Sucks So Good: True Blood 4.6, "I Wish I Was The Moon"

Let's start this week off on a celebratory note and give a round of congratulatory applause to my pretend best friend Denis O'Hare on his marriage! If only I had known about this (adorable!) event in advance; I surely would have sent a gift, which hopefully would have been the ticket I need to bump our friendship up from "imaginary" to "legit" but more likely would have pushed me from "weirdo blogger" to "on a watchlist".

After the jump and Joe Manganiello being pretty, "I Wish I Was The Moon"!